Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 Hi again, I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this stuff has nothing to do with logic. Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it. When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a "weight" was lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom. I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the "head" stuff needs to be dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself! Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still wanted to lose the weight? Thanks!GillianGillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM Get your report, "The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating" at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2009 Report Share Posted September 10, 2009 Gillian, I agree that putting losing weight on the back burner has to come first. However, this is a very long recovery process (In my opinion) - and what do you do when your health is in jeopardy and any additional weight you gain during this learning process puts you in more jeopardy? I have to visit my doctor in 2 weeks. I know I've gained weight and am probably at my all time high. Last visit, he very gently asked me about considering lap band surgery. I know he's concerned for my health. I know I'm supposed to stand up for what I believe in and I do believe in Intuitive Eating. However, am I going to end up needing a wheelchair and nitroglycerin in the meantime till I " get it? " These are my fears. Thank you for offering your support here. I appreciate everyone's feedback. I'm sorry I'm not feeling very positive today but hey, at least I'm FEELING! Peaches > > Hi again, > > I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's > understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but > there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but > herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS > optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still > dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all > food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this > stuff has nothing to do with logic. > > Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the > negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I > told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if > she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't > news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because > she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it. > When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like > even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to > say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more > she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a " weight " was > lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom. > > I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the " head " stuff needs to be > dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat > your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of > you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of > putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're > past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself! > > Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still > wanted to lose the weight? > > > Thanks! > Gillian > Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM > > Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at > http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com <http://www.healthieroutcomes.com/> > Follow me on Twitter: <http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood> > http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2009 Report Share Posted September 10, 2009 Gillian, I love your post about the desire to diet being a need to control from other things in your life. It so hits the nail on the head for me. I'm always reminded that me feeling bad about my weight or my body is me feeling bad about something else, really. I know that I've always been obsessed and negative about my body no matter how thin I was. And I now realize, that that was just me feeling less than. It wasn't about a number on a scale, or the number on my jeans. It was about me having low self-esteem. I was raised in a very unhealthy environment. My dad was a severe alcoholic who abused my mother. He was very scary and my home felt unsafe. He also crossed lines that he shouldn't have crossed with us girls. They call it " covert " sexual abuse. We weren't molested, but we felt sexually unsafe to the point that we piled on clothes to go to sleep at night. (I actually din't realize my older sister was doing this, too, until we talked about it as adults.) My mom has emotional problems to the point that now she can no longer sit in a waiting room with other people without having a panic attack. She did the best she could with us, but she passed down to us her extremely low self-esteem. Nothing less than perfection was ever good enough. If I got an A in school, why wasn't it an A+. If I was in the top 5% of my class, wny wasn't I number 1. Every art I drew was critiqued on how it could be better. Everything I wrote was critiqued the same. I craved that acceptance from her, so I strove for total perfection. Of course, perfection and acceptance never really came, but it's very hard for me to get past. I see models on television, and it's been hard to get over the idea that I need to compare myself to them. It's a ridiculos notion. Why in the world would I feel in competition with Angelina Jolie? It's not about logic, it's about this idea of that ever-elusive perfection. My mom used to always go on and on about me being skinny, but you could tell she loved it. Of course, she'd still point out my small breats, or the cellulite on my thighs. I was never just right. Not for her, and not for myself either. My sisters were always bigger and always down on themselves. She would criticize them, but she would also spend some time trying to compliment and boost them. Now, that I've gained weight, she never compliments me. It hurts my feelings, too. I think she can't stand it that I accept myself this way. I think if I were down on myself, and constantly trying to diet, she'd actually be much kinder. At the deepest level, dieting is about feeling less than for me. It's about a low self-esteem. If