Hi! I'm new here!

[Guest guest]

(Sigh) Where do I start? I recently read " Intuitive Eating " and before

that " Fed Up " and I know that this is what I need to do. I've been

dieting, like all of you, for years (hard to say exactly, but somewhere

between 5 and 10 years) with, frankly, a lot of success. The past year

orso, however, I have been perplexed about my " lack of willpower " . I am

(grind my teeth because I'm not feeling it right now) very fit. I love

to train/bodybuild. But what used to be a " cheat meal " after a week or

two of " eating clean " has recently turned into days of compulsive eating

followed by meticulous calorie and nutrient

counting/figuring/calculating. Despite that, I manage to keep my weight

down (except for immediately following a binge). Emotionally I am left

in tatters. There is no balance in this lifestyle and I know it must

change. So, I've embarked on this journey to relearn about hunger and

satiety and " food is not good or bad " . The only problem is, since I

started, I've gained weight. I've removed all measuring devices from my

house (2 pairs of fat calipers, tape measure, calorie and weight

tracking software, scale) but I can tell that I've put fat on. I don't

care for the way that feels (or looks, to be honest) and yet at the same

time I'm trying to find pace with the way I look. Honestly , i felt not

100% great about myself before and now I'm struggling with putting on

this weight. I know I will probably lose this once I have relearned my

hunger cues and I really only want one cookie. But I'm having a hard

time feeling and seeing the hip fat I've gained. I've caught myself

thinking about " just cutting calories one last time " before I go on

vacation next week. How do I handle this??????