my last junk food refuge

[Guest guest]

.... is alcohol

 

I've posted about this before and I've been thinking about it again as I confront issues of my health. 

 

I've done so well with my eating - I listen to my body much better, I rarely crave or eat anything that I don't truly enjoy, I'm able to turn down extra helpings when I'm full, even when I'm pressured to 'have a little more'.  But on the other hand, I can enjoy an ice cream sundae with my kids at Friendly's without any guilt.

 

But, I've been hit with so many illness and viruses that beat down my system, and make it difficult or impossible to have a consistent exercise routine (beyond my own 'issues' with separating exercise from a diet mentality!), that I'm really taking a hard look at my habits and how they are affecting my health and energy level.  And the reality is, that daily consumption of alcohol is NOT good for my immune system, it's a ton of extra calories, and (worst of all) I haven't been able to say " no " to myself when trying to resist temptation at night.

 

I truly don't know if I'm physically addicted (I don't think so) or an alcoholic - but whether it's one drink or 5, if I can't go one night without 'giving in' to the desire for that little buzz, then it's a problem.

 

I've tried treating it like any other food in an IE way ... ask myself if I really want it (I do), do I really enjoy the flavor (yup!), do I feel physically bad afterwards (nope).  BUT... it is NOT honoring my health for sure (lack of energy and catching every virus that drifts by is proof that I need a change somewhere!).

 

So I went into that still, quiet, accepting place inside myself and asked myself why I'm doing this - and the answer that came back was a very familiar one - because at some level I still feel like I don't deserve the life I've built for myself.  I've managed to stop sabotaging my relationships and my professional life, and I've managed to stop abusing food.  So, hey, what's left??  Drink too much, that's the answer!!  NOW I still have something to beat myself up about and keep me from peacefully enjoying a life with loving family and comfortable home and exciting profession. 

 

Cool.

 

yay, me.

 

fuck.

 

so what do I do?