Re: Inappropriate Guilt

[Guest guest]

I think you responded beautifully. The deal is when you were a kid you

boundaries were not available and given because well, you were a kid, but now

you are an adult and you have a right to say " This hurts my feelings and I feel

angry about it " . You didn't throw anything at him, you didn't tell him he is a

bad person or father-- you just spoke that the comment was not appreciated nor

helpful. You have every right to do this as you are now in charge of taking

care of you which means your thoughts, your feelings and your needs. Your

parents obviously love you very much and can handle this.

My best,

>

> Well, I am feeling a little guilty right now. In relation to family, I often

feel guilty... As in I should be doing more etc...

>

> So I thought I would spill my thoughts on here. : ) Although I haven't been

that active I have been reading everyones posts. I have been letting myself get

too consumed with my master's. But I am finally on summer break. yahoo!

>

> Anyway, I am looking for a summer job to earn some money while I am off. Right

now, I am debating between serving at a fine dining restaurant or cashiering at

a gourmet food store. Because I am unsure of which position to go with I was

talking with my parents about the positives and negatives of each.

>

> The background story is that I have worked several catering positions in the

past. I have hated all of them... and been really bad at them. Usually because I

am way too uncoordinated to be able to hold giant trays with glassware over my

head without dropping it! But since then I have worked other semi - menial labor

jobs (assistant store manager of retailer) that were very physically demanding,

and I did relatively well.

>

> SO as I am mulling over all this my Dad asks (hesitantly) if I can physically

do the restaurant job (given my past catering experience). To be fair, he really

was trying to be supportive and helpful in helping me decided which position is

best for me.

>

> BUT I was immediately insulted. I felt (feel) like just because I don't look

like a certain way or am active in a particular does not mean I am ridiculiously

out of shape or weak. Okay I can't run even a half mile but I can walk for miles

and miles. I may not be physically active in the intentional/marathon runner way

but I am definitely an active person. I don't alter my daily life in any way to

avoid physical activity.

>

> SO I was totally irritated at this. And I was unsure of how to respond. I did

not want to say something I would regret. But ultimately I did say just because

I don't exercise like you doesn't mean I am totally unactive or out of shape.

And also that I found that comment to be offensive.

>

> There was no yelling, and we did settle it as well as is possible. But for

some reason I feel guilty! Ah, I hate that! I guess its the caretaker in me???

>

> I just feel bad for confronting him on this and probably making him feel bad

about what he said. I hate making people feel bad about anything. But I also

feel like what I said was okay. And that I am just SO tired of people walking

all over me with THEIR opinions about what THEY think I should be doing, in

relation to my weight.

>

> Okay, there it is. : )

>

> Thanks for reading,

> K

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you!

> >

> > Well, I am feeling a little guilty right now. In relation to family, I often

feel guilty... As in I should be doing more etc...

> >

> > So I thought I would spill my thoughts on here. : ) Although I haven't been

that active I have been reading everyones posts. I have been letting myself get

too consumed with my master's. But I am finally on summer break. yahoo!

> >

> > Anyway, I am looking for a summer job to earn some money while I am off.

Right now, I am debating between serving at a fine dining restaurant or

cashiering at a gourmet food store. Because I am unsure of which position to go

with I was talking with my parents about the positives and negatives of each.

> >

> > The background story is that I have worked several catering positions in the

past. I have hated all of them... and been really bad at them. Usually because I

am way too uncoordinated to be able to hold giant trays with glassware over my

head without dropping it! But since then I have worked other semi - menial labor

jobs (assistant store manager of retailer) that were very physically demanding,

and I did relatively well.

> >

> > SO as I am mulling over all this my Dad asks (hesitantly) if I can

physically do the restaurant job (given my past catering experience). To be

fair, he really was trying to be supportive and helpful in helping me decided

which position is best for me.

> >

> > BUT I was immediately insulted. I felt (feel) like just because I don't look

like a certain way or am active in a particular does not mean I am ridiculiously

out of shape or weak. Okay I can't run even a half mile but I can walk for miles

and miles. I may not be physically active in the intentional/marathon runner way

but I am definitely an active person. I don't alter my daily life in any way to

avoid physical activity.

> >

> > SO I was totally irritated at this. And I was unsure of how to respond. I

did not want to say something I would regret. But ultimately I did say just

because I don't exercise like you doesn't mean I am totally unactive or out of

shape. And also that I found that comment to be offensive.

> >

> > There was no yelling, and we did settle it as well as is possible. But for

some reason I feel guilty! Ah, I hate that! I guess its the caretaker in me???

> >

> > I just feel bad for confronting him on this and probably making him feel bad

about what he said. I hate making people feel bad about anything. But I also

feel like what I said was okay. And that I am just SO tired of people walking

all over me with THEIR opinions about what THEY think I should be doing, in

relation to my weight.

> >

> > Okay, there it is. : )

> >

> > Thanks for reading,

> > K

> >

>