I truly loved myself, I wouldn't crave compliments from other people. It's about controling something in my life, in order to seek that acceptance, only now I'm seeking acceptance from myself. But changing weight won't make me love myself. When I started dieting I was 15 years old. I was 5'7 " and weighed 120 pounds. Dieting was certainly not about weight. It was about not ever feeling good enough, and trying desperately to find something that I eroneously felt I could control. It was about that high when I realized I could momentarily transform my body and actually change myself. Since I felt so bad about myself, changing my very body, my very packaging felt so exhilarating. The only way for me to change my desire to diet, is to cure the root of the diet in the very first place. I have had to learn to adore myself right now. And that's how I got off the drive to diet. I focused on self-esteem. I accept and love myself now. I gave up the idea of weight loss. If it comes, fine, if it doesn't fine. I have to love myself regardless. (This is how I feel most of the time. I still dip into negative thoughts, but they've lost a lot of their power with me.) Every time I start to feel negative about myself, I get all logical about it now. I was totally illogical before. At work, we were all putting down our sizes for t-shirts, and I was embarrassed that I was one of the only ones to put down XL. And then I thought, why does that have to be embarassing. It's just letters on a paper. It doesn't change me in the least. And then I started focusing on being proud of my substance, my curves, my nice big breasts that'll fill out that XL t-shirt. I decicided to feel proud of those two letters instead. And that made all the difference. I need to treat myself now the way I craved to be treated as a kid. I need to be proud of every aspect of myself, and love every aspect of myself. If my self-esteem was the root of my dieting in the first place, then I cannot cure myself of diets without curing my low self-regard. Sorry to go on and on in all my posts about self love. But it's incredibly good therapy for me. Thanks for all your patience. Sara > > Hi again, > > I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's > understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but > there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but > herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS > optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still > dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all > food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this > stuff has nothing to do with logic. > > Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the > negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I > told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if > she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't > news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because > she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it. > When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like > even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to > say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more > she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a " weight " was > lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom. > > I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the " head " stuff needs to be > dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat > your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of > you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of > putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're > past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself! > > Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still > wanted to lose the weight? > > > Thanks! > Gillian > Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM > > Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at > http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com <http://www.healthieroutcomes.com/> > Follow me on Twitter: <http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood> > http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2009 Report Share Posted September 10, 2009 Sara I am new to IE. I just read your post and am VERY inspired by your words regarding self-esteem. I have been struggling with my self-esteem all my life and I know that loving myself is where it starts. I know this in my head but how do I let go and learn to do it in my heart, soul and mind? I know it is a moment by moment process and am working on it. My husband is absolutely fabulous and tells me how wonderful I am all the time. The worst part for me now is that my husband and I recently moved in with my 82 year old mother to help her and all the old stuff is coming back. Plus she loves to cook good comfort foods. I am working on learning to say " no " when necessary and " yes " when appropriate. But sometimes I feel the emotions overwhelming me and if a bag of chips enters the house - woof - they are gone. So I know I'm a stress eater. I just want to thank you for the wonderful post. > > > > Hi again, > > > > I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's > > understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but > > there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but > > herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS > > optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still > > dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all > > food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this > > stuff has nothing to do with logic. > > > > Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the > > negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I > > told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if > > she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't > > news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because > > she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it. > > When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like > > even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to > > say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more > > she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a " weight " was > > lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom. > > > > I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the " head " stuff needs to be > > dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat > > your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of > > you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of > > putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're > > past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself! > > > > Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still > > wanted to lose the weight? > > > > > > Thanks! > > Gillian > > Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM > > > > Get your report, " The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating " at > > http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com <http://www.healthieroutcomes.com/> > > Follow me on Twitter: <http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood> > > http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Sara, Wow. What an absolutely beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your path and transformation with us. I had a profound moment of insight while reading When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. One invaluable aspect of this book is it's emphasis on creating a self-caretaker, which I like to call a self-caregiver. I realized that when I eat for comfort, I have emotionally abandoned myself in the same way that I felt abandoned in relationship with my mother. Like your mom, my mom did her best. And at the same time, she never learned how to lovingly deal with her own emotions or be her own accepting caregiver and could therefore not model or teach that to me. So, as a core part of your work has been to cure low self-regard, mine has been to learn how to be with myself when I'm emotionally overwhelmed without using food. This is intentional personal evolution that benefits our relationships and the larger culture. May we all find the root and work with the root! Latoya:) > If my self-esteem was the root of my dieting in the first place, then I cannot cure myself of diets without curing my low self-regard. > > Sara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Wow Sara! Thanks for sharing your story! I could relate to a lot of what you said. I have a very similar relationship with my mother. When I was in school there was constant pressure to be the best. I remember once I got a 100 on a test...but that wasn't good enough for Mom because there were bonus questions so I could have had more than 100! Imagine being disappointed in someone for getting 100!! I agree that it all comes down to self-esteem. I binged for years because I had low esteem. I dieted for years because I had low self-esteem. IE has done wonders for my self esteem. I've stopped comparing myself constantly to other people. I'm unique and I'm good enough just as I am! One of my favourite song lyrics are "I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else." Thanks again for sharing your story! To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thursday, September 10, 2009 3:30:28 PMSubject: Re: A thought to share Gillian, I love your post about the desire to diet being a need to control from other things in your life. It so hits the nail on the head for me. I'm always reminded that me feeling bad about my weight or my body is me feeling bad about something else, really. I know that I've always been obsessed and negative about my body no matter how thin I was. And I now realize, that that was just me feeling less than. It wasn't about a number on a scale, or the number on my jeans. It was about me having low self-esteem. I was raised in a very unhealthy environment. My dad was a severe alcoholic who abused my mother. He was very scary and my home felt unsafe. He also crossed lines that he shouldn't have crossed with us girls. They call it "covert" sexual abuse. We weren't molested, but we felt sexually unsafe to the point that we piled on clothes to go to sleep at night. (I actually din't realize my older sister was doing this, too, until we talked about it as adults.) My mom has emotional problems to the point that now she can no longer sit in a waiting room with other people without having a panic attack. She did the best she could with us, but she passed down to us her extremely low self-esteem. Nothing less than perfection was ever good enough. If I got an A in school, why wasn't it an A+. If I was in the top 5% of my class, wny wasn't I number 1. Every art I drew was critiqued on how it could be better. Everything I wrote was critiqued the same. I craved that acceptance from her, so I strove for total perfection. Of course, perfection and acceptance never really came, but it's very hard for me to get past..I see models on television, and it's been hard to get over the idea that I need to compare myself to them. It's a ridiculos notion. Why in the world would I feel in competition with Angelina Jolie? It's not about logic, it's about this idea of that ever-elusive perfection. My mom used to always go on and on about me being skinny, but you could tell she loved it. Of course, she'd still point out my small breats, or the cellulite on my thighs. I was never just right. Not for her, and not for myself either. My sisters were always bigger and always down on themselves. She would criticize them, but she would also spend some time trying to compliment and boost them. Now, that I've gained weight, she never compliments me. It hurts my feelings, too. I think she can't stand it that I accept myself this way. I think if I were down on myself, and constantly trying to diet, she'd actually be much kinder. At the deepest level, dieting is about feeling less than for me. It's about a low self-esteem. If I truly loved myself, I wouldn't crave compliments from other people. It's about controling something in my life, in order to seek that acceptance, only now I'm seeking acceptance from myself. But changing weight won't make me love myself.When I started dieting I was 15 years old. I was 5'7" and weighed 120 pounds. Dieting was certainly not about weight. It was about not ever feeling good enough, and trying desperately to find something that I eroneously felt I could control. It was about that high when I realized I could momentarily transform my body and actually change myself. Since I felt so bad about myself, changing my very body, my very packaging felt so exhilarating. The only way for me to change my desire