Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Not a lot to say as you have put it out there very succinctly, but just want you to know you are not alone and folks are always pulling for you!! My best, > > I had some epiphanies last night (and now I'm trying to figure out how to > move forward with them.) I have been in this strangely apathetic place > about my weight. I was a size 4 last summer, and now I'm a size 8, and it > is just tearing me up because I know *how* to do this and I have been a > success at IE for so long, but I can't seem to bring myself to do what it is > I need to do - like I don't care. Usually, if I felt any difference of my > weight of just a few pounds, it would be enough to make me take a look and > fix whatever it was I was doing (pay more attention, etc.) and I would focus > on it more intensely. I just couldn't figure out how I could be relaxed > about my weight for so long (it had become a non-issue really), and then > suddenly feel like I have some issues to deal with again, and then be > apathetic or unfocused about it. It has been frustrating to say the least. > > I realized last night as I journaled, that I have some things that have > either shown up in my life that are hard to cope with or situations I > haven't come to grips with that are taking my attention and energies away > from being able to focus truly on IE and my weight. Without boring you too > much, I can explain some of them in a nutshell only because I need to figure > out how to now cope with some of this. > > My mom was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. It was a devastating > diagnosis and at the time was considered inoperable. It has been a long two > years of surgeries and fighting this thing as a family and now her cancer is > back - she has multiple nodules in her pleural lining. It doesn't look good > and I'm just so sad. We find out a course of treatment this week. At the > same time, I just found out my sister who recently had a baby, was just > rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery to stop uncontrolled bleeding. > I had no idea this happened to her, and she still hasn't called me back > because she is recovering (but I know she is now ok), but it was the thing > that tipped the whole thing for me stress-wise. On top of this, my husband > and I have been in a valley that I think we are just coming out of now, > which is good, but it has been difficult. Then add to that that someone > stole my account information at my bank (it was a hacking job so I wasn't > the only victim), but I have some cleaning up to do which takes time and > energy. And for the minor stuff, I have had multiple major ant attacks in > my kitchen this week, so all the dishes had to be removed from the cabinets > and I had to basically wash *all *my dishes and wash out cabinets this week > (not in my gameplan) TWICE because the darn ants kept returning. These were > the things that rocked the boat. > > On top of that, I have had some clutter issues that I just haven't had the > energy or time to conquer. I also live far away from town (our choice) > because we thought living in the country would be a wonderful thing. In > many ways it is, but I also have all my friends and activities in town, so > with the commute, I find I have even less time. On top of that, we made a > change to send 1 son to private school this year, so I work 3 mornings a > week to pay for that, so I have even less time, as really those 15 hours add > up to more than that with the commute. On top of that, we are planning on > switching our other son to another school in town because all the California > budget cuts have decimated our current school's ability to give a top notch > education, so I know I will have more driving. And on top of that, I have > been trying to get a handle on some health issues for myself (fatigue > related) and some financial goals as well. > > My epiphany - I realized how can I possibly focus on weight with all that > going on? My attention is so divided. I don't really know how to move > forward with this and some of these things are going to be on-going and > difficult. Thanks for letting me get that out there. I know this is a > place where people understand the valleys. What I really want is to be able > to be 'free' to focus on my weight, but I can't see the light at the end of > the tunnel yet. Thanks for listening. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Wow, you are hanging in there and that is beautiful. I would say from objective point of view what I see is a women who has been through and going through so much and the worst thing that she's allowed to happen is going from a 4 to an 8. ;-) You are awesome. Of course harder times make it harder to be within an ideal range. But you are a warrior too! Warrior > > I had some epiphanies last night (and now I'm trying to figure out how to > move forward with them.) I have been in this strangely apathetic place > about my weight. I was a size 4 last summer, and now I'm a size 8, and it > is just tearing me up because I know *how* to do this and I have been a > success at IE for so long, but I can't seem to bring myself to do what it is > I need to do - like I don't care. Usually, if I felt any difference of my > weight of just a few pounds, it would be enough to make me take a look and > fix whatever it was I was doing (pay more attention, etc.) and I would focus > on it more intensely. I just couldn't figure out how I could be relaxed > about my weight for so long (it had become a non-issue really), and then > suddenly feel like I have some issues to deal with again, and then be > apathetic or unfocused about it. It has been frustrating to say the least. > > I realized last night as I journaled, that I have some things that have > either shown up in my life that are hard to cope with or situations I > haven't come to grips with that are taking my attention and energies away > from being able to focus truly on IE and my weight. Without boring you too > much, I can explain some of them in a nutshell only because I need to figure > out how to now cope with some of this. > > My mom was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. It was a devastating > diagnosis and at the time was considered inoperable. It has been a long two > years of surgeries and fighting this thing as a family and now her cancer is > back - she has multiple nodules in her pleural lining. It doesn't look good > and I'm just so sad. We find out a course of treatment this week. At the > same time, I just found out my sister who recently had a baby, was just > rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery to stop uncontrolled bleeding. > I had no idea this happened to her, and she still hasn't called me back > because she is recovering (but I know she is now ok), but it was the thing > that tipped the whole thing for me stress-wise. On top of this, my husband > and I have been in a valley that I think we are just coming out of now, > which is good, but it has been difficult. Then add to that that someone > stole my account information at my bank (it was a hacking job so I wasn't > the only victim), but I have some cleaning up to do which takes time and > energy. And for the minor stuff, I have had multiple major ant attacks in > my kitchen this week, so all the dishes had to be removed from the cabinets > and I had to basically wash *all *my dishes and wash out cabinets this week > (not in my gameplan) TWICE because the darn ants kept returning. These were > the things that rocked the boat. > > On top of that, I have had some clutter issues that I just haven't had the > energy or time to conquer. I also live far away from town (our choice) > because we thought living in the country would be a wonderful thing. In > many ways it is, but I also have all my friends and activities in town, so > with the commute, I find I have even less time. On top of that, we made a > change to send 1 son to private school this year, so I work 3 mornings a > week to pay for that, so I have even less time, as really those 15 hours add > up to more than that with the commute. On top of that, we are planning on > switching our other son to another school in town because all the California > budget cuts have decimated our current school's ability to give a top notch > education, so I know I will have more driving. And on top of that, I have > been trying to get a handle on some health issues for myself (fatigue > related) and some financial goals as well. > > My epiphany - I realized how can I possibly focus on weight with all that > going on? My attention is so divided. I don't really know how to move > forward with this and some of these things are going to be on-going and > difficult. Thanks for letting me get that out there. I know this is a > place where people understand the valleys. What I really want is to be able > to be 'free' to focus on my weight, but I can't see the light at the end of > the tunnel yet. Thanks for listening. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 > * " are you measuring 'success' by a size #? " * > > Hmmm, yes, I guess I am to a degree, only because I maintained what felt > easy for me before...good grief for over 20 years, but then my weight > started to waffle and it was so frustrating. So, I do feel like a failure, > and it has been hard to be gentle with myself. So, I guess I am....it is > hard for me to see a clear path for myself. Help! The only thing I can offer in response to this is that I too kept in the 120-130# range without a strain until I was about 40. Then my 'peasant' genetics kicked in and the profile of all the ladies in my family shown up on me too. Looking back I think I made matters worse by keeping those #s as my 'acceptable' weight. So I ended up adding MORE weight by trying to return to what had become 'history' for me. I can beat my chest and wail that I was tricked into dieting by my doctor, but some of that credit also belongs to me for not embracing the reality of aging and genetics too. Time changes and I must too. Oh I had wished I had learned to be gentle with myself years ago ;-) Not time like the present :) ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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