Guest guest Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Jen it really is the BIG challenge when starting IE (and even when continuing!) to reject diet mentality. You say you won a RACE?!? well to me that says your body is working very well :) Its very sad and frustrating to feel you don't 'measure up' - according to whatever everyone else SEEMS to go with. However, you really do live in your wonderful body all the time. Maybe you can find one or two good points about that same body that you can celebrate and love? Hair, laugh, strong legs? Not beating yourself up is an excellent first step. The rest of the world can be 'in charge' of that - LOL!!! Dieting is an alluring illusion but if you can remember that it is built on these premises - #1 you are flawed and #2 you can't trust yourself. POPPYCOCK!! See if you can find one or two things about yourself that you really like, bask in that and relax about needing to be 'perfect' overnight, you can find that IE suggestions will become reasonable to you. And you are not alone in your efforts - we are all here to listen, hold your hand and cheer on your baby steps as you start your IE journey. Dieting is a forever carrot-on-a-stick while IE is a life long journey thru delightful lands of fabulous food and honoring YOUR (grand) body. BEST wishes, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Hi everyone, > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > Thank you, > > Jen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Jen, Hi. As \far as advice, I will leave that to those with more experience here, but I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I totally relate and can feel for you. Hang in there. It sounds like in your " intermal wisdom " , you know what to do. Take care, KT > > Hi everyone, > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > Thank you, > > Jen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Katcha, Thank you so much for your kind and inspiring words. I really just needed to get out all the things I was going through and I don't have anyone in my life that I can sit down and talk with about this. Some days I feel very positive and hopeful, but once in a while something comes along to knock me off my happy little cloud. I felt like my IE progress was going well for a couple of weeks and then a week of old bad habits and seeing that picture pushed me over. I remind myself all the time how lucky I am to be able to move my body and exercise in ways I love. It's quite tough though to be an 'athlete' but feel like my body shape doesn't fit in with the athletes I race with. Sometimes it makes me feel like I don't belong there. I have to make a conscious effort and practive positive self-talk in those race day situations. Thank you for being here to listen Jen > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > > > Thank you, > > > > Jen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Thanks KT It really does mean so much to me to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I've tried to talk to a friend about it, but I think that it's really hard for someone to understand if they've never struggled with eating or self-esteem issues. It's really something that never leaves my mind... I'm working on picking myself up today > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > > > Thank you, > > > > Jen > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2009 Report Share Posted October 5, 2009 Jen, You are not alone sweetheart. The food and body obsession habits are truly so hard for all of us to break. I can relate to the guilt and the body issues leading you to distorted eating as well....I think guilt is one of the primary triggers to this behavior. I often think dealing with disordered eating and weight obsession is unfair too...it can be very sadistic. I know in my experience the " struggle with weight " you talk about isn't necessarily about the weight either....I know for me it is about attitudes I have toward myself and the world and also deals with co-dependency and acceptance issues. But weight and food are our coping skills around it so that is how it shows up. I can relate to the magic wand you are looking for too. I think there is always hope for progress to be made, and I see myself and many others making progress, but sometimes it is really, really slow and painful. I think it is wonderful that you discussed gratitude in your post, even if it was about overlooking it rather than embracing it. What a powerful observation! I truly hope and I am pretty sure that your awareness of that will continue to grow and you will grow to believe in and feel the gratitude and LOVE the body and life you were given! That is an attitude that usually helps with the obsession aspect of things. I hope you continue to get support, feel free to e-mail me privately or on the Yahoo IM too if you ever want to chat (and that goes for everyone!). > > Hi everyone, > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > Thank you, > > Jen > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2009 Report Share Posted October 6, 2009 Jen, I was a 'jock' in school, which now seem like the dark ages to me (I'm 58). I so know what you mean about feeling you are an athlete but not the 'hard body' lean type paraded in the media. Whenever I mention how I was a pretty good sports player (got a letter block when it took 4 years of 'girls sports' to get that vs. one sport for guys - circa 1960s) - the look of 'yea, tell me another good one' comes over the face of the person being told. But the fact is that this marvelous little 'peasant' body of mine has done some very amazing WORK for me (laid 30# adobe bricks to make a house, fenced 40 acres etc.) and even now I manage heavy physical activity when I want to. The point being that my body doesn't LOOK like it can/does those things, but it can and does. How could I NOT appreciate and love it? Keep at your beloved activities and enjoy them for YOURself too. We tried dieting for everyone ELSE, now its time for us to gift ourselves IE for our OWN SELVES. Lovely to have you here, looking forward to hearing about your IE journey too. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > It's quite tough though to be an 'athlete' but feel like my body shape doesn't fit in with the athletes I race with. > Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2009 Report Share Posted October 6, 2009 Good for you for working on taking care/picking yourself up. It is really nice to have people who truly understand here. KT > > > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > > > I've been struggling and feeling pretty hopeless lately. It started with me seeing a picture of myself at a race. I was so happy at the race because I took first place. Such a proud moment to see my hard work pay off. Then I looked at the pictures a local photographer had posted online and was completely disgusted with myself... And I'm sure you can guess how much food I've eaten today while beating myself up. > > > > > > I just feel so upset and keep feeling like it's so unfair that I have to keep struggling with my weight. I feel like I'm trapped in a body that is not me and stops me from living my life the way I want. I'm ashamed of myeslf for not being thankful I have a healthy body. But, I don't understand how to love it, listen to it, or accept it. > > > > > > Today I've been frantically entertaining the idea of another diet... And I know another diet, any diet, won't work. And which one would I even choose... It's all so confusing and I just want someone to tell me how to fix this, how to wake up tomorrow and enjoy this life I have been given. > > > > > > I apologize for the ramble and appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. > > > > > > Thank you, > > > > > > Jen > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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