to diet, is to cure the root of the diet in the very first place. I have had to learn to adore myself right now. And that's how I got off the drive to diet. I focused on self-esteem. I accept and love myself now. I gave up the idea of weight loss. If it comes, fine, if it doesn't fine. I have to love myself regardless. (This is how I feel most of the time. I still dip into negative thoughts, but they've lost a lot of their power with me.)Every time I start to feel negative about myself, I get all logical about it now. I was totally illogical before. At work, we were all putting down our sizes for t-shirts, and I was embarrassed that I was one of the only ones to put down XL. And then I thought, why does that have to be embarassing. It's just letters on a paper. It doesn't change me in the least. And then I started focusing on being proud of my substance, my curves, my nice big breasts that'll fill out that XL t-shirt. I decicided to feel proud of those two letters instead. And that made all the difference. I need to treat myself now the way I craved to be treated as a kid. I need to be proud of every aspect of myself, and love every aspect of myself. If my self-esteem was the root of my dieting in the first place, then I cannot cure myself of diets without curing my low self-regard.Sorry to go on and on in all my posts about self love. But it's incredibly good therapy for me. Thanks for all your patience.Sara >> Hi again,> > I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's> understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but> there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but> herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS> optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still> dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all> food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this> stuff has nothing to do with logic.> > Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the> negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I> told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if> she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't> news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because> she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it.> When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like> even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to> say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more> she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a "weight" was> lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom.> > I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the "head" stuff needs to be> dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat> your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of> you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of> putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're> past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself!> > Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still> wanted to lose the weight?> > > Thanks!> Gillian> Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM> > Get your report, "The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating" at> http://www.Healthie rOutcomes. com <http://www.healthie routcomes. com/> > Follow me on Twitter: <http://www.twitter. com/gillianhood>> http://www.twitter. com/gillianhood> The new Internet Explorer® 8 - Faster, safer, easier. Optimized for Yahoo! Get it Now for Free! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Peaches, I know that you addressed this message to Gillian and I am interested in hearing her response. I've seen this question come up before on the group. And my mind goes back to a perspective that Katcha has offered many on the group...to practice IE as you can, even if it's one principle at a time. For me, I focused on honor your hunger and exercise-feel the difference (what I like to think of as Move and Feel the Joy), when I started my IE journey. I didn't focus on legalizing foods so much -- which is what, for me, usually contributes to people experiencing weight gain in the beginning. Because I integrated honor my hunger and a daily movement practice first, my weight completely leveled off...no weight loss or weight gain for many months. I learned when I'm actually hungry...what my physical/biological hunger signals truly are. I've discovered joy in movement even though my preference is to sit and read a book. Knowing myself in this way has truly benefited my relationship with myself. Without IE, I always had the fear of gaining weight. So, the fact that I was maintaining was a big deal to me. For me, I know that the only way that I'm going to release excess pounds, in a way that honors my body, is by practicing IE...honoring my hunger, which includes recognizing when I'm experiencing mouth hunger and need to comfort myself without food and specifically finding joyful ways to move everyday. I honestly feel like the legalizing food portion of IE is made more easeful by integrating these two principles first. I haven't been focused on " weight loss " . I've been focused on practicing the IE principles as best as I can. After over a year and a half of maintaining my weight...YAY!!!...I've just started to notice my body releasing excess weight that I no longer need because of the skills I've developed through practicing IE. I would still practice IE, even if I didn't lose a pound, because of the sanity and wholeness I experience through this process. I know that felt sanity and wholeness benefits my overall health. I have a friend who had gastric-bypass surgery and who works as a counselor with other women who have had or are thinking about having this surgery. The long-term success of lap-band and weight loss surgery depends on dealing with the psychological issues and self-controlling patterns that we get stuck in. So, whether you choose to have lap-band surgery or not, the work of IE needs to happen anyway. Latoya > > Gillian, > I agree that putting losing weight on the back burner has to come first. However, this is a very long recovery process (In my opinion) - and what do you do when your health is in jeopardy and any additional weight you gain during this learning process puts you in more jeopardy? > Peaches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Thanks, Latoya for your input. I do appreciate