Guest guest Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Wow. That gave me a lot to think about. Thanks! > > I woke up this morning feeling down because I'm still trying to control my journey. I'm still trying to change my eating behaviors. I guess it's normal to want to change and control things. For many folks it seems like the only answer, the only way out of a dilemma. > > The thing is, intuitive eating (which I believe points me in the right direction) is not about control and change in my opinion. It is about BE-ing still and listening to my body. My body has so much more intelligence than I realize! > > Trying to alter my behaviors is what got me into this mess in the first place. > > So I said to myself this morning, " Ok, you're really down because you overate last night. " " This does not define YOU. " > > I actually felt a little better. And then I happened to come upon an exerpt from one of my morning readings which was so helpful. I'd like to share it with you. > --------------------- > > > Be Naked > > " You often hear the popular slogans > 'Be Happy' > 'Be Grateful' > 'Be Positive' > > But what happens > when you try and be these things > when they are not your experience? > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > on top of what is already here. > > You are really saying to yourself > that how you truly are > is unacceptable. > > And that you have to lie > to yourself and others > in order to feel accepted. > > If you really consider this > you will see that > this is self hatred. > > Meditation > is about allowing yourself > to be exactly as you are. > > Simply in this allowing > there is peace. > > And from this allowing > comes awareness > and from awareness > comes transcendence. > > Simply by being > aware of what is here, > you no longer > are confined > by the body/mind/ego, > you exist as awareness. > > Then your natural state > of love and gratitude > shines forth. > > Not because of something you do, > but simply because > that is what is. > > Awareness itself transforms. > > But any sense of trying > to control yourself > to change yourself > you empower your ego even more. > > You lock yourself > further into the idea > that you should be different > than you are. > > So rather than be positive, > be naked, > without the make up > and the hair extensions. > > Be aware of your experience > exactly as it is. > > The moment you do this, > you rest as awareness. > > You move into your true state > of unconditional peace. > > Even in the awareness > of the deepest anger and sadness > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > The mind could be whining, > cursing and hating > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > This is the honest truth. > > Peace is not something you do, > it is what you are. > > It is what is naturally here > when you stop resisting this moment. > > Kip Mazuy > > ---------------- > > Always seeking and learning, > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Excellent insight and so true too Deb. I too am 'just being' challenged. A lot of my (valid) self esteem is based upon my willingness to do for myself, which of course promotes sense of self reliance. Yet I also carry the input from interacting with others in my daily life. Its when my needs and those of others gets out of balance that I get side tracked. I have found that control is a false flag which seems to promise security, but really reflects insecurity within me more. If I can see and deal with those fears and angers, I benefit so much MORE. Yet I too often seem to be distracted by inner gremlins that pull me over to an EXternal orientation which takes from me more/again. Battling these gremlins should be a snap seeing how they are all my own making, but like the boogie man in the dark, one has a very difficult battle fighting what one can't see or understand! (yet ;-) I've just lately picked up When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies and gone straight to the self care taking section. This is my biggest challenge - becoming my OWN unconditional support/care taker. Getting those gremlins to SHUT UP long enough to listen to my inner self seems to be the order of the day. I'm so glad and happy for you that meditation helps you in your IE journey. I have a like connection to Enya's Pilgrim song. Thanks so much for sharing ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I woke up this morning feeling down because I'm still trying to control my journey. I'm still trying to change my eating behaviors. I guess it's normal to want to change and control things. For many folks it seems like the only answer, the only way out of a dilemma. > > The thing is, intuitive eating (which I believe points me in the right direction) is not about control and change in my opinion. It is about BE-ing still and listening to my body. My body has so much more intelligence than I realize! > > Trying to alter my behaviors is what got me into this mess in the first place. > > So I said to myself this morning, " Ok, you're really down because you overate last night. " " This does not define YOU. " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 This was beautiful and spot on - thank you for sharing. - > Be Naked > > " You often hear the popular slogans > 'Be Happy' > 'Be Grateful' > 'Be Positive' > > But what happens > when you try and be these things > when they are not your experience? > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > on top of what is already here. > > You are really saying to yourself > that