RE: That was a nice meeting

February 1, 2001

Peg,

No the meetings arent always quite so aggressive. The topic seems to have

brought out alot of hard feelings. Usually it is more about helpful

information, dealing with food and other issues around food. It also has

a speaker telling his/her story of ups and downs. It is usually that

crowded, that is why they added the third tuesday, which I think I am

going to switch to. It was nice to have some faces for the names, and it

was a great clothing swap. I did grab some of the clothes back from the

table to bring to the tuesday meeting this month because there werent

many there and these were good larger size things that are hard for us to

find, so I felt a bit possessive of them and didnt want them to just go

to the thrift store. I just wont tell hubby they will be in his trunk

for a few weeks.

Beth

On Thu, 1 Feb 2001 18:08:33 -0800 (PST) Peg W writes:

> Ha! The mail is slow tonight because many people were

> at the meeting at Newton <g>

>

> Well I just got home from my first meeting. I thought

> Dr. Thayer would be introduced but I guess not.

> That's okay I'll meet him when I get my appointment.

>

> I sure wish I could have met some of you tonight. I'm

> sure I will in the future.

>

> I wanted to ask -- are the meetings generally like it

> was tonight? Just a time for people to share? I like

> that. And boy there were a LOT of people there! I

> was the one who walked in to the middle when the

> meeting started and had a seat in front (wearing a

> black leather jacket).

>

> One thing folks that really gets me, is that humna

> nature really sucks. I mean, people are cruel and

> they don't seem to be able to help themselves.

> Everyone wants others to live up to their own

> expectations, and they punish people when they fail to

> live up. It's sick, and it's a sad world. So many of

> us have to pay with pain for the hurt that family

> members and others inflict upon us. I wish there were

> a cure for human nature.

>

> Anywhooo, I'm going to purpose to try to make my

> little tiny piece of this world a less hurtful place.

> I can already tell I will have a LOT of anger to deal

> with if I lose a lot of weight from the surgery, but

> I'm going to learn to deal with it and not inflict on

> anyone else the hurt that's always been put on me. Or

> so I hope!

>

> Well, see you all at the next meeting!

>

> -Peg

>

> __________________________________________________

> Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35

> a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/

>

February 2, 2001

Hi everyone,

I also wanted to say that I enjoyed the meeting last night and I will

admit that I enjoy them more than Dr. Randall's. It's nice to hear how other

people both pre-op and post, deal with this and how they show thier true

feelings. I was there with my friend Suzzanne who is getting wls on the 22nd of

this month by Dr. Thayer. We got a chance (finally) to see Pam's wls scrapbook.

We both thought that it was amazing how much she has changed. I even thought she

looked so much younger now. Looking good Pam and you did a great job on the book

as well. It's also nice to put some faces with all these names.

Don't forget to keep me posted on any changes for you so I can update

my list. You guys must have lost some weight since I started this LOL, let me

know and do some bragging. A new one will be out there soon. Just my two cents.

Don

February 2, 2001

Ok I thought that at the meetings it was suposed to be post-op's sharing their whole expierance with the group so pre-op's like me could find out first hand what it was going to be like...(knowing full well that everyone is diffrent) , but that there are always some aspects that are the same. I have been to 2 meetings, and have left with no more information than I came with, but that everyone is just angry. I haven't heard any positive remarks in the 2 meetings that I attended except that this was the best thing some have done...But why is it the best thing, if people are so angry all the time? Never would I put anyone down for their feelings so don't take this post the wrong way, but I would like to know some of the positive aspects of the surgery .

pre-op March 12, 2001 Dr Thayer

February 2, 2001

Hi Peg,

You sound like I did when I was preparing for surgery. I was

really afraid I was going to become a very aggressive, angry person once

people started treating me differently because of my weight loss.

I was worried I would turn into uber-bitch and that as a result I'd end

up losing friends & alienating family.

The truth is, the further I get out, the more weight I lose and the

more the quality of my life improves, the less angry I am. Yes, I

still get angry when I think how people treated me differently before,

but I know A LOT of that was a reflection of me. Because of my own

perceptions of myself, I really hid behind my weight and didn't let people

get close enough to enjoy my company. Now that those burdens are

being lifted I'm generally a much happier, more sociable person.

Am I more assertive? You betcha. I don't let people walk

all over me like I did before. I'm finding however that my capacity

to forgive is quite large...and that forgiveness begins with myself.

I've forgiven myself for "letting myself" get obese to begin with; I've

forgiven myself for "failing" diets; I've forgiven myself for the years

of disliking my body and beating myself up; I've even forgiven myself for

being embarassed of me. In doing that I've found a desire to forgive

others. Yes, there are people who were cruel and with whom I wish

no further contact even though since the weight-loss they are different

towards me, but I've forgiven the people who were for the most part reflecting

my own attitudes about myself. I can't rationalize remaining angry

with someone who was ashamed to be seen with me, when I was ashamed to

be seen myself. And the more contented and happier I get, the easier

it is to let go of old wounds and heal.

