so many foods to legalize! help!

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I am new to this approach although i had developed some part of it in the past

15 years while i was maintaining a 80pound weight loss. the past 2 -3 years I

had been pressurizing myself trying to stay at the same number week after week.

and i began to realize that even if i was 2 - 3 pounds heavier i still - HATED

MY BODY - HATED THE WAY I LOOKED I kept thinking when will i ever see myself

ok? so ok everyone else thought i looked great but inside I couldnt see it. I

finally had the courage to drop my diet club - where i was one of the longest

maintaining people - ( I was no longer doing their diet but had developed my own

along the way. which meant eating next to nothing during the week and allowing

myself whatever i wanted over the weekend or if i ate too much - increasing my

daily 6 mile walk to sometimes twice a day or even eventually jogging. I am 52

and not the thinnest of people and began to feel the pain in my knees and began

to lose enjoyment for my daily walk! I actually never said no to any food - i

just adjusted my eating the rest of the day or week. but the main problem was

the way i saw myself. When i came across the IE method and bought all the books

- the one about when women stop hating their bodies - started me on this

journey. I can't stop reading all the books and am now reading Geneen's books.

I am afraid of gaining the weight - my husband agrees with the fact that my body

will reach it's natural weight and it might be heaveir then when I was starving

it. when i concentrate on waiting till I am hungry and then eat - i feel

wonderful! when i concentrate on enjoying my peanut butter and jelly sandwich

with all its gooeeness when i am hungry - it is the best! my fear is - there

are so many foods that I am legalizing - and also legalizing amounts of them

also! - I am overwhelmed about how many foods there are that i havent let myself

eat in a very long time and I am scared that I won't have time or rather won't

always want them so when i do eat them i tend to overeat them - past the point

of satiety. there are alot of my " diet " foods that i love also - and when i

calm down i realize tht all i want is cottage cheese and fresh tomatoes and

cucumbers. but if i think about all the foods that are still waiting for me to

legalize - i forget about the simple foods and try to find something former bad

to eat. I don't want to gain all the weight back. I do feel alot better about

my body since i have started this process. funny - I am at least 10 pounds

heavier than my lowest weight! and the diet obsession is lessening. I would

appreciate comments. Thank you.