Lets try this again

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone! I joined this group last December, but ended up going on a diet

shortly after and lost about 10lbs. Then I went on vacation at the end of June

and realized that I STILL had a really messed up relationship with food. I felt

like the only thing I thought about while on vacation was what I was going to

eat that day, and I kept feeling all depressed about how many calories I was

consuming and the weight I was most likely gaining back.

For the past month I have not been dieting, planning my meals, or tracking what

I eat. I also have not weighed myself because I am scared I gained all the

weight I lost back. I still work out all the time, but I enjoy it and am a

personal trainer so I'm in a gym all day anyway. I can't help but roughly add up

my calories in my head at the end of the night, and I've been consuming too

many. It's usually over 2000 which is a lot when you only weigh around 115 lbs.

I think it's because I still have the diet mentality, even though I'm not

technically dieting. I think about food all the time, and I have this fear of

being hungry and not being able to eat. I don't know why. I also always compare

the amount of food I eat to what other people eat, and always think people are

judging me by the amount of food I consume. Even though I eat healthy for the

most part, I have a lot of trouble with portion sizes and overeating.

I just want to live a healthy lifestyle where I don't think about food

constantly. It is as if it controls me. I'd still like to lose some body fat,

and I think learning to live a life fully practicing IE is the only way I'm

going to be able to do it successfully for the long term. Part of my job is to

be as healthy and fit as possible, setting a good example and being a good role

model for my clients. I feel like a fake if I am secretly obsessing over food

all the time. It also brings nothing but trouble to my relationship with my

boyfriend.

So here I go again. I am DETERMINED to make this work. I am going to read the

book again, and maybe even pick up some others if anybody has any suggestions. I

look forward to becoming an active member of this group. Thank you for reading!