Re: couple of interesting thoughts

[Guest guest]

I am one of those women who had hard time to said no to pretty much things that

may make feel uncomfort, threat, not interest, another commit, or just because

not interest.

6 years ago when I break off my last relationship and not have had any since

then. Learn how to be myself without anyone tell me who they want me to be. I

almost never said no to anyone before 6 years ago. I started said no twice a

week. I admit at first it was very hard because some of them do not like to see

me stand up for myself. I lost a few friends along the time but I have gain

other good worth friends who would respect when I said no without have to

explain why. At first awhile it was very hard process but worth it because I

have regain my self-esteem each time.

Eliza

> What do you guys think? Is it hard to say no? Anyone want to try it and

> share with us how it went? You can always bring your fear, guilt, anxiety,

> here to the group instead of trying to deal with it in the moment. :-)

>

>

>

> Thanks!

> Gillian

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing Gillian! I love that quote..."The goal of IE isn’t to ‘behave’, it’s to be mindfulâ€.

I've never really said NO much. I find since finding IE though I am much more likely to do what I want to do. An example is my upcoming trip...my sister has been hounding me all year to come and visit her (she lives half way across the country). Well she is not too happy that I'm going to Nashville instead of coming to see her. I'm thinking that it's my vacation and I should be able to do what I want!!

So we both like country music and we both like Friends! Friends is my favourite show EVER! I end up watching it on tv still a few times a week and I always laugh even though I've seen the shows so many times!

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, September 1, 2009 11:54:27 PMSubject: couple of interesting thoughts

Hi Everyone,

I hope I can hang out more with all of you! I have been clearing things off my plate (so to speak!) and have set a bit of time in my schedule to be here, I like having this connection with all of you! It’s very exciting to hear about progress and breakthroughs and also to see all the support you give to others that are facing challenges.

Last week I was networking with a group of women and one was excited to hear that I was an intuitive eating coach. Apparently she is working with a dietician who has recommended IE to her (hurray!). We were talking about rules and the diet mentality that tells us when we are good or bad. She said something that I thought just summed up IE beautifully. She said, “The goal of IE isn’t to ‘behave’, it’s to be mindfulâ€. Diets are based on being good and following all the rules someone else tells you to do, while IE is about listening to your body and giving it what it’s asking for. And that’s not just food, but rest, activity, etc.

The other thing I heard today was from someone who talks about self-esteem. She was discussing how difficult it is for many women to say no. It is a common problem I see as well. If we say no to someone we are afraid we will appear selfish or not a team player. And we usually say yes to things that we really don’t want to do because saying no is too hard. This woman I was listening to today said, “Stop explaining yourself when you say no.†I liked that because that’s another thing we do. You learn to flex that “no†muscle, but then you give your reasons why you’re saying no, like you’re too busy, have another commitment, or whatever excuse you can find. If you say no, why do you have to justify it? I don’t know many men that have a problem with this because they are usually raised differently. I remember a quote from the show “Friendsâ€

(I’m a Friends junkie!) where Phoebe is asked to do something and she says, “I really wish I could, but I don’t want to.†I love that.

When I have a client that is a people pleaser and says yes to everything, I will give her an assignment to say no to at least one thing that next week. I think adding to that to not give any reason why you are saying no is interesting, and empowering.

What do you guys think? Is it hard to say no? Anyone want to try it and share with us how it went? You can always bring your fear, guilt, anxiety, here to the group instead of trying to deal with it in the moment. J

Thanks!GillianGillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Get your report, "The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating" at http://www.Healthie rOutcomes. com Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter. com/gillianhood

Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

[Guest guest]

>She said something that I thought just summed up IE beautifully. She >

said, " The goal of IE isn't to 'behave', it's to be mindful " . Diets are based >

on being good and following all the rules someone else tells you to do, >

while IE is about

> listening to your body and giving it what it's asking for. And that's not

> just food, but rest, activity, etc.

LOVE it! How about putting that onto the Home page here?!?

> This woman I was listening to today said, " Stop explaining yourself when > you

say no. " If you say no, why do you have to justify it?

One of my favorite saying is - The word NO is a complete sentence. That doesn't

mean that I don't get 'hooked' into the Lucy routine ( " Cou have some 'splaining'

to do. " as Rickie would say) when someone asks me for something. But really, the

asking isn't an obligation on MY part and I'm not the one who really must

justify another request!

