the small successes

[Guest guest]

I've been noticing my appetite go down big time recently, and I couldn't help

but feel good about it. I tried to keep my focus on being hapy that I'm

peaceful with food, regardless of how big or small my appetite is. Then, the

past couple days, my appetite has been much bigger. Usually my first reaction

is to try to manipulate my appetite, to try to convince myself that I'm actually

bored, or have anxiety, etc. Then I get panicky and end up overeating for a

while. But this time I didn't do that. I remained committed to peace with

food. When I wanted to eat, when I knew I would feel deprived without eating, I

just ate. And I promised myself I would eat until I was totally satisfied. I

was able to really enjoy my food without guilt or manipulation.

Yesterday, I ate 2 of my 3 meals before I actually felt physically hungry. I

ate them because I just had the desire to, because I craved the food. I felt

calm and very satisfied and happy. Then I went the rest of my day without the

desire to eat. I went seven hours without any desire for food, and then I went

to bed. I didn't even feel very hungry this morning when I woke up.

I really believe my body's testing me. It's like, okay, is food really totally

available to me. I think that when I start feeling happy about not eating, I

need to prove to myself that I have complete permission to eat. Once I prove

that, my appetite goes away again.

Feeling good.

Sara