update~some CC

[Guest guest]

Hello to all oldie goldies, and newbies, I have not been responding to many

posts lately, I apologize for this. I have several saved that I am planning

on writing to individuals about in the next few days. I have been a very busy

girl lately! I decided it was a good sign when yesterday someone asked me how

I was feeling and I thought they were referring to the head cold I had had

the week before. Perhaps a display of my moving on?

Hope the holidays were good for everyone. The last few weeks I have been

feeling like a different person. I call it my Christmas Miracle. I don't know

how else to refer to it. A month ago I couldn't imagine feeling any worse

than I did, and now I feel wonderful! My complex migraines have ceased to be

an everyday occurrence. I had hardly any Tinnitus today, and I had one

involuntary jerk today, yes ONE! Also, I only had one episode of my leg

falling asleep, and it only lasted an hour! Can you tell I'm flying high from

this?

Today I had my Cardiology appointment. I have hardly any info on this, but I

really liked him and he said that Syncope is very common, but the fact that

mine started after my surgeries, made mine pretty complex. He and my other

doctors are putting their heads together right now. I do have a Tilt Table

test soon, I'm not sure when though. I will of course update you. As of now I

have been told that I still cannot drive, and no sports, and I cannot be left

alone. Which is fine with my parents, because they have a tendency to hover

anyway, I'm 16 I need my freedom! Oh well, one day it will come. I am also

planning on going back to school in January!

Somehow the pieces of my life have glued themselves back together. Yesterday

was my 5 month anniversary from my first surgery, and today is my 3 1/2 month

from my second one. Time flies when you're having fun, right? Well, maybe

not. These last 6 months have been quite an adventure. I went from having my

doctors think I had a pinched nerve to having two brain surgeries, I have

learned that things in your life can change quite fast.

As hard as this year has turned out to be, I feel that 2002 and all of my

years to come will benefit from this one. Like I have said many times before,

I am a different person, not better and not worse, just different, very

different.

I have come to terms with who I am now, and am getting to like myself again.

I know, I know, 16 year old girls aren't supposed to like themselves, yes I'm

kidding, partially anyway. For a good while I was superglued into the idea

that I had to achieve the goal of getting back to the pre-chiari me. But what

I now realize is, I think this IS me. I am what I am. None of us are the same

year to year, or even second to second for that matter.

We are human, we change, and we grow. We go from the weed we once were, into

the beautiful people we were meant to be. Its the process of life, the tests

and trials that we all must pass in order to get the grade, if you will.

Without the tests we stay the same, unchallenged, and we stay weeds. Our

growth has been stunted, we live as shrubs instead of the gigantic Oak trees

that were planned.

But the tests that we are given ARE what makes us individuals, its how we

behave in the face of these tests, the problems that occur during different

stages of our lives. These will no doubt be the hardest things we will ever

have to encounter. But the point is that we do have to encounter them, its

how life works. These tests that make us grow can be extraordinarily painful,

emotionally and physically, perhaps this is how the phrase " growing pains "

was invented.

My objective as I write this letter is not to try and convince any of you

that things will be OK. Because they won't, things are never OK. That's why

life is a journey. This journey was set before us so we could learn. When we

were born we were placed at the very beginning of a long road.

When we were first placed of this road, all we saw was beauty, we had the

mentality that nothing happened to us, and that bad things didn't happen to

good people. But at some point in all of our lives we came to the conclusion

that this road was not as flawless as it appeared to be at first glance, now

when we looked we saw that it was curvy, bumpy, jarred rocks in several

places, disturbing visuals of what was to come, and other unpleasant things

that were mixed in with the beautiful scenery, flowers, animals, and other

beautiful things.

We realize and learned, or are learning, that life is a mixed bag, you don't

necessarily get back what you put in, as many people often say, in fact I

believe that this rarely happens. Sometimes we even feel that we pulled the

short stick. But I am choosing to look at it in the way that we didn't " pull "

the short stick, but we actually got to " have " the short stick. As insane as

this sounds, we were given the opportunity to grow, to rise above it all.

While at first most of us will resist, as lots of people pull back from fear

of the unknown, we eventually came to terms with the idea that we had to grab

what we " had " and run with it, run in whatever direction we could.

It has taken me a very long time to get to where I feel that I understand the

reason of all these happenings, not only that, I think I understand more

about life. Through my new comprehension of these things, I have come to the

conclusion, that the more you know about life and the more experiences you

have, the more you realize how little you know and how little you have

experienced.

Hugs and Pocadots,

Joanna/Atlanta

CM-17mm/SM-C1-T6<---Still there, but shrinking!!!

Decompressed, Duraplasty, Laminectomy-7/27/01

Dura Exploration, Staph infection Cleaning-9/8/01

Allergic to EVERYTHING!! Still having Blackouts, dizziness, etc...But

Headaches are getting Better!!! Doing lots of tests...But still kicking!!!