Re: I'm a newcomer, and I like the work I see people doing here

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue!

This is a great group. Just by reading the posts I have been able to do a lot of

emotional work.

Having unsupportive and emotionally removed family members seems to be the

experience of a lot of people on here.

Everyone has different ways and advice on how to deal with this. Whichever way

you decide to address your families emotional unavailability I think is

dependent on what type of relationship you want to maintain with them.

If a family member is being emotionally or physically hurtful/abusive I think it

is acceptable to not put any effort into maintaining that relationship.

For me, I have found the conflict I have with certain family members to be based

on key ideological differences. I also want to maintain my relationships with

family members and it is possible to do without being emotionally or physically

hurt. So my approach has been to agree to disagree. I don't engage or initiate

conversations on food or weight with my family anymore. And this has worked

perfectly. : ) But this may not be the best approach for everyone.

I am wondering if your family understands where your emotional needs are coming

from? From my experience, when I have felt my family was being insensitive there

was some type of misunderstanding behind it. I feel like sometimes it is easier

to undervalue a loved ones emotions than actually understand or feel what they

are going through. For me at least, it is easier to brush off someones pain as

nothing than actually feel it. It can be too painful sometimes.

So not sure if this helps. Good luck with everything.

K

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> Subject: I'm a newcomer, and I like the work I see

people doing here

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Monday, March 9, 2009, 12:57 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello,

>  

> I've been part of another online community about emotional eating.  There is a

teacher associated with that one, and she is great.  I put my heart into that

community, and into the work, and I supported many, many women there.  But when

I turn around, and need some support, there doesn't seem to be anyone

emotionally capable, in that community, of helping me.  Except the teacher.  But

she only participates minimally.  So I'm looking for a more healthy place for

support for the emotional eating work, a more balanced place of giving and

taking.  And I see more giving and taking here, than there.

>  

> I had one hellish day yesterday.  I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities,

multiple food allergies (and a 4-day, rare-foods, very untasty rotation diet),

multiple chronic infections, and complete disability (I haven't been able to

work in years).  Yesterday, my grandfather told me that he never wants to hear

about my illness again, and he never wants me to call him again (I've called him

twice in my adult life), and, if I feel I absolutely must reach him, I am to

write the most incredibly brief email that I possibly can.  When I told his son,

my father, about this act of violence and cruelty, my dad said that I used to be

really talented, and my life used to have promise, and people liked to hear from

me.  But now that I've been so sick for 13 years, he said that I'm like a big

black cloud of depression for people, and they dread hearing from me, and what I

should do is just talk about positive things.  If it doesn't seem clear, my

family does not

> have the emotional capacity to support me either.  So this is a common theme

in my life.  I'm housebound, and so isolated.  And I tend not to want to bother

people, and the tiny bit of family interaction I have -- well, that's way too

much for them.

>  

> At any rate, I tried to turn to my supports yesterday, including my emotional

eating community, and they let me down in an extreme way.

>  

> I listen to Pema Chodron and meditate frequently, I listen to Geneen Roth and

meditate frequently.  That is the only reliable support I've been able to find. 

Except food.  Yes, food helped me A LOT, this past day.

>  

> The pain of yesterday, and the extremeness, the abandonment, I'm in a very

hard place.  Without enough health inside my body, to give me enough inner

resources, to hold this pain.  I do not have enough inner resources to hold this

pain.  And no outer resources at this time.

>  

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome Sue! This is a wonderful group...I hope you find the support you need here.

Subject: I'm a newcomer, and I like the work I see people doing hereTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Received: Monday, March 9, 2009, 12:57 PM

Hello,

I've been part of another online community about emotional eating. There is a teacher associated with that one, and she is great. I put my heart into that community, and into the work, and I supported many, many women there. But when I turn around, and need some support, there doesn't seem to be anyone emotionally capable, in that community, of helping me. Except the teacher. But she only participates minimally. So I'm looking for a more healthy place for support for the emotional eating work, a more balanced place of giving and taking. And I see more giving and taking here, than there.