it so much. The last week has been so very interesting for me. In my sick mind, I have very obsessively considered doing the following: 1. Leaving my husband 2. Moving 3. Quitting my job While I was contemplating each of these changes, a small part of me was saying, " ok, what will you do once you leave, move, or quit your job? " And after visiting my ED counselor/RD 2 days ago, it was so very clear that I was making progress! What a revelation, right???? Of course, when I walked into her office and told her I was doing " horribly, " by the end of the session, I learned a truism about myself. THE NEED TO " ESCAPE " IS MY RED FLAG! The fact that I FELT the need to escape my life indicates progress - Because I never felt anything before due to my food induced zombie-like existence. There is no denying that feeling either. the feelings of wanting to escape seemed so very true and real. I guess they are real feelings, but I was almost convinced that I HAD to act on them. My counselor reminded me that this is all a part of " waking up. " So how do I apply this helpful experience to my current issue of fear of gaining more weight until I " get it? " I'm trying to work through this in my head. I guess if I apply my truism of needing to escape, I would ask myself " what am I trying to escape from? " I guess the answer that comes into my head is RESPONSIBILITY. What I'm wanting to do is go get a quick weight loss fix instead of taking responsibility for the real thing that's going to fix me. I dont want to beat myself up over this either. I realize the other side of the equation that will make this work is the self-love and self-acceptance. Peaches > > Peaches, > > I know that you addressed this message to Gillian and I am interested in hearing her response. I've seen this question come up before on the group. And my mind goes back to a perspective that Katcha has offered many on the group...to practice IE as you can, even if it's one principle at a time. > > For me, I focused on honor your hunger and exercise-feel the difference (what I like to think of as Move and Feel the Joy), when I started my IE journey. I didn't focus on legalizing foods so much -- which is what, for me, usually contributes to people experiencing weight gain in the beginning. Because I integrated honor my hunger and a daily movement practice first, my weight completely leveled off...no weight loss or weight gain for many months. I learned when I'm actually hungry...what my physical/biological hunger signals truly are. I've discovered joy in movement even though my preference is to sit and read a book. Knowing myself in this way has truly benefited my relationship with myself. Without IE, I always had the fear of gaining weight. So, the fact that I was maintaining was a big deal to me. > > For me, I know that the only way that I'm going to release excess pounds, in a way that honors my body, is by practicing IE...honoring my hunger, which includes recognizing when I'm experiencing mouth hunger and need to comfort myself without food and specifically finding joyful ways to move everyday. I honestly feel like the legalizing food portion of IE is made more easeful by integrating these two principles first. I haven't been focused on " weight loss " . I've been focused on practicing the IE principles as best as I can. After over a year and a half of maintaining my weight...YAY!!!...I've just started to notice my body releasing excess weight that I no longer need because of the skills I've developed through practicing IE. I would still practice IE, even if I didn't lose a pound, because of the sanity and wholeness I experience through this process. I know that felt sanity and wholeness benefits my overall health. > > I have a friend who had gastric-bypass surgery and who works as a counselor with other women who have had or are thinking about having this surgery. The long-term success of lap-band and weight loss surgery depends on dealing with the psychological issues and self-controlling patterns that we get stuck in. So, whether you choose to have lap-band surgery or not, the work of IE needs to happen anyway. > > Latoya > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 hmmmm...very interesting about the escaping thing. I went through a year or so of the same sort of feelings...wanting to quit my job, move and just escape my life. And this was when I was really working at adopting IE...when I was "waking up" as you said. very interesting. To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Friday, September 11, 2009 9:58:05 AMSubject: Re: A thought to share Thanks, Latoya for your input. I do appreciate it so much.The last week has been so very interesting for me. In my sick mind, I have very obsessively considered doing the following:1. Leaving my husband2. Moving3. Quitting my jobWhile I was contemplating each of these changes, a small part of me was saying, "ok, what will you do once you leave, move, or quit your job?"And after visiting my ED counselor/RD 2 days ago, it was so very clear that I was making progress! What a revelation, right????Of course, when I walked into her office and told her I was doing "horribly," by the end of the session, I learned a truism about myself. THE NEED TO "ESCAPE" IS MY RED FLAG! The fact that I FELT the need to escape my life indicates progress - Because I never felt anything before due to my food induced zombie-like existence. There is no denying that feeling either. the feelings of wanting to escape seemed so very true and real. I guess they are real feelings, but I was almost convinced that I HAD to act on them. My counselor reminded me that this is all a part of "waking up."So how do I apply this helpful experience to my current issue of fear of gaining more weight until I "get it?" I'm trying to work through this in my head. I guess if I apply my truism of needing to escape, I would ask myself "what am I trying to escape from?" I guess the answer that comes into my head is RESPONSIBILITY. What I'm wanting to do is go get a quick weight loss fix instead of taking responsibility for the real thing that's going to fix me. I dont want to beat myself up over this either. I realize the other side of the equation that will make this work is the self-love and self-acceptance. Peaches>> Peaches,> > I know that you addressed this message to Gillian and I am interested in hearing her response. I've seen this question come up before on the group. And my mind goes back to a perspective that Katcha has offered many on the group...to practice IE as you can, even if it's one principle at a time.