how you truly are > is unacceptable. > > And that you have to lie > to yourself and others > in order to feel accepted. > > If you really consider this > you will see that > this is self hatred. > > Meditation > is about allowing yourself > to be exactly as you are. > > Simply in this allowing > there is peace. > > And from this allowing > comes awareness > and from awareness > comes transcendence. > > Simply by being > aware of what is here, > you no longer > are confined > by the body/mind/ego, > you exist as awareness. > > Then your natural state > of love and gratitude > shines forth. > > Not because of something you do, > but simply because > that is what is. > > Awareness itself transforms. > > But any sense of trying > to control yourself > to change yourself > you empower your ego even more. > > You lock yourself > further into the idea > that you should be different > than you are. > > So rather than be positive, > be naked, > without the make up > and the hair extensions. > > Be aware of your experience > exactly as it is. > > The moment you do this, > you rest as awareness. > > You move into your true state > of unconditional peace. > > Even in the awareness > of the deepest anger and sadness > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > The mind could be whining, > cursing and hating > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > This is the honest truth. > > Peace is not something you do, > it is what you are. > > It is what is naturally here > when you stop resisting this moment. > > Kip Mazuy > > ---------------- > > Always seeking and learning, > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2009 Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 Deb, Thanks a lot for posting this. I can relate to what you are going through too about the control thing. A lot of my struggles with eating and body image and dieting have been centered around control. At first it was control over my food intake and body, but lately it has been control over my emotions. That is how I relate to the poem about being " naked " .....feeling emotionally vulnerable like that is when I struggle with food. I feel unpleasant emotions and I immediately numb out....not always with food but sometimes with daydreaming too. I wish I could have more courage to sit through those emotions.....it is getting better, but it is a long road and when I am not able to sit through those emotions without food it really triggers the bad body stuff. > > I woke up this morning feeling down because I'm still trying to control my journey. I'm still trying to change my eating behaviors. I guess it's normal to want to change and control things. For many folks it seems like the only answer, the only way out of a dilemma. > > The thing is, intuitive eating (which I believe points me in the right direction) is not about control and change in my opinion. It is about BE-ing still and listening to my body. My body has so much more intelligence than I realize! > > Trying to alter my behaviors is what got me into this mess in the first place. > > So I said to myself this morning, " Ok, you're really down because you overate last night. " " This does not define YOU. " > > I actually felt a little better. And then I happened to come upon an exerpt from one of my morning readings which was so helpful. I'd like to share it with you. > --------------------- > > > Be Naked > > " You often hear the popular slogans > 'Be Happy' > 'Be Grateful' > 'Be Positive' > > But what happens > when you try and be these things > when they are not your experience? > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > on top of what is already here. > > You are really saying to yourself > that how you truly are > is unacceptable. > > And that you have to lie > to yourself and others > in order to feel accepted. > > If you really consider this > you will see that > this is self hatred. > > Meditation > is about allowing yourself > to be exactly as you are. > > Simply in this allowing > there is peace. > > And from this allowing > comes awareness > and from awareness > comes transcendence. > > Simply by being > aware of what is here, > you no longer > are confined > by the body/mind/ego, > you exist as awareness. > > Then your natural state > of love and gratitude > shines forth. > > Not because of something you do, > but simply because > that is what is. > > Awareness itself transforms. > > But any sense of trying > to control yourself > to change yourself > you empower your ego even more. > > You lock yourself > further into the idea > that you should be different > than you are. > > So rather than be positive, > be naked, > without the make up > and the hair extensions. > > Be aware of your experience > exactly as it is. > > The moment you do this, > you rest as awareness. > > You move into your true state > of unconditional peace. > > Even in the awareness > of the deepest anger and sadness > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > The mind could be whining, > cursing and hating > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > This is the honest truth. > > Peace is not something you do, > it is what you are. > > It is what is naturally here > when you stop resisting this moment. > > Kip Mazuy > > ---------------- > > Always seeking and learning, > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Deb, I love that poem. I've been focusing on allowing and accepting my feelings, rather than changing them (which is my first instinct) and it's really awesome. It feels so much more real. I'd really