Good though making topic Gillian -

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

[Guest guest]

I like that too...I'd revise it slightly: " I know that you really wish that I

could/would do that, but I don't want to. " I'm going to await the appropriate

opportunity to skillfully use this response.

I remember a quote from

> the show " Friends " (I'm a Friends junkie!) where Phoebe is asked to do

> something and she says, " I really wish I could, but I don't want to. " I love

> that.

> Thanks!

> Gillian

[Guest guest]

I don't have a problem saying 'no', but I usually use my kids, job, and thesis as an excuse rather than saying that I just don't want to do something!  I'm working on just saying no to telemarketers from charities, I have a problem with that :}

 

Mikki

[Guest guest]

As soon as I find out that a charity is calling I say - " I'm sorry, but I'm

tapped out. " End of story. - Katcha

>

>I'm working on just saying no to telemarketers from charities, I

> have a problem with that :}

>

> Mikki

>

[Guest guest]

Just remember that the really reputable charities rarely call unsolicited. Many of the "charities that call on the phone are barely charities at all....just money making machines. You can check out charities here ----> www.charitynavigator.org You can look up any charity....see where it's based, what's its reputation is, and how much of its money goes to the actual cause it supposedly supports. You'd be surprised at how many of these "charities" spend less than 10 % of their donations on the "cause" and 80% or more on "marketing". That will cure you from saying "yes" all the time to those charming telemarketers.For awhile I used to tell the people to hang on....I

was going to look them up on charitynavigator.org. You'd be surprised how many hang up on ME after I say that. Now at the beginning of the year, my husband and I decide what our charity budget will be for the year and we go ahead and send out that money right then and there. Then we know that our money is going to actual reputable charities that are actually doing some good. Then when those other people call we just say "We've already allocated our charity budget for the year" and hang up.Betsy

As soon as I find out that a charity is calling I say - "I'm sorry, but I'm tapped out." End of story. - Katcha

>

>I'm working on just saying no to telemarketers from charities, I

> have a problem with that :}

>

> Mikki

>

[Guest guest]

Eliza,

Great job! I like how you practiced it by

doing it twice a week. It’s kind of like a muscle, the more you do it,

the more it grows, or becomes easier. It’s the “no” muscle. I’ve

found friends (and family) who get mad at you saying no aren’t very good

friends. If they really cared about you, they would respect your boundaries. A

lot of the women I work with have a hard time saying no and when they start

doing it some people do get mad. There are people out there that benefit from

and take advantage of people pleasers that always say yes. When it stops, they

go away because they can’t get what they want from you, or they are

simply uncomfortable with your growth.

Thanks!

Gillian

Gillian

Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood

I am one of those women who had hard time to said no to pretty much

things that may make feel uncomfort, threat, not interest, another commit, or

just because not interest.

6 years ago when I break off my last relationship and not have had any since

then. Learn how to be myself without anyone tell me who they want me to be. I

almost never said no to anyone before 6 years ago. I started said no twice a

week. I admit at first it was very hard because some of them do not like to see

me stand up for myself. I lost a few friends along the time but I have gain

other good worth friends who would respect when I said no without have to

explain why. At first awhile it was very hard process but worth it because I

have regain my self-esteem each time.

Eliza

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the suggestion, Katcha, I will

put that on the home page!

I’m not surprised one of your

favorite words is no. I imagine you as someone who can keep her boundaries! You

have to let us all know your secret!

Thanks!

Gillian

Gillian

Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood

>She said something that I thought just summed up IE beautifully. She >

said, " The goal of IE isn't to 'behave', it's to be mindful " . Diets

are based > on being good and following all the rules someone else tells you

to do, > while IE is about

> listening to your body and giving it what it's asking for. And that's not

> just food, but rest, activity, etc.

LOVE it! How about putting that onto the Home page here?!?

> This woman I was listening to today said, " Stop explaining yourself

when > you say no. " If you say no, why do you have to justify it?

One of my favorite saying is - The word NO is a complete sentence. That doesn't

mean that I don't get 'hooked' into the Lucy routine ( " Cou have some

'splaining' to do. " as Rickie would say) when someone asks me for

something. But really, the asking isn't an obligation on MY part and I'm not

the one who really must justify another request!

Good though making topic Gillian -

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

[Guest guest]

Yes, that is a good way to revise it.