> > For me, I focused on honor your hunger and exercise-feel the difference (what I like to think of as Move and Feel the Joy), when I started my IE journey. I didn't focus on legalizing foods so much -- which is what, for me, usually contributes to people experiencing weight gain in the beginning. Because I integrated honor my hunger and a daily movement practice first, my weight completely leveled off...no weight loss or weight gain for many months. I learned when I'm actually hungry...what my physical/biological hunger signals truly are.. I've discovered joy in movement even though my preference is to sit and read a book. Knowing myself in this way has truly benefited my relationship with myself. Without IE, I always had the fear of gaining weight. So, the fact that I was maintaining was a big deal to me. > > For me, I know that the only way that I'm going to release excess pounds, in a way that honors my body, is by practicing IE...honoring my hunger, which includes recognizing when I'm experiencing mouth hunger and need to comfort myself without food and specifically finding joyful ways to move everyday. I honestly feel like the legalizing food portion of IE is made more easeful by integrating these two principles first. I haven't been focused on "weight loss". I've been focused on practicing the IE principles as best as I can. After over a year and a half of maintaining my weight...YAY! !!...I've just started to notice my body releasing excess weight that I no longer need because of the skills I've developed through practicing IE. I would still practice IE, even if I didn't lose a pound, because of the sanity and wholeness I experience through this process. I know that felt sanity and wholeness benefits my overall health. > > I have a friend who had gastric-bypass surgery and who works as a counselor with other women who have had or are thinking about having this surgery. The long-term success of lap-band and weight loss surgery depends on dealing with the psychological issues and self-controlling patterns that we get stuck in. So, whether you choose to have lap-band surgery or not, the work of IE needs to happen anyway.> > Latoya> Ask a question on any topic and get answers from real people. Go to Yahoo! Answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 That is a great insight and its so grand that you have a 'point of reference', even if its an uncomfortable one at this moment. The good news is that you do have this, you are aware of it and you CAN use it for your own benefit!! It will take some new ways of reacting, which will of course feel 'strange' too, but the door is open(ing) and you can walk thru with your own power. IE can be much more than just about food. It can be Interesting Emotions too :) BEST to you as you face and jump your hurdles - you are a winner just doing it. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Thanks, Latoya for your input. I do appreciate it so much. > > The last week has been so very interesting for me. In my sick mind, I have very obsessively considered doing the following: > > 1. Leaving my husband > 2. Moving > 3. Quitting my job > > While I was contemplating each of these changes, a small part of me was saying, " ok, what will you do once you leave, move, or quit your job? " > > And after visiting my ED counselor/RD 2 days ago, it was so very clear that I was making progress! What a revelation, right???? > > Of course, when I walked into her office and told her I was doing " horribly, " by the end of the session, I learned a truism about myself. > > THE NEED TO " ESCAPE " IS MY RED FLAG! The fact that I FELT the need to escape my life indicates progress - Because I never felt anything before due to my food induced zombie-like existence. There is no denying that feeling either. the feelings of wanting to escape seemed so very true and real. I guess they are real feelings, but I was almost convinced that I HAD to act on them. > > My counselor reminded me that this is all a part of " waking up. " > > So how do I apply this helpful experience to my current issue of fear of gaining more weight until I " get it? " I'm trying to work through this in my head. I guess if I apply my truism of needing to escape, I would ask myself " what am I trying to escape from? " I guess the answer that comes into my head is RESPONSIBILITY. What I'm wanting to do is go get a quick weight loss fix instead of taking responsibility for the real thing that's going to fix me. > > I dont want to beat myself up over this either. I realize the other side of the equation that will make this work is the self-love and self-acceptance. > > > Peaches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 I'm wondering if the feeling of 'escape' isn't the tug-pull back dance in response to the seduction/guilt of a NEW/BETTER (but definitely unknown) changed life/direction? (desire for change, but fear of unknown) Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > > > Peaches, > > > > I know that you addressed this message to Gillian and I am interested in hearing her response. I've seen this question come up before on the group. And my mind goes back to a perspective that Katcha has offered many on the group...to practice IE as you can, even if it's one principle at a time. > > > > For me, I focused on honor your hunger and exercise-feel the difference (what I like to think of as Move and Feel the Joy), when I started my IE journey. I didn't focus on legalizing foods so much -- which is what, for me, usually contributes to people experiencing weight gain in the beginning. Because I integrated honor my hunger and a daily movement practice first, my weight completely leveled off...no weight loss or weight gain for many months. I learned when I'm actually hungry...what my physical/biological hunger signals truly are. I've discovered joy in movement even though my preference is to sit and read a book. Knowing myself in this way has truly benefited my relationship with myself. Without IE, I always had the fear of gaining weight. So, the fact that I was maintaining was a big deal to me. > > > > For me, I know that the only way that I'm going to release excess pounds, in a way that honors my body, is by practicing