Anywho that's just my two cents and I hope that you are also able to

find a happiness that overrides your anger---this is too much fun to not

enjoy!

((((HUGS))))

F.

6/5/00

Open RNY Dr. Bruce Thayer

277/18?/150

Anywhooo, I'm going to purpose to try to make

my

little tiny piece of this world a less hurtful place.

I can already tell I will have a LOT of anger to deal

with if I lose a lot of weight from the surgery, but

I'm going to learn to deal with it and not inflict on

anyone else the hurt that's always been put on me. Or

so I hope!

Well, see you all at the next meeting!

-Peg

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February 2, 2001

Peg

I was surprised Dr. Thayer wasn't properly introduced either .. and he

didn't speak which sometimes he does. I like the format at LMH where Dr.

Randall is up front and talks specifically to the group, going over the

basics of the surgery, etc & taking some questions & their dietician leads

the meetings with questions, etc, etc .. whereas at NWH they do more of an

interview format but it would be nice to see them spend some time going over

things with the newbies. I personally would like 2 seperate meetings myself

but I know they won't go for that .. so they could perhaps spend the first

30 minutes going over what the surgery is like, and maybe offering preops to

talk to postops afterwards for personal questions. I don't know what the

best situation would be.

One thing I have to say .. is ok they wanted us to talk about anger, or

assertiveness or whatnot. But !!! the psychologist didn't then ask us any

questions or offer us any advice. It was just like vent and then that was

it. I think Anita hit it dead on talking about righteous anger and anger ..

and she sounded more like the doctor than Worth did. WTG Anita good

point you made!!!!

Anyway it was a bit confusing last night.

Lyssa

February 2, 2001

EXACTLY! Wow .. I don't think 4 speakers was too much I think there was

failure to make sure everyone had the same amount of time to speak .. and

then there was no comments from the psychologist about what we are doing to

work on it or let go of the anger ... and I don't think there woud have been

unless there was only 1 speaker. I will never speak again as a result . Not

that i'm likely to be asked. I also don't think they should ask the same

people to speak over and over .. I'd love to hear from a newly our preop

again for all the reminders of those early days that would help me feel

renewed again and stay on track. I think they should have Dr. Thayer speak

more and be in charge more. What an excellent opportunity for him to do so

yet he does not but he comes and sits. What does he get out of these

meetings? We don't know because he doesn't speak. I'm seriously rethinking

of even going anymore. I'd like to check out the tues meeting if its a

smaller group maybe the support would be better ..

Lyssa

Re: That was a nice meeting

Hi all,

I didn't think the meeting was all that great. I think I feel like 4

speakers is to many. Ya, we spoke a little about anger and about

something that has happened to us, but we didn't get a chance to say how

we were working through it. At least I didn't feel we did. I do think

Anita and Cammy brought up some great pionts about how to look at things

differently. I feel that is really important. I know with myself: If

I'm telling my Theapist something and she just has me look at it

differently it makes me feel a lot better, not only about myself but also

about the other person. Most of the time it makes much more sence to

me.

Pam

On Thu, 1 Feb 2001 18:08:33 -0800 (PST) Peg W writes:

> Ha! The mail is slow tonight because many people were

> at the meeting at Newton <g>

>

> Well I just got home from my first meeting. I thought

> Dr. Thayer would be introduced but I guess not.

> That's okay I'll meet him when I get my appointment.

>

> I sure wish I could have met some of you tonight. I'm

> sure I will in the future.

>

> I wanted to ask -- are the meetings generally like it

> was tonight? Just a time for people to share? I like

> that. And boy there were a LOT of people there! I

> was the one who walked in to the middle when the

> meeting started and had a seat in front (wearing a

> black leather jacket).

>

> One thing folks that really gets me, is that humna

> nature really sucks. I mean, people are cruel and

> they don't seem to be able to help themselves.

> Everyone wants others to live up to their own

> expectations, and they punish people when they fail to

> live up. It's sick, and it's a sad world. So many of

> us have to pay with pain for the hurt that family

> members and others inflict upon us. I wish there were

> a cure for human nature.

>

> Anywhooo, I'm going to purpose to try to make my

> little tiny piece of this world a less hurtful place.

> I can already tell I will have a LOT of anger to deal

> with if I lose a lot of weight from the surgery, but

> I'm going to learn to deal with it and not inflict on

> anyone else the hurt that's always been put on me. Or

> so I hope!

>

> Well, see you all at the next meeting!

>

> -Peg

>

> __________________________________________________

> Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35

> a year! http://personal.mail.yahoo.com/

>

February 2, 2001

You're GORGEOUS SWEETHEART GORGEOUS!!!

Keep up the good work and honestly, everyone around me was saying the same

thing.

Don

February 2, 2001