like to explore this concept further. Do you or does anyone else know of any good books about this? Thanks, Sara > > I woke up this morning feeling down because I'm still trying to control my journey. I'm still trying to change my eating behaviors. I guess it's normal to want to change and control things. For many folks it seems like the only answer, the only way out of a dilemma. > > The thing is, intuitive eating (which I believe points me in the right direction) is not about control and change in my opinion. It is about BE-ing still and listening to my body. My body has so much more intelligence than I realize! > > Trying to alter my behaviors is what got me into this mess in the first place. > > So I said to myself this morning, " Ok, you're really down because you overate last night. " " This does not define YOU. " > > I actually felt a little better. And then I happened to come upon an exerpt from one of my morning readings which was so helpful. I'd like to share it with you. > --------------------- > > > Be Naked > > " You often hear the popular slogans > 'Be Happy' > 'Be Grateful' > 'Be Positive' > > But what happens > when you try and be these things > when they are not your experience? > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > on top of what is already here. > > You are really saying to yourself > that how you truly are > is unacceptable. > > And that you have to lie > to yourself and others > in order to feel accepted. > > If you really consider this > you will see that > this is self hatred. > > Meditation > is about allowing yourself > to be exactly as you are. > > Simply in this allowing > there is peace. > > And from this allowing > comes awareness > and from awareness > comes transcendence. > > Simply by being > aware of what is here, > you no longer > are confined > by the body/mind/ego, > you exist as awareness. > > Then your natural state > of love and gratitude > shines forth. > > Not because of something you do, > but simply because > that is what is. > > Awareness itself transforms. > > But any sense of trying > to control yourself > to change yourself > you empower your ego even more. > > You lock yourself > further into the idea > that you should be different > than you are. > > So rather than be positive, > be naked, > without the make up > and the hair extensions. > > Be aware of your experience > exactly as it is. > > The moment you do this, > you rest as awareness. > > You move into your true state > of unconditional peace. > > Even in the awareness > of the deepest anger and sadness > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > The mind could be whining, > cursing and hating > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > This is the honest truth. > > Peace is not something you do, > it is what you are. > > It is what is naturally here > when you stop resisting this moment. > > Kip Mazuy > > ---------------- > > Always seeking and learning, > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Sara: Koenig's " Food and Feelings Workbook " is an EXCELLENT guide to identifying, accepting and experiencing your emotions. She also explains how our beliefs influence our feelings. The exercises provide ways to cope with especially difficult feelings. Reading and doing the exercises in that book totally changed how I cope with emotions, which eventually freed me from emotional eating. SUE > > > > I woke up this morning feeling down because I'm still trying to control my journey. I'm still trying to change my eating behaviors. I guess it's normal to want to change and control things. For many folks it seems like the only answer, the only way out of a dilemma. > > > > The thing is, intuitive eating (which I believe points me in the right direction) is not about control and change in my opinion. It is about BE-ing still and listening to my body. My body has so much more intelligence than I realize! > > > > Trying to alter my behaviors is what got me into this mess in the first place. > > > > So I said to myself this morning, " Ok, you're really down because you overate last night. " " This does not define YOU. " > > > > I actually felt a little better. And then I happened to come upon an exerpt from one of my morning readings which was so helpful. I'd like to share it with you. > > --------------------- > > > > > > Be Naked > > > > " You often hear the popular slogans > > 'Be Happy' > > 'Be Grateful' > > 'Be Positive' > > > > But what happens > > when you try and be these things > > when they are not your experience? > > > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > > on top of what is already here. > > > > You are really saying to yourself > > that how you truly are > > is unacceptable. > > > > And that you have to lie > > to yourself and others > > in order to feel accepted. > > > > If you really consider this > > you will see that > > this is self hatred. > > > > Meditation > > is about allowing yourself > > to be exactly as you are. > > > > Simply in this allowing > > there is peace. > > > > And from this allowing > > comes awareness > > and from awareness > > comes transcendence. > > > > Simply by being > > aware of what is here, > > you no longer > > are confined > > by the body/mind/ego, > > you exist as awareness. > > > > Then your natural state > > of love and gratitude > > shines forth. > > > > Not because of something you do, > > but simply because > > that is what is. > > > > Awareness itself transforms. > > > > But any sense of trying > > to control yourself > > to change yourself > > you empower