I had one hellish day yesterday. I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, multiple food allergies (and a 4-day, rare-foods, very untasty rotation diet), multiple chronic infections, and complete disability (I haven't been able to work in years). Yesterday, my grandfather told me that he never wants to hear about my illness again, and he never wants me to call him again (I've called him twice in my adult life), and, if I feel I absolutely must reach him, I am to write the most incredibly brief email that I possibly can. When I told his son, my father, about this act of violence and cruelty, my dad said that I used to be really talented, and my life used to have promise, and people liked to hear from me. But now that I've been so sick for 13 years, he said that I'm like a big black cloud of depression for people, and they dread hearing from me, and what I should do is just talk about

positive things. If it doesn't seem clear, my family does not have the emotional capacity to support me either. So this is a common theme in my life. I'm housebound, and so isolated. And I tend not to want to bother people, and the tiny bit of family interaction I have -- well, that's way too much for them.

At any rate, I tried to turn to my supports yesterday, including my emotional eating community, and they let me down in an extreme way.

I listen to Pema Chodron and meditate frequently, I listen to Geneen Roth and meditate frequently. That is the only reliable support I've been able to find. Except food. Yes, food helped me A LOT, this past day.

The pain of yesterday, and the extremeness, the abandonment, I'm in a very hard place. Without enough health inside my body, to give me enough inner resources, to hold this pain. I do not have enough inner resources to hold this pain. And no outer resources at this time.

Sue

Now with a new friend-happy design! Try the new Yahoo! Canada Messenger

[Guest guest]

Wow, and I thought my family was bad! LOLI have no words of wisdom, just wanted to give you a big e-hug. It sounds like you have a poorly controlled autoimmune disease, which is a horribe disease, NOT just you being a weeny as your so-called family seems to think :(I know you will find support and understanding here!HugsMikkiSent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: Kipkabob Date: Mon, 9 Mar 2009 16:37:48 -0700 (PDT)To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: I'm a newcomer, and I like the work I see people doing here Welcome Sue! This is a wonderful group...I hope you find the support you need here. From: scbozzosbcglobal (DOT) net <scbozzosbcglobal (DOT) net>Subject: I'm a newcomer, and I like the work I see people doing hereTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Received: Monday, March 9, 2009, 12:57 PMHello, I've been part of another online community about emotional eating. There is a teacher associated with that one, and she is great. I put my heart into that community, and into the work, and I supported many, many women there. But when I turn around, and need some support, there doesn't seem to be anyone emotionally capable, in that community, of helping me. Except the teacher. But she only participates minimally. So I'm looking for a more healthy place for support for the emotional eating work, a more balanced place of giving and taking. And I see more giving and taking here, than there. I had one hellish day yesterday. I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, multiple food allergies (and a 4-day, rare-foods, very untasty rotation diet), multiple chronic infections, and complete disability (I haven't been able to work in years). Yesterday, my grandfather told me that he never wants to hear about my illness again, and he never wants me to call him again (I've called him twice in my adult life), and, if I feel I absolutely must reach him, I am to write the most incredibly brief email that I possibly can. When I told his son, my father, about this act of violence and cruelty, my dad said that I used to be really talented, and my life used to have promise, and people liked to hear from me. But now that I've been so sick for 13 years, he said that I'm like a big black cloud of depression for people, and they dread hearing from me, and what I should do is just talk about positive things. If it doesn't seem clear, my family does not have the emotional capacity to support me either. So this is a common theme in my life. I'm housebound, and so isolated. And I tend not to want to bother people, and the tiny bit of family interaction I have -- well, that's way too much for them. At any rate, I tried to turn to my supports yesterday, including my emotional eating community, and they let me down in an extreme way. I listen to Pema Chodron and meditate frequently, I listen to Geneen Roth and meditate frequently. That is the only reliable support I've been able to find. Except food. Yes, food helped me A LOT, this past day. The pain of yesterday, and the extremeness, the abandonment, I'm in a very hard place. Without enough health inside my body, to give me enough inner resources, to hold this pain. I do not have enough inner resources to hold this pain. And no outer resources at this time. Sue Now with a new friend-happy design! Try the new Yahoo! Canada Messenger