Re: easter candy season

[Guest guest]

It's funny, because when I listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry and stop

when I'm full, sometimes I will look at my plate with disappointment! I feel

like I SHOULD want to eat more, that I SHOULD be feeling guilty or anxious or

something other than satisfaction! I'm so used to feeling like if I eat one

bagel I might as well eat three or if I buy a bag of M & M's it would be pointless

not to eat them all. So when I am able to only take a few bites of this or a

couple pieces of that, it goes against everything that I used to do and I guess

maybe it's hard to say goodbye to my " old " self! I remember the comfort that

food used to bring to me or how I could use it to punish myself and now that

food is losing that power, I feel a little empty.

I felt the same way when I moved out of my parent's house. I had lived with

them all my life, and that familiar house with it's familiar people was all I

knew. There were times when I was so happy to have them around, and there were

times when my brother or sister or mother and their actions brought me pure

misery (a lot of things they would say or do were very triggering to my eating

disorder). Moving out to live with my fiance and make a new family and home of

our own was exciting yet saddening to me. I was leaving my comfort zone, even

though sometimes it could be anything but comforting, and moving into the

unknown. It took me a while and I cried every night for about a month, but I

look back now and I am so happy to be out. I still visit and see my parents

quite often, but it is when I want to and when it is a good time. Overall I am

much happier with my new life and I enjoy the time spent with my family much

more now than I did when I lived at home. I feel like I am building a bigger,

healthier relationship with them now!

>

> well, it's over. i was just wondering if anyone had any particular feelings

about it. my husband and i bought each other a ton of candy, and earlier this

week i'd bought more just for me, stuff i liked that was on sale. there is an

unholy amount of candy in our house right now.

>

> easter candy used to be such a big deal for me. i didn't have nearly as much

today as i would have in past years. I had the traditional cadbury cream egg

breakfast but that and a couple other little things was about it. I never even

bought another bag of black jelly beans, just the one.

>

> I feel like I should feel good about this, but honestly, I feel uneasy and I'm

not sure why. I've been getting better about dissociating eating from anxiety,

but I don't always know what to do instead.

>

> thea

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