WOW/Rhonda/Fashionistas

[Guest guest]

Rhonda & WOW & Fashionistas-on the issue of what makes a woman attractive I have

quite alot to say. Big surprise, huh? Your mother, first of all, is a wise

woman and there have been many times when I've found myself obsessing over some

little details of my appearance and suddenly, so tired of this behavior in

myself, so tired of spending my time and energy on this futile

self-consciousness, I tapped into your mother's wisdom. Because I heard this

loving but fed-up voice (like a Jewish mother? like all mothers?) say " Faryl,

do you walk around noticing (fill in the blank here with your favorite

physical/appearance/perfectionist obsession) this in other people? I mean, can

you even SEE this on other people?? I'm asking you! No? You say NO? Then for

pity's sake why do you think all those other people can see it on you? "

Also, though this is a big topic and one that is better suited for the sex

discussion group, in my opinion unhappy yet otherwise perfectly proportioned,

beautifully coiffed/made-up/clothed women are NOT ATTRACTIVE. Recently I saw a

woman who could have been a fashion model walk across a big parking lot (in

fact, at a very large shopping mall here. She was heading for the clothing

stores and I was heading for the movie theatre!!! And popcorn!!!) and that

woman was pathetic. She did not like herself, she had no sense of self, no

zest, confidence, no, I mean NO joie de vivre. I am a woman who likes women

(well, I like men, too...you can interpret that however you want and only will

discover the truth of this statement if you are a regular in the sex discussion

group!!) and I wouldn't even consider having a conversation with this woman much

less consider a more " up close and personal " time with her! So here was a

potentially perfect woman who had to have been one of the saddest characters

I've seen in a while.

On the other hand, there have been times when I've been out doing just my usual

errands, dressed strictly for comfort, ran out without really doing a thing to

myself, but happened to feel very good on that day. Extra special good for some

reason. And all of a sudden I notice that people are looking at me and smiling

at me...and I'm thinking that I must be imagining things...because, as a zaftig,

graying woman who rarely wears make-up and spends a pittance on her wardrobe, I

do not think of myself as babe/head-turning material. But, I'm telling you, it

happens like clockwork. On those days when I am just HOT ON MYSELF, or just

enjoying myself, people smile at me. Now, maybe they're not thinking to

themselves " Wowie zowie that woman is hot, " but I bet that if I wanted to have a

conversation with any one of them, they would be interested. And I bet that if,

in the conversation, they realized that they were talking to an interesting

person, they would have coffee with me. And I bet that during coffee that when

they realized that they were talking with a FASCINATING PERSON with good

energy...well, you see where I'm going with this? Are you getting my drift,

here?

Now, I know you are a very together woman and I don't have to tell you that I am

NOT accusing YOU of self-sabotaging self-consciousness, but since you are the

one who wrote that you don't want people to see your poochy tummy, I just

couldn't resist this opportunity. I think maybe we should all take a little

field trip to the Metropolitan Museum in NY to look at the many, many paintings

of gorgeous nude women with poochy tummies. The " esque " beauties. We

should remind ourselves that the stomach on a woman who is not trying to starve

herself or exercise herself into a psycho/sicko culturally enforced mold has

many undulating curves.

Sure, exercise for optimal health and buff up and all that if you want to be

strong and feel strong. Eat for pleasure and optimal health. But spend more of

your precious time on earth loving yourself and actualizing your potential as a

fascinating person who has skills, talents, interests and who has more to

contribute to the world than her looks. I like the deathbed question here (I

use it alot to help me keep my priorities straight)--you know, the one where you

ask yourself if, on your deathbed, you will say, " Gee, I wish I had spent more

time (fill in the blank). " It's NOT gonna be " getting my tummy as flat as a

board. " It's not gonna be " having a perfect manicure. " It's not gonna be

" conquering my cellulite. " THAT IS NOT A LIFE!!

Well, I guess I've just lapsed into lecture/sermon mode once again. But ya know

what? NO APOLOGIES!! Consider it a vent!

Faryl Feminista (who else?)