IE...honoring my hunger, which includes recognizing when I'm experiencing mouth hunger and need to comfort myself without food and specifically finding joyful ways to move everyday. I honestly feel like the legalizing food portion of IE is made more easeful by integrating these two principles first. I haven't been focused on " weight loss " . I've been focused on practicing the IE principles as best as I can. After over a year and a half of maintaining my weight...YAY! !!...I've just started to notice my body releasing excess weight that I no longer need because of the skills I've developed through practicing IE. I would still practice IE, even if I didn't lose a pound, because of the sanity and wholeness I experience through this process. I know that felt sanity and wholeness benefits my overall health. > > > > I have a friend who had gastric-bypass surgery and who works as a counselor with other women who have had or are thinking about having this surgery. The long-term success of lap-band and weight loss surgery depends on dealing with the psychological issues and self-controlling patterns that we get stuck in. So, whether you choose to have lap-band surgery or not, the work of IE needs to happen anyway. > > > > Latoya > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________________________ > The new Internet Explorer® 8 - Faster, safer, easier. Optimized for Yahoo! Get it Now for Free! at http://downloads.yahoo.com/ca/internetexplorer/ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 > IE can be much more than just about food. It can be Interesting Emotions too :) Â LOL Katcha, ain't that the truth!! Â mikki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 2009 Report Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hi Peaches, Thank you for being so open and for asking a really important question. And it's a valid concern, so I'm glad you brought it up. First, a disclaimer. I am not a doctor or any type of medical professional. I am an exercise physiologist and have extensive learning in health and disease but it's beyond the scope of my credentials to diagnose or advise in an area such as this when it comes to your health condition. Now, that being said, I've looked through some of my books and reference material as well as thinking about it for a while. Here are my thoughts: First of all, the majority of people I know or have worked with on IE have their weight stabilize. I never make promises, but the most prevelant pattern I have seen is a little weight gain (10 lbs or so) followed by the weight stabilizing and really not changing for some time. I am very happy with this, because the weight doesn't continue to go up as you are concerned about. It may not feel great to stay at a certain weight while dealing with the process, but most people look back and end up being very grateful that they are not gaining anymore, the yo-yo cycle stops. Sometimes they'll take off some of the weight they gain in the beginning of IE, but everyone is different. I've had a few people lose very soon into the process and I've had some people come to me desperate to lose weight and after working on the head stuff like the relationship with food, self-talk, self-esteem, self-acceptance, etc., they end up being very comfortable with who they are and their weight and it's no longer an issue. So my main point for you is that you may stabilize. I don't know how long you've been working on IE but this could happen. Also, are you sure you've gained weight since seeing the doctor? Sometimes it's imagined due to self-image. I think Latoya's experience that she shared really demonstrates how the weight stabilizes. And she makes a good point, it's easy to be worried about weight gain when you aren't in your usual diet mode, but we all know that weight gain is more likely with a diet. Wow, this could get long! So from what you've said, it sounds like you aren't in that real danger zone yet, so stabilization might be a good thing. Now, before I share practical things, I want to tell you some stuff you may already know but it's important to remember so you can keep some perspective. Keep in mind I don't know your medical history, so this applies in general. First, there have been many studies about weight loss and health issues like diabetes, heart disease, pulmonary diseases, etc. Many studies have shown that a mere 10% loss of one's weight can make a significant positive impact on these conditions. I'm not thriilled to share weight loss statistics or studies because it's not our focus and I don't want anyone to get ideas in their heads like, "I'll lose 10 pounds and then come back to IE". Doesn't work. But I do think it's a very positive finding, you don't need to lose all the extra weight quickly for better health. My mentor, who is a registered dietician, has dealt with this many times. She's in Los Angeles so she gets a lot of models, actors, and other entertainers. For their job, they need to lose weight and it's usually just a few pounds. I don't like it, and she doesn't either, but it's real life in those industries (Don't get me started on that!). And of course she also gets people like you who are concerned about health issues. What they do is focus carefully on IE, the hunger and fullness signs, using the hunger scale, really tuning in to the beginning basic stuff. The fact is you don't have to diet or restrict calories. Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. Do it consistently and you can return to your natural weight, whatever that might be. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does work (especially when you aren't making the weight loss your reason for working on IE). For a few of my clients, when they aren't losing weight and it's been a long time and they've been consistent and have really come a long way in the emotional stuff and diet mentality, this is the same thing that I end up doing with them. We go back to the beginning: Asking if you're hungry when you want to eat Eating when you're hungry and stopping when you are satisfied Recognize when you want to eat for non-hunger reasons and figure out what is going on and what you really need Using a diary is very, very helpful (I even go back to one when I find myself not being as mindful). This is of course optional. Don't do it if it feels diety. But you can modify it where you just write down your hunger numbers, or just feelings, or whatever combination feels right. All you want to do is increase your awareness. Keep practicing feeling your feelings and asking what you really need. Also, ask for what you need! Sometimes it will just be that you need to feel, so go for it! Remember that these ARE NOT RULES! Another thing that I was thinking was this - is there a chance that your possible weight gain in between doctor appointments was maybe caused by his bringing lap band? Sometimes it's just little things like that. I would think about that and if you think it's possible maybe very gently tell your doctor that you appreciate his concern and you know that he means well but if you're not going to do the procedure, there's no use in talking about it. And if you have the scale battle when you go in, maybe prepare ahead of time to tell them no or at least let you turn around so you don't see and not to tell you (if it bothers you). You have your rights as a patient and they will usually respect that. While IE is about eating the foods you like, I would suggest you take a look at what you are eating and see if most of the time it's food that will support you in improving your health, or at least not foods that would be considered as having a negative effect on your health. This is truly self-care, not restriction. Obviously you don't have to be perfect, but consider what will best honor and support your body. Give it what it wants and needs. One other thing. I don't know how long you've been doing IE but the length of time is very different for each person. And even then, it really doesn't end, it's a journey. But it always gets better, even the steps back are necessary for making those leaps forward. So much of IE is natural to me and I love it, but I have my moments. I've been dealing with a lot of issues in my personal life and I've found myself wanting to eat. I knew that could happen, even with how long I've been doing well with IE. It's just a reminder for me to step back and focus. IE is all about taking care of yourself, and feeling bad for going back to some old habits isn't self-care. Did I beat Sara for length of post? I hope this is helpful to anyone having these issues. Please let me know if anything is confusing or feels contradictory to what you've been learning. I'm happy to keep this conversation going. By the way, if we have any RDs or MDs here in the group, please feel free to jump in and share what you know from your practices. Thanks!GillianGillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM Get your report, "The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating" at http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com Follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of peaches1472Sent: Thursday, September 10, 2009 5:31 AMTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: A thought to share Gillian,I agree that putting losing weight on the back burner has to come first. However, this is a very long recovery process (In my opinion) - and what do you do when your health is in jeopardy and any additional weight you gain during this learning process puts you in more jeopardy?I have to visit my doctor in 2 weeks. I know I've gained weight and am probably at my all time high. Last visit, he very gently asked me about considering lap band surgery. I know he's concerned for my health. I know I'm supposed to stand up for what I believe in and I do believe in Intuitive Eating. However, am I going to end up needing a wheelchair and nitroglycerin in the meantime till I "get it?"These are my fears. Thank you for offering your support here. I appreciate everyone's feedback. I'm sorry I'm not feeling very positive today but hey, at least I'm FEELING!Peaches>> Hi again,> > I had an amazing session with a client today who is new to IE. She's> understanding the basics quite well and she's commited to the process but> there is a lot of negative self talk and also trying to please everyone but> herself (sound familiar?). I could also see in her diary (which is ALWAYS> optional with my clients) that she was probably subconsciously still> dividing food into good and bad even though she knows logically that all> food is allowed. I'm sure you will all agree that IE and dieting, all this> stuff has nothing to do with logic.> > Anyway, I was trying to figure out how we can get her to get rid of the> negative talk and lack of self-care and self-esteem. Finally, I got it. I> told her this might be kind of scary but just to hear me out. I asked her if> she could put weight loss on the back burner. Of course I know this isn't> news to most of you, but she couldn't let go of the diet mentality because> she wants to lose weight. At first she thought about it and agreed to do it.> When I coach, clients always have the option to take a suggestion and I like> even better when they come up with the idea. She always has the choice to> say no. But the more she thought about it throughout our session, the more> she could really feel how well that would work. It's like a "weight" was> lifted off of her and she was starting to feel the freedom.> > I love IE! It's so cool. I truly believe that the "head" stuff needs to be> dealt with before the body wants to follow. Diets are the opposite - beat> your body into submission and mess up the head even more. I hope that any of> you having trouble with the diet mentality can take a look at the idea of> putting weight loss aside for now (and really look, you may think you're> past it) and get a taste of that freedom for yourself!> > Who else here has had this experience? How did you let it go when you still> wanted to lose the weight?> > > Thanks!> Gillian> Gillian Hood-son, MS, ACSM> > Get your report, "The 6 Steps to Guilt-Fr*e Eating" at> http://www.HealthierOutcomes.com <http://www.healthieroutcomes.com/> > Follow me on Twitter: <http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood>> http://www.twitter.com/gillianhood> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Gillian: Thanks very much for your very thorough reply. I really appreciate all the time you took to be so complete in your response and yes, it was extremely helpful. So, onward I go on my IE journey! Peaches > > Hi Peaches, > > Thank you for being so open and for asking a really important question. And > it's a valid concern, so I'm glad you brought it up. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.