Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 And the winner of round one is . . . Mikki!!! I can almost see your sheen of earned sweat on your forehead - lol. I too had to learn to 'allow' my VALID anger 'vent' when it was really necessary and actually helpful for me too. I still would rather be 'cool, calm and collective' when (basically) attacked, but heck I AM a bear when kicked sooooo what did ya expect?!? I'll just have to email you some great husband/wife switch jokes. Hope your toe is doing much better and this 'experiment' turns out well for both of you too. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > hi guys, I've been quiet for a while but reading the posts ... I broke my > toe 2 weeks ago then came down with a UTI last week so it's been a rough > patch! Something interesting happened this weekend that I had some > realizations regarding how I interact with people (and particularly my > family) ... some of you may remember some of my previous posts about some > fights my husband and I have had in the past months. Well, last night DH > had a yelling hissy fit about how the house was a " freaking disaster " and > ranted and raved that it's because I just " don't care " and am " waiting for > someone else to do it " . I'm thinkin " hello??! have YOU ever tried sweeping > and mopping with a broken foot? do it yourself!! " LOL > > This time rather than get upset or defensive, I stood my ground and told him > he was full of BS (particularly since he didn't raise a finger to pitch in > while I couldn't walk), and that he wouldn't believe how much time I spend > just cleaning up after HIM much less the rest of the house. Well, he > offered (loudly) to " switch jobs " with me as if I obviously just don't > understand how hard his lot is ... basically, pay the bills, do the weekly > grocery shopping and do about 70% of the cooking. I wonder if he's still > happy with his " deal " after I sent him the list of my routines? LOLOLOL > (laundry for 6, 4 bathrooms, dust,sweep,and polish a 3 story house). I > think he's nuts to swap jobs that he can do at work for stuff that has to be > done at home, but I'm thrilled to let him scrub toilets while I write checks > > > I didn't sleep well last night but I wasn't sad, tearful, or AFRAID - just > mad! And I really think that I'm bringing these issues out in the open > after 10 years because Intuitive Eating is really Intuitive Living and as I > confront the feelings that I used to eat over, I'm becoming more confident > regarding boundaries with expectations. So when he gets his undies in a wad > about something (especially something I don't consider " mine " ), I am > starting to confront issues instead of getting defensive (while sounding > guilty about not having already done it). So after an escalting cycle over > the past few months, we are actually DOING something besides extracting a > tearful, martyred " promise " from me to " do better " ! > > Maybe it sounds weird to be happy about a fight, but somehow I feel like a > boxer who took a blow standing up instead cowering in the corner with my > arms over my head, and it feels good > > Mikki > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Mikki, I think that sounds amazing! Good for you! Standing up for yourself is an amazing feat! And you deserve it! Abby > > > > hi guys, I've been quiet for a while but reading the posts ... I broke my > > toe 2 weeks ago then came down with a UTI last week so it's been a rough > > patch! Something interesting happened this weekend that I had some > > realizations regarding how I interact with people (and particularly my > > family) ... some of you may remember some of my previous posts about some > > fights my husband and I have had in the past months. Well, last night DH > > had a yelling hissy fit about how the house was a " freaking disaster " and > > ranted and raved that it's because I just " don't care " and am " waiting for > > someone else to do it " . I'm thinkin " hello??! have YOU ever tried sweeping > > and mopping with a broken foot? do it yourself!! " LOL > > > > This time rather than get upset or defensive, I stood my ground and told him > > he was full of BS (particularly since he didn't raise a finger to pitch in > > while I couldn't walk), and that he wouldn't believe how much time I spend > > just cleaning up after HIM much less the rest of the house. Well, he > > offered (loudly) to " switch jobs " with me as if I obviously just don't > > understand how hard his lot is ... basically, pay the bills, do the weekly > > grocery shopping and do about 70% of the cooking. I wonder if he's still > > happy with his " deal " after I sent him the list of my routines? LOLOLOL > > (laundry for 6, 4 bathrooms, dust,sweep,and polish a 3 story house). I > > think he's nuts to swap jobs that he can do at work for stuff that has to be > > done at home, but I'm thrilled to let him scrub toilets while I write checks > > > > > > I didn't sleep well last night but I wasn't sad, tearful, or AFRAID - just > > mad! And I really think that I'm bringing these issues out in the open > > after 10 years because Intuitive Eating is really Intuitive Living and as I > > confront the feelings that I used to eat over, I'm becoming more confident > > regarding boundaries with expectations. So when he gets his undies in a wad > > about something (especially something I don't consider " mine " ), I am > > starting to confront issues instead of getting defensive (while sounding > > guilty about not having already done it). So after an escalting cycle over > > the past few months, we are actually DOING something besides extracting a > > tearful, martyred " promise " from me to " do better " ! > > > > Maybe it sounds weird to be happy about a fight, but somehow I feel like