your ego even more. > > > > You lock yourself > > further into the idea > > that you should be different > > than you are. > > > > So rather than be positive, > > be naked, > > without the make up > > and the hair extensions. > > > > Be aware of your experience > > exactly as it is. > > > > The moment you do this, > > you rest as awareness. > > > > You move into your true state > > of unconditional peace. > > > > Even in the awareness > > of the deepest anger and sadness > > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > > > The mind could be whining, > > cursing and hating > > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > > > This is the honest truth. > > > > Peace is not something you do, > > it is what you are. > > > > It is what is naturally here > > when you stop resisting this moment. > > > > Kip Mazuy > > > > ---------------- > > > > Always seeking and learning, > > Deb > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Wow, Sue that sounds like a winner! Deb > > > > Deb, > > > > I love that poem. I've been focusing on allowing and accepting my feelings, rather than changing them (which is my first instinct) and it's really awesome. It feels so much more real. > > > > I'd really like to explore this concept further. Do you or does anyone else know of any good books about this? > > > > Thanks, > > Sara > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 I think that it feels great INTERNALLY when I accept and allow my feelings, but I REALLY FEAR what others will think (that's the EXTERNAL factor). I fear that they'll think or say, " Wow, you're not so nice after all. " or " OK, geez, she's not the sweetest person ever after all " , or some other negative view of me when I'm not always cheery and always a sweetheart (not that I'd ever be outright mean at all, but just that I've got a realistic and a sarcastic side to my personality as well, and I fear how people will take that). Also, sometimes I'm not having a good day, and it's hard to muster up enthusiasm to be sweet or to be someone else's " cheerleader " , so to speak, at these times. It's really scary for me to show all sides of my personality and to be authentic. I think that I fear/imagine that people won't like me or accept me if I do.... It feels like too much work to keep trying to be " 'perfect " personality-wise, though, just like it eventually felt like too much work to control my body size (through restriction and over-exercising). The more I loosed the reigns on body control, the more I loosen the reigns on being my true self, as well, so that is an interesting parallel to note. Thanks for listening; maybe someone can relate (?). Either way, I do love the poem that Deb posted, and I've posted it on my wall in my room. It's good encouragement, even thought it's uncomfortable and scary. > > Be Naked > > > > " You often hear the popular slogans > > 'Be Happy' > > 'Be Grateful' > > 'Be Positive' > > > > But what happens > > when you try and be these things > > when they are not your experience? > > > > Suddenly you are imposing a mask > > on top of what is already here. > > > > You are really saying to yourself > > that how you truly are > > is unacceptable. > > > > And that you have to lie > > to yourself and others > > in order to feel accepted. > > > > If you really consider this > > you will see that > > this is self hatred. > > > > Meditation > > is about allowing yourself > > to be exactly as you are. > > > > Simply in this allowing > > there is peace. > > > > And from this allowing > > comes awareness > > and from awareness > > comes transcendence. > > > > Simply by being > > aware of what is here, > > you no longer > > are confined > > by the body/mind/ego, > > you exist as awareness. > > > > Then your natural state > > of love and gratitude > > shines forth. > > > > Not because of something you do, > > but simply because > > that is what is. > > > > Awareness itself transforms. > > > > But any sense of trying > > to control yourself > > to change yourself > > you empower your ego even more. > > > > You lock yourself > > further into the idea > > that you should be different > > than you are. > > > > So rather than be positive, > > be naked, > > without the make up > > and the hair extensions. > > > > Be aware of your experience > > exactly as it is. > > > > The moment you do this, > > you rest as awareness. > > > > You move into your true state > > of unconditional peace. > > > > Even in the awareness > > of the deepest anger and sadness > > there is incredible peace and bliss. > > > > The mind could be whining, > > cursing and hating > > and you would be immersed in bliss. > > > > This is the honest truth. > > > > Peace is not something you do, > > it is what you are. > > > > It is what is naturally here > > when you stop resisting this moment. > > > > Kip Mazuy > > > > ---------------- > > > > Always seeking and learning, > > Deb > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Hi Ksoccer8 (sorry I dont know your name!) Yes, I can relate! What I understand you're saying is that maybe you're scared of your " authentic " self? Like what if underneath lies this creature full of rage! And what if the creature took control of me and in doing so would hurt alot of innocent people in the process? I have these fears too. I think there is alot of rage inside people with food addictions. (Rage turned inward). It makes sense, right? At some point in our lives, it was safer to turn to food and turn our backs on our authentic selves. For some reason I wasnt taught how to stand up for