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Hi All –

I’ve been eating

intuitively for about 6 weeks and it’s going well. I have legalized

a lot of foods pretty easily but I’m having a hard time giving

myself as much time as it takes. I am really miserable at this weight,

just physically uncomfortable all the time. I’m working on not

feeling ashamed or ugly, and that is going well too. But I just hate the

thought of the scale going up for an unspecified period of time before it

eventually, hopefully, starts going down. And when I say “the scale”

that doesn’t mean I am actually getting ON the scale. Just an

expression.

I have one particular food which is

ice cream eaten in a particular way, and I have legalized it, but I’m

mentally tapping my foot and looking at my watch and asking myself “are

you done eating this yet?” and “how many THOUSANDS more calories of

this food are we going to have to live with before you get this figured

out?” Of course with that kind of pressure the answer is no, I am

not done eating this. Yet, I am eating it when I don’t want it and

I hate that. Usually my solution is to buy more of it, but right now I’m

so tired of eating it when I don’t want it, that I’m all

confused. I’m out of it at the moment and I’m thinking, for

crying out loud, I don’t even want it? Why should I buy more?

My tentative plan is to not buy

more of it, and see if my mind clears about it a little bit. If I really

want it I can go get some more. I also think that when a food does this

to me – when I want it but I’m nto satisfied by it and I go a

little nuts with how it feels in my mouth even though it doesn’t satisfy –

that food is acting like a drug or something. Not like food, which should

have a beginning middle and end to it including satisfaction. When a food

gets kind of bewitching to me, then maybe I just need to leave it alone.

This feels close to what I used to

do, which is eat it like crazy because it was there and would be gone soon,

knowing it would not be back for a long time. And I would tell myself

that I couldn’t’ have it ever again because I ate it so crazily.

I would often throw it away if I got to the point where I didn’t’

want to wait until it was all gone to be done eating it. I just feel like

a robot without any say in what I want.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

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