One of my favorite books is “The

Surrendered Wife” by Doyle. It’s not at all what it sounds

like from the title. It’s all about taking personal responsibility for

your actions, talking and acting with self-respect and respect for others, and

making self-care a priority. Most of the suggestions in the book were really

helpful for me but one thing really stuck out.

She says when your husband (and this could

really be anyone you have any kind of relationship with) asks you to do

something that you really don’t want to do you simple say, “I can’t”.

And that’s it. No explanation, no guilt, no nothing. I’ve used it

and when you say it with conviction and confidence, it works. Of course I am

reasonable about it, I don’t say I can’t to everything he asks. But

if it will get in the way of something I want or need to be doing, including

sleep!, then I’ll tell him I can’t.

Thanks!

Gillian

Gillian

Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of latoyajw

Sent: Wednesday, September 02,

2009 7:19 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject:

Re: couple of interesting thoughts

I like that too...I'd revise it slightly: " I know

that you really wish that I could/would do that, but I don't want to. " I'm

going to await the appropriate opportunity to skillfully use this response.

I remember a quote from

> the show " Friends " (I'm a Friends junkie!) where Phoebe is asked

to do

> something and she says, " I really wish I could, but I don't want

to. " I love

> that.

> Thanks!

> Gillian

[Guest guest]

Mikki,

That’s a good place to practice no.

I’m so tired of them! The Do Not Call List sure hasn’t worked. I

used to have a really hard time with saying no to them but now I can stop them

mid-sentence and tell them I don’t want to waste their time, I’m

not interested, and please take me off your list. Click. I actually didn’t

realize that I can do that now compared to the past until you brought it up! We

can all call you and you can practice. J

Thanks!

Gillian

Gillian

Hood-son, MS, ACSM

Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com

Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of Martha Behnke

Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009

10:44 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

Re: couple of interesting thoughts

I don't have a problem saying 'no', but I usually use my kids, job, and

thesis as an excuse rather than saying that I just don't want to do

something! I'm working on just saying no to telemarketers from charities,

I have a problem with that :}

Mikki

[Guest guest]

Gillian,

Something clicked in my mind this morning when I read " I can't " . My first

response to " I can't " was to think that usually technically " I can " do

something...it's usually that I don't want to because I have different

priorities. So, I wasn't sure if I'd feel comfortable saying that " I can't " .

Then I started to practice saying " I know that you want me to do that and I

can't " out loud and the click happened. If doing something is not aligned to the

values/priorities that I'm clear about, then I really " can't " do it because if I

do I'm compromising my integrity.

I believe that ongoing compromises of personal integrity in relationships will

result in the relationship inevitably ending anyway. I agree with you about

trying to be reasonable. Being clear and honest with others is authentic

communication. I've been reading more about self-care lately. So, thank you for

the additional book resource.

L.

Yes, that is a good way to revise it. I've used it and when you say it with

conviction and confidence, it works. Of course I am reasonable about it, I don't

say I can't to everything he asks. But if it will get in the way of something I

want or need to be doing, including sleep!, then I'll tell him I can't.

>

> Thanks!

> Gillian

[Guest guest]

>We can all call you and you can practice.

 

LOL Gillian   I'd enjoy talking to all of you guys!!  I used to just say no but they got smart - the ones who get me are the " Hello, I'm Judy and I have Multiple Sclerosis.  Could you possibly spare $15 to help find a cure for me and people just like me who are suffering every day? "    you know the ones...

 

But from now on I'm going to tell callers that there is too much telemarketing fraud so take me off their list but I will check out their website

 

[Guest guest]

I guess my individual attitude comes from a fear of being drained dry ;-) It

also has been strengthened by finding that when I have stood my ground, those

that didn't respect or support me went away (just like you said about 'true'

friends) and I was BETTER off. Yep - use and practice of the NO muscle is a good

thing. And now thanks to IE I can even pretty much back off diet mentality in

all its shapes and forms. Ahhhh freedom!

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> I imagine you as someone

> who can keep her boundaries! You have to let us all know your secret!

> Thanks!

> Gillian

[Guest guest]

I just very nicely say 'Please take me off your list' and hang up before they

can reply.

-- In IntuitiveEating_Support , Martha Behnke

wrote:

>

> I don't have a problem saying 'no', but I usually use my kids, job, and

> thesis as an excuse rather than saying that I just don't want to do

> something! I'm working on just saying no to telemarketers from charities, I

> have a problem with that :}

>

> Mikki

>