myself so I started " going with the crowd. " I started behaving differently to " fit in. " I became a master at fitting in. Because I/We spent so much time " fitting in, " I/we forgot to take REAL care of ourselves. I've noticed that since I've been practicing Intuitive Eating, the pendulum is starting to swing to the other side. One side of the extreme is TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY BUT ME and then the other extreme is TAKING CARE OF ONLY ME. I've noticed that indeed my pendulum is swinging in the self-care direction. And at times it does feel like I'm being really selfish. No wonder! I'm making up for alot of self-neglect! Guess what? I owe it to myself BIG TIME to enjoy what it feels like to take care of myself. So I really dont feel bad about " this side " of the extreme! If it means limiting my time around people that are too needy, then so be it. Yes, I will make (and have made) mistakes along the way. But people truly worthy of being my friend will accept a heartfelt apology from me. And yes, the pendulum will eventually settle at a " centered, " and " balanced " ME. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're going through is absolutely normal and it can be scary. If you are that worried about hurting someone's feelings, then underneath, you truly are a caring, loving individual. Your love will mean so much more coming from a place of peace within yourself. Take care of yourself first - always! Love Deb > > I think that it feels great INTERNALLY when I accept and allow my feelings, but I REALLY FEAR what others will think (that's the EXTERNAL factor). I fear that they'll think or say, " Wow, you're not so nice after all. " or " OK, geez, she's not the sweetest person ever after all " , or some other negative view of me when I'm not always cheery and always a sweetheart (not that I'd ever be outright mean at all, but just that I've got a realistic and a sarcastic side to my personality as well, and I fear how people will take that). Also, sometimes I'm not having a good day, and it's hard to muster up enthusiasm to be sweet or to be someone else's " cheerleader " , so to speak, at these times. > It's really scary for me to show all sides of my personality and to be authentic. I think that I fear/imagine that people won't like me or accept me if I do.... > > It feels like too much work to keep trying to be " 'perfect " personality-wise, though, just like it eventually felt like too much work to control my body size (through restriction and over-exercising). The more I loosed the reigns on body control, the more I loosen the reigns on being my true self, as well, so that is an interesting parallel to note. > > Thanks for listening; maybe someone can relate (?). Either way, I do love the poem that Deb posted, and I've posted it on my wall in my room. It's good encouragement, even thought it's uncomfortable and scary. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Hi Deb, Wow, thank you for such a wonderful response! You seem to understand perfectly what I was saying - Yay, someone who can relate! :-) " Maybe you're scared of your " authentic " self? " -- YES. I am very afraid of my authentic self (both internally: my natural feelings and reactions towards people and things, and externally: hence my battle with my body and food. I've been working on bettering my body image for exactly 3 years now, and I have allowed myself to greatly loosen the reigns on exercise and eating [used to under eat and over-exercise], but I still hold very tightly to the idea that my body is just going to get very large in an unattractive way - even though my closest friends and family tell me I have nothing to worry about). It's like you said: " Like what if underneath lies this creature full of rage! " I'm afraid that on the inside I'm just mean, annoying, not likeable, and I'm afraid that on the outside I'm just unattractive and undesirable. I think that by trying to stay so (unnaturally) thin, I was trying to let my body do the convincing for me, as if my body could say to the world, " Yes, I'm fun, nice, attractive, and acceptable. Just look at how thin I am. " -- Of course, this is totally irrational :-/ ... I also think you're correct in saying that we both gave up (taking care of/acknowledging) our authentic selves in order to fit in/be accepted. I agree with this, too: " I've noticed that since I've been practicing Intuitive Eating, the pendulum is starting to swing to the other side. One side of the extreme is TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY BUT ME and then the other extreme is TAKING CARE OF ONLY ME. I've noticed that indeed my pendulum is swinging in the self-care direction. And at times it does feel like I'm being really selfish. " I feel like such a b*ch sometimes, but then I realize that I'm just being true to myself. I've been learning that I don't have to LOOOVE everybody, and that if I don't have warm feelings for everyone 100% of the time, it's not " my fault " - that's life! I feel really mean thinking/feeling that way, though; I am afraid of hurting people. I think that my father's stoicism and introversion left me feeling unacknowledged a lot of the time when I was a kid. I craved reassurance from him (just as I now need to hear over and over that my worst fears about my body will never come true -- I hear this repeatedly but a part of me obviously still doesn't feel reassured because the fear is still there.) And, just as you posted, I've had the following thought as well: " If you are that worried about