Am I soothing or hurting myself??

June 11, 2009

Hi guys. Let me preface by saying I " m new to IE. Haven't even finished the

book yet. But am becoming familiar with some of the insights.

This past weekend was going to be very stressful and I new it. I soothed a bit

with comfort food. Then it turned into this thing that I picked up while in ww,

a bad habit I acquired of all or nothing. Like, oh, well, I " blew it " now, i

might as well go crazy with the food. It's a a form of bingeing. So I eat

whatever would be the " bad " food choices even if it's not really what I " m

craving because I am on leave from my jail sentence and I might have to head

back to jail any second (if that makes sense.)

I hope someday I can be healthy enough to maybe put the scale away. But at

least I am not going to ww anymore and I only check it about twice a week, while

trying to see the results differently. Instead of the scale being my boss,

before I get on I specifically direct my thinking to be more kind with myself

and just to be aware but not critical of any gain.

When I have been " bad " for a few days or more like I was through and around the

weekend, I would usually be scared to get on the scale and have tons of guilty

feelings. Instead, I told myself, it is what it is. Just know where you're at.

I got on and had gained like 5 pounds (had to be a lot of water weight.) So

instead of going anorexic thinking where I eat extremely " healthy " low cal.

foods for a set period of time to make everything " right, " like I usually would,

I just decided to get off the wagon I was on but not get on a different one, if

that makes any sense.

I ate more foods that agree with my body and are good for me spiritually,

emotionally and physically. A little junk too. lol But now I can go back to

martial arts tonight and feel strong, not like a bad girl who needs to perform

some act of contrition to make up for her food sins, lol, but just a girl who

wants to work out and get strong.

Anyway, because of you guys and IE, I was able to be gentle to myself and pull

out of it. Being hard on myself just always sort of put me on a different

wagon, like I said. No more wagons! lol

Warrior

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