Guest guest Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 thanks so much for your honesty. i am finding that the less focused on the food i am, or say, the more conscious and present i am in my body, the more the feelings come up, the things I have been avoiding: loneliness, fear, anxiety, but also joy, gratitude, peace. it is empowering. good for you for speaking up.. laurie > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 I sort of had a revelation overnight about this subject. The feelings I've had over the weekend about my husband and his lack of attention were the feelings of an addict. I could describe my wanting for his attention as " starving " for attention. So I realized this is my addictive behavior coming out in another way. There is nothing wrong with asking for a kiss but when I obsess all day about it then something is not right. Deb > > > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > > > Deb > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 Deb, I have these attention issues also. In retrospect, I realize that it usually starts with me feeling insecure about somthing. Then I start attaching that insecurity to my husband. He doesn't even know what hits him. I start demanding. But I don't really want attention that I've demanded. So I don't really get what I want, and my husband is irritated. I've kind of been getting into the idea that we create our own reality by our beliefs. So I have to stop, spend some time loving myself, then I visualize my husband as kind, loving, attention-giving. Then, I treat him that way, and before I know it, he's acting that way. Sounds kind of weird, but it works for me. He doesn't really want to give me loving attention, until I'm treating him kind and lovingly myself. Good Luck! Sara > > > > > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > > > > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > > > > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > > > > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > > > > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > > > > > Deb > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 This is very interest topic. I never have had married before but though I do want one day when I am really truly ready and who knows. Although I did have had a longest relationship for almost 7 years before I ended it for several reasons. There things I did really learn something. For couple should at least have spend sometime together just two alone. Couple hours once or twice whatever work for both to set up the date to go out or if there any kids send them off to someone friend or family to keep them for a night. There is many ways to have just two spend time together alone. Insecure tend to cause trust, feelings, and other things mess up. I don't have insecure at all. Even though I have not been in relationship in almost 6 years. Amazed as that go by as I learn more about myself and find myself as I always had feel lost for years even in the relationship. Feel lost but never for one second insecure. Eliza > > > > > > > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > > > > > > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > > > > > > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > > > > > > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > > > > > > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > > > > > > > Deb > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 I've felt that way before and so has my dh. ;-) Sometimes it's what my therapist calls the dance of intimacy...you draw closer and pull back. It's always happening in a relationship, to one degree or another. Sometimes, the more I try to pull him close to me or me close to him, the more he pulls away. And without either of us knowing it, we are just carrying that out. Then other times, it's that I need to voice what I need and be honest and vulnerable and say I need some attention (preferably not in my whiny or bitchy voice.) lol KT > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > Deb > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 This was wonderful! I am soaking it all in. KT > > > > > > > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > > > > > > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > > > > > > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > > > > > > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > > > > > > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > > > > > > > Deb > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 > > > > I have been annoyed, really annoyed by my husband lately. > > > > He hasnt really changed or done anything to piss me off, he's just being himself and frankly I dont like him right now. > > > > What I'm really wanting from him right now is alot of attention. I've noticed my thoughts are consumed with it. We've been married 22 years. > > > > It took me all weekend to get the nerve up to say to him, " can we spend some time together? " and " how come you never kiss me anymore? " > > > > I guess this is more stuff coming to the surface. It feels good to have new life inside me. It feels empowering. > > > > Deb > > > i can relate to this too. when i stop focusing so much on food other feelings come up and i have to figure out how to deal with them. which really, i think is my whole issue with binging. trying to mask feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2009 Report Share Posted August 24, 2009 THere are times too that if I am mad at dh, I feel myself pulled to overeating, as an I'll show him thought maybe, or maybe more of, oh, you must like it when I'm thinner, so I'll eat this! (of course, it's much more subconscious than conscious....just what I've figured out over time that is sometimes happening up in the old noggin.) lol KT > > > > thanks so much for your honesty. i am finding that the less focused on the food i am, or say, the more conscious and present i am in my body, the more the feelings come up, the things I have been avoiding: loneliness, fear, anxiety, but also joy, gratitude, peace. it is empowering. good for you for speaking up.. > > > > laurie > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Hi Deb, thank you so much for your openness about this situation, which I am sure we have all experienced to some degree or another. I have been married 28 years. Thanks also for the insight of the other replies. I think our relationships, whether with husband, significant other, children, relatives, friends, co-workers, etc. ALL relate to our relationship with food. It sort of boils down to how we let these other relationships interfere with our goals toward eating. Our ATTITUDE toward whatever happens in our lives makes a huge difference in how we deal not only with food, but with all other relationships. If you get down on yourself, it affects everything and everybody else to some degree. I have worked really hard at not blaming myself or " yelling " at myself whenver I err (which is often), and see this as a real beginning to change. Thanks again for your post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yes, very interesting insights into how our " food issues " are sometimes really " relationship issues " , and that denying or fearing to deal with relationship issues can lead to some serious food issues! I'm going through that right now, as my husband (in my mind at least LOL) picked a fight with me, regarding our finances. Now, obviously HE has something else going on because he was bringing up some really weird stuff and the " spark " was only a $5 purchase! But he made some pretty insulting remarks about how " it must have been something I was embarrassed for him to know about " , and having some sort of " secret economy " , which made me REALLY angry. In the past, I would have gone straight to the trough and eaten my way through my misery!! But this time I refused to either indulge (too much in angry thoughts about it all day or bury my feelings under an extra 2000 calories and hoped it would all just go away soon. Instead, I have eaten an appropriate amount of food at my meals (stopping when full even instead of cleaning my plate), and spent an hour writing down what I think the issues are regarding handling finances. When I finished, I decided that I could never say it better than I had just written it down, so I e-mailed it to him. He hasn't responded yet, and he'll be home in 2 hours, so I'm going to try real hard not to fret about his reaction (and eat to soothe myself!!). That's my own insecurity ... sometimes he stomps around and yells but he'd never hurt me or be really MEAN or call me names, so I have nothing to be afraid of (that's my issues from abusive dad that I try very hard not to succumb to in times like this!). In the meantime, I'm moderately proud of myself for facing the issues, making a calm case and suggesting solutions instead of dwelling on feelings, and NOT hiding behind food IE isn't letting me hide my fears behind food anymore (not a rule, just a change in attitude , so the only left to do is deal with them LOL Mikki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2009 Report Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yep, relationships with people and food too are very intertwined. Here's something I just read which got my attention too - " We certainly appreciate that sharing a meal with someone you love and be pleasurable. There is a big difference, however, between - eating a meal as a joint experience - and - eating meals you are not hungry for as a joining experience. " Food and love are interconnected for us in so many ways. Bravo for you not yelling at yourself. That's a big step too. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Hi Deb, thank you so much for your openness about this situation, which I am sure we have all experienced to some degree or another. I have been married 28 years. Thanks also for the insight of the other replies. I think our relationships, whether with husband, significant other, children, relatives, friends, co-workers, etc. ALL relate to our relationship with food. It sort of boils down to how we let these other relationships interfere with our goals toward eating. > > Our ATTITUDE toward whatever happens in our lives makes a huge difference in how we deal not only with food, but with all other relationships. If you get down on yourself, it affects everything and everybody else to some degree. I have worked really hard at not blaming myself or " yelling " at myself whenver I err (which is often), and see this as a real beginning to change. Thanks again for your post. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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