hurting someone's feelings, then underneath, you truly are a caring, loving individual. " Genuinely mean people probably don't worry about hurting other people. I think I've worried TOO much in the past! I stayed in relationships with " nice, good guys " even though I wasn't in love with them because I thought I was a bi*ch and defective because I couldn't love such a " nice guy " . It's hard to know what " normal " is now, though, because I may think that I spoke too directly/bluntly or wasn't " sweet " enough, but in reality what I said/did was a " normal " reaction. You wrote about hurting " innocent " people, and it made me think, wow, do I think that everyone is innocent BUT me? Surely I can't be THAT bad! :-) And I sure hope you're correct about this: " And yes, the pendulum will eventually settle at a " centered, " and " balanced " ME. " This thought crossed my mind, too, and I hope it's correct! :-) I've been spending a fair amount of time on this " other " side of the pendulum, and it feels uncomfortable, but it's comforting to think that I'll eventually settle in the middle. You also wrote: " Your love will mean so much more coming from a place of peace within yourself. Take care of yourself first - always! " -- Thank you very much for these kind, true words. Finding a place of peace within myself hasn't not always been easy for me (as I imagine a lot of people on this message board can relate to). I've been working on different techniques to help calm my worries both internally and externally. My anxiety manifests itself in muscle tension (especially in my abdomen and back), and stretching as well as a few yoga poses help to alleviate these physical symptoms. Thank you very much for all that you've written. I feel very " heard " and understood. I don't keep up with ALL of the posts and I don't post here very often, but I have found many gems of truth and motivation here over the past few years. Thank you :-) -- > > Hi Ksoccer8 (sorry I dont know your name!) > > Yes, I can relate! > > What I understand you're saying is that maybe you're scared of your " authentic " self? Like what if underneath lies this creature full of rage! And what if the creature took control of me and in doing so would hurt alot of innocent people in the process? I have these fears too. > > I think there is alot of rage inside people with food addictions. (Rage turned inward). It makes sense, right? At some point in our lives, it was safer to turn to food and turn our backs on our authentic selves. For some reason I wasnt taught how to stand up for myself so I started " going with the crowd. " I started behaving differently to " fit in. " I became a master at fitting in. > > Because I/We spent so much time " fitting in, " I/we forgot to take REAL care of ourselves. I've noticed that since I've been practicing Intuitive Eating, the pendulum is starting to swing to the other side. One side of the extreme is TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY BUT ME and then the other extreme is TAKING CARE OF ONLY ME. I've noticed that indeed my pendulum is swinging in the self-care direction. And at times it does feel like I'm being really selfish. No wonder! I'm making up for alot of self-neglect! Guess what? I owe it to myself BIG TIME to enjoy what it feels like to take care of myself. So I really dont feel bad about " this side " of the extreme! If it means limiting my time around people that are too needy, then so be it. > > Yes, I will make (and have made) mistakes along the way. But people truly worthy of being my friend will accept a heartfelt apology from me. And yes, the pendulum will eventually settle at a " centered, " and " balanced " ME. > > So I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're going through is absolutely normal and it can be scary. If you are that worried about hurting someone's feelings, then underneath, you truly are a caring, loving individual. Your love will mean so much more coming from a place of peace within yourself. Take care of yourself first - always! > > Love Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Hi : You are so welcome! I'm glad whatever I said helped in some way. What might also help is this: (and I'm going to kick myself later for saying it because I too struggle so much with it): The situations and people in our lives that present themselves as problems that we want to run and hide from are the teachers that help us get to " the other side " of balance. Do you know what I mean? Often times for me I find that the people that most affect me negatively remind me of other people I have issues with OR they are like " messengers " revealing or reflecting unresolved issues within myself. So what I try to do is PAY ATTENTION to my reactions. And if I have a negative reaction about someone's behavior (which I can almost always FEEL somewhere in my body), I say to myself, " what is it about this person that bothers me? Or - who does this person remind me of? and why do I feel like i want to run from them? " And I just sort of sit with that feeling and continue to pay attention. And then sometimes the answers come. And there is a feeling of peace. And then I can respond instead of react. I am conscious. That - to me - is the correct way to handle adversity. And if I can just stop and pay attention, so much can be learned from it. It is not easy to do this when for years I have run and hid from my problems. But it is the key to resolving food addiction. - In my opinion! " Resist Not " Love Deb " Your love will mean so much more