a > > boxer who took a blow standing up instead cowering in the corner with my > > arms over my head, and it feels good > > > > Mikki > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Mikki: I'm so happy for you! You werent afraid to stand up for yourself! And it felt great, right?!!! My dietician/counselor has said to me in the past that this behavior is the beginning of change. And people will resist this change in you but eventually they will learn to respect you and stop pushing your buttons - especially when they no longer get the reaction they are accustomed to. In the meantime, enjoy the ride! I'm learning about " reflections " lately. And how people and situations in our lives " mirror " our internal selves. Your situation is a prime example of this. There is a shift happening. All you are really doing is shifting the balance where it needs to be. Enjoy! Love Deb > > hi guys, I've been quiet for a while but reading the posts ... I broke my > toe 2 weeks ago then came down with a UTI last week so it's been a rough > patch! Something interesting happened this weekend that I had some > realizations regarding how I interact with people (and particularly my > family) ... some of you may remember some of my previous posts about some > fights my husband and I have had in the past months. Well, last night DH > had a yelling hissy fit about how the house was a " freaking disaster " and > ranted and raved that it's because I just " don't care " and am " waiting for > someone else to do it " . I'm thinkin " hello??! have YOU ever tried sweeping > and mopping with a broken foot? do it yourself!! " LOL > > This time rather than get upset or defensive, I stood my ground and told him > he was full of BS (particularly since he didn't raise a finger to pitch in > while I couldn't walk), and that he wouldn't believe how much time I spend > just cleaning up after HIM much less the rest of the house. Well, he > offered (loudly) to " switch jobs " with me as if I obviously just don't > understand how hard his lot is ... basically, pay the bills, do the weekly > grocery shopping and do about 70% of the cooking. I wonder if he's still > happy with his " deal " after I sent him the list of my routines? LOLOLOL > (laundry for 6, 4 bathrooms, dust,sweep,and polish a 3 story house). I > think he's nuts to swap jobs that he can do at work for stuff that has to be > done at home, but I'm thrilled to let him scrub toilets while I write checks > > > I didn't sleep well last night but I wasn't sad, tearful, or AFRAID - just > mad! And I really think that I'm bringing these issues out in the open > after 10 years because Intuitive Eating is really Intuitive Living and as I > confront the feelings that I used to eat over, I'm becoming more confident > regarding boundaries with expectations. So when he gets his undies in a wad > about something (especially something I don't consider " mine " ), I am > starting to confront issues instead of getting defensive (while sounding > guilty about not having already done it). So after an escalting cycle over > the past few months, we are actually DOING something besides extracting a > tearful, martyred " promise " from me to " do better " ! > > Maybe it sounds weird to be happy about a fight, but somehow I feel like a > boxer who took a blow standing up instead cowering in the corner with my > arms over my head, and it feels good > > Mikki > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Wow! THAT IS GREAT! I finally had had enough of my Mother inlaw with her criticisms of me.. I called her up and told her what I thought.. it was hard.. she really hurt my feelings for the last time. Guess what?? I haven't binged since. > > > > hi guys, I've been quiet for a while but reading the posts ... I broke my > > toe 2 weeks ago then came down with a UTI last week so it's been a rough > > patch! Something interesting happened this weekend that I had some > > realizations regarding how I interact with people (and particularly my > > family) ... some of you may remember some of my previous posts about some > > fights my husband and I have had in the past months. Well, last night DH > > had a yelling hissy fit about how the house was a " freaking disaster " and > > ranted and raved that it's because I just " don't care " and am " waiting for > > someone else to do it " . I'm thinkin " hello??! have YOU ever tried sweeping > > and mopping with a broken foot? do it yourself!! " LOL > > > > This time rather than get upset or defensive, I stood my ground and told him > > he was full of BS (particularly since he didn't raise a finger to pitch in > > while I couldn't walk), and that he wouldn't believe how much time I spend > > just cleaning up after HIM much less the rest of the house. Well, he > > offered (loudly) to " switch jobs " with me as if I obviously just don't > > understand how hard his lot is ... basically, pay the bills, do the weekly > > grocery shopping and do about 70% of the cooking. I wonder if he's still > > happy with his " deal " after I sent him the list of my routines? LOLOLOL > > (laundry for 6, 4 bathrooms, dust,sweep,and polish a 3 story house). I > > think he's nuts to swap jobs that he can do at work for stuff that has to be > > done at home, but I'm thrilled to let him scrub toilets while I write checks > > > > > > I didn't sleep well last night but I wasn't sad, tearful, or AFRAID - just > > mad! And I really think that I'm bringing these issues out in the open > > after 10 years because Intuitive Eating is really Intuitive Living and as I > > confront the feelings that I used to eat over, I'm becoming more confident > > regarding boundaries with expectations. So when he gets his undies in a wad > > about something (especially something I don't consider " mine " ), I am > > starting to confront issues instead of getting defensive (while sounding > > guilty about not having already done it). So after an escalting cycle over > > the past few months, we are actually DOING something besides extracting a > > tearful, martyred " promise " from me to " do better " ! > > > > Maybe it sounds weird to be happy about a fight, but somehow I feel like a > > boxer who took a blow standing up instead cowering in the corner with my > > arms over my head, and it feels good > > > > Mikki > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Wow - that took guts and I sure hope what you said 'stuck' too. I tried that with my MIL, but it was a total waste of breath (she 'sweetly' ignored it!). It made me feel better anyway. Boundary setting is WORK, but until ya do it, prepare to be a door mat for everyone else ;-) ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Wow! THAT IS GREAT! > I finally had had enough of my Mother inlaw with her criticisms of me.. I called her up and told her what I thought.. it was hard.. she really hurt my feelings for the last time. Guess what?? I haven't binged since. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Well all is not smooth sailing yet (DH got mad when I called to ask him for the password to our checking account, and more mad when I pointed out that it's reasonable to expect him to pass on the necessary information along with the job without being asked!) ... but while it's always sad to be at odds with a spouse, I've been able to keep from getting drawn in emotionally. I admit to punching his buttons a little, but that was just revenge LOL.  After the fun wore off, I told him I missed my sweet husband and would welcome him back when he returned, and that I'm here to listen when he figures out what is really going on, but that I'm no longer interested in snarky e-mails or muttered comments as I pass by...  I'm definitely learning a lot about myself and how wishy-washy I've always been, just in the contrast with how I'm handling things now (ok, maybe I shouldn't have told him to " grow up " ... but that was after he sent me a photograph illustrating how to clip coupons ). I'm just finding the whole thing fairly amusing, and dancing with joy over turning the housework over! It's like putting down a great weight and wondering at how " light " I feel  and ya know what? there is a whole table of leftover muffins, pastries, birthday cake, and sodas on the table in my office from a luncheon yesterday, and I haven't wanted a bit of it  Mikki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Ah SWEET progress Mikki Sounds like you are on the right track. Happy journey-ing, IE and emotion voyage too ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Well all is not smooth sailing yet (DH got mad when I called to ask him for > the password to our checking account, and more mad when I pointed out that > it's reasonable to expect him to pass on the necessary information along > with the job without being asked!) ... but while it's always sad to be at > odds with a spouse, I've been able to keep from getting drawn in > emotionally. I admit to punching his buttons a little, but that was just > revenge LOL. > > After the fun wore off, I told him I missed my sweet husband and would > welcome him back when he returned, and that I'm here to listen when he > figures out what is really going on, but that I'm no longer interested in > snarky e-mails or muttered comments as I pass by... > > I'm definitely learning a lot about myself and how wishy-washy I've always > been, just in the contrast with how I'm handling things now (ok, maybe I > shouldn't have told him to " grow up " ... but that was after he sent me a > photograph illustrating how to clip coupons ). I'm just finding the > whole thing fairly amusing, and dancing with joy over turning the housework > over! It's like putting down a great weight and wondering at how " light " I > feel > > and ya know what? there is a whole table of leftover muffins, pastries, > birthday cake, and sodas on the table in my office from a luncheon > yesterday, and I haven't wanted a bit of it > > Mikki > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2009 Report Share Posted November 4, 2009 I love your sense of humor, Mikki! Love Deb > > Well all is not smooth sailing yet (DH got mad when I called to ask him for > the password to our checking account, and more mad when I pointed out that > it's reasonable to expect him to pass on the necessary information along > with the job without being asked!) ... but while it's always sad to be at > odds with a spouse, I've been able to keep from getting drawn in > emotionally. I admit to punching his buttons a little, but that was just > revenge LOL. > > After the fun wore off, I told him I missed my sweet husband and would > welcome him back when he returned, and that I'm here to listen when he > figures out what is really going on, but that I'm no longer interested in > snarky e-mails or muttered comments as I pass by... > > I'm definitely learning a lot about myself and how wishy-washy I've always > been, just in the contrast with how I'm handling things now (ok, maybe I > shouldn't have told him to " grow up " ... but that was after he sent me a > photograph illustrating how to clip coupons ). I'm just finding the > whole thing fairly amusing, and dancing with joy over turning the housework > over! It's like putting down a great weight and wondering at how " light " I > feel > > and ya know what? there is a whole table of leftover muffins, pastries, > birthday cake, and sodas on the table in my office from a luncheon > yesterday, and I haven't wanted a bit of it > > Mikki > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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