coming from a place of peace within yourself. Take care of yourself first - always! " -- Thank you very much for these kind, true words. Finding a place of peace within myself hasn't not always been easy for me (as I imagine a lot of people on this message board can relate to). I've been working on different techniques to help calm my worries both internally and externally. My anxiety manifests itself in muscle tension (especially in my abdomen and back), and stretching as well as a few yoga poses help to alleviate these physical symptoms. > Thank you very much for all that you've written. I feel very " heard " and understood. I don't keep up with ALL of the posts and I don't post here very often, but I have found many gems of truth and motivation here over the past few years. Thank you :-) > > -- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Yep Deb - life's lessons are so many its hard to not trip over them! Makes me wonder how we manage to side step them so well (lol). I knew of this reaction to negatives SEEN in 'others', but its not easy to turn that 20-20 vision into a mirror, especially when its happening. Thanks for the reminder ehugs, Katcha IEing Since March 2007 > > Hi : > > You are so welcome! I'm glad whatever I said helped in some way. > > What might also help is this: (and I'm going to kick myself later for saying it because I too struggle so much with it): > > The situations and people in our lives that present themselves as problems that we want to run and hide from are the teachers that help us get to " the other side " of balance. Do you know what I mean? Often times for me I find that the people that most affect me negatively remind me of other people I have issues with OR they are like " messengers " revealing or reflecting unresolved issues within myself. > > So what I try to do is PAY ATTENTION to my reactions. And if I have a negative reaction about someone's behavior (which I can almost always FEEL somewhere in my body), I say to myself, " what is it about this person that bothers me? Or - who does this person remind me of? and why do I feel like i want to run from them? " And I just sort of sit with that feeling and continue to pay attention. And then sometimes the answers come. And there is a feeling of peace. And then I can respond instead of react. I am conscious. > > That - to me - is the correct way to handle adversity. And if I can just stop and pay attention, so much can be learned from it. It is not easy to do this when for years I have run and hid from my problems. But it is the key to resolving food addiction. - In my opinion! > > " Resist Not " > > > Love Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 This is very wise. Thanks for taking the risk to articulate it even though you can't always live it. Cheers, Harry -----Original Message-----From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of paquillerSent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 7:46 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Control and Change Hi :You are so welcome! I'm glad whatever I said helped in some way.What might also help is this: (and I'm going to kick myself later for saying it because I too struggle so much with it):The situations and people in our lives that present themselves as problems that we want to run and hide from are the teachers that help us get to "the other side" of balance. Do you know what I mean? Often times for me I find that the people that most affect me negatively remind me of other people I have issues with OR they are like "messengers" revealing or reflecting unresolved issues within myself.So what I try to do is PAY ATTENTION to my reactions. And if I have a negative reaction about someone's behavior (which I can almost always FEEL somewhere in my body), I say to myself, "what is it about this person that bothers me? Or - who does this person remind me of? and why do I feel like i want to run from them?" And I just sort of sit with that feeling and continue to pay attention. And then sometimes the answers come. And there is a feeling of peace. And then I can respond instead of react. I am conscious.That - to me - is the correct way to handle adversity. And if I can just stop and pay attention, so much can be learned from it. It is not easy to do this when for years I have run and hid from my problems. But it is the key to resolving food addiction. - In my opinion! "Resist Not"Love Deb "Your love will mean so much more coming from a place of peace within yourself. Take care of yourself first - always!" -- Thank you very much for these kind, true words. Finding a place of peace within myself hasn't not always been easy for me (as I imagine a lot of people on this message board can relate to). I've been working on different techniques to help calm my worries both internally and externally. My anxiety manifests itself in muscle tension (especially in my abdomen and back), and stretching as well as a few yoga poses help to alleviate these physical symptoms. > Thank you very much for all that you've written. I feel very "heard" and understood. I don't keep up with ALL of the posts and I don't post here very often, but I have found many gems of truth and motivation here over the past few years. Thank you :-)> > --> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks Harry! > > This is very wise. Thanks for taking the risk to articulate it even though > you can't always live it. > Cheers, > Harry > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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