Guest guest Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Hi , I am so sorry that you had to do such difficult emotional work. That sounds so tough. My dad likely had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. it's a very difficult thing to live around. one thing that i was thinking of in reading your post that i wanted to remind you of is that: while you have just made this discovery, you have been living with him for 17 years of marriage. nothing has changed despite your realization, except you. you dont have to DO anything until and if you decide you want to. in my life, i have found figuring these things is the hardest part, and taking action eventually happens of its own accord, though i've never had to deal with something as big as a marriage (though i did end a 5 year relationship, which was hard.... but making the decision was by far the hardest part). but my point is... you are in control! you dont HAVE to do anything unless you choose to! i really enjoyed the book Eat, Pray, Love, which deals with a sort of similar thing, early on... the author realizes that she doesn't want to be married, but doesn't want to leave, either, and learns eventually to make peace with the place she is in. perhaps you would enjoy this book as well. i found it very helpful to me. we're here for you. wishing you peace. abby Hi :)Maybe I'm saying this too soon (I sometimes have a tendency to do that), but basically, the " changes " start with your own attitudes and decisions about what your own boundaries are, what you'll withstand and won't, etc., how well you both can work things out and are willing to as well. You can't change him and you can't wait for him to change - he'll either do this himself or he won't and waiting and waiting is almost equal to the feeling of " eating " . Crazy, I know. But I noticed that if I'm waiting for too long I get depressed, etc., and then I wanna eat to fill up the empty gaps. Also, for me, " eating " is another twisted way of trying to find my own self-worth - sort of a substitute for it. Its so good that you are getting in touch with what makes you eat because the more you do, the less power it will have over you (my opinion). Then you'll be able to easily tell when you are doing IE and when you are doing EE (emotional eating . Lyn > Subject: A new discovery Last> night I woke up at 3 a.m. again. This time I laid in bed> and discovered that I was not hungry. I checked with my> tummy and rechecked incessantly! After I was done > checking, and my tummy won the argument, I started thinking> about my marriage. After 17 years and 7 counselors I am> suspecting that my husband has a narcissistic personality,> which means that the hope I have held for many years that he > will make changes, is soon to be lost. I am sooo torn up> over this, and I want badly for it not true because a> narcissist will never recognize his condition or be able to> make changes. It is simply who he is, and I will need to > leave him or learn to live with him. (tears) So anyway,> after only 5 minutes of tormenting myself, I started feel> HUNGRY! I thought it through and came to realize that I> was NOT hungry, I just needed to be comforted! (more very > sad tears). & nbsp; I feel so very alone and have no one> to talk to. I will soon be looking for a Narcissist Yahoo> Group. SO I MADE THE CHOICE to eat three protein bars> anyway. BUT at least I have made a HUGE step in realizing > what was happening to me! Now, I am waiting for our> marriage counselor to call me back so I can run it past> her. In the meantime, should I keep comforting myself with> food, or do you have any other ideas? OMG, I haven't > grieved this badly in years. > Knobloch> Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S.> Cellular> > ------------------------------------> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Hi I forgot to tell you. I have a very good friend who specializes in narcissism. Here is her website:http://psyqisoma.com/home/?author=2 & paged=6 She's really good at what she does and can just "nail" all the symptoms. If you want her email addy, let me know .Warmly, Lyn > Subject: A new discovery Last> night I woke up at 3 a.m. again. This time I laid in bed> and discovered that I was not hungry. I checked with my> tummy and rechecked incessantly! After I was done > checking, and my tummy won the argument, I started thinking> about my marriage. After 17 years and 7 counselors I am> suspecting that my husband has a narcissistic personality,> which means that the hope I have held for many years that he > will make changes, is soon to be lost. I am sooo torn up> over this, and I want badly for it not true because a> narcissist will never recognize his condition or be able to> make changes. It is simply who he is, and I will need to > leave him or learn to live with him. (tears) So anyway,> after only 5 minutes of tormenting myself, I started feel> HUNGRY! I thought it through and came to realize that I> was NOT hungry, I just needed to be comforted! (more very > sad tears). & nbsp; I feel so very alone and have no one> to talk to. I will soon be looking for a Narcissist Yahoo> Group. SO I MADE THE CHOICE to eat three protein bars> anyway. BUT at least I have made a HUGE step in realizing > what was happening to me! Now, I am waiting for our> marriage counselor to call me back so I can run it past> her. In the meantime, should I keep comforting myself with> food, or do you have any other ideas? OMG, I haven't > grieved this badly in years. > Knobloch> Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S.> Cellular> > ------------ --------- --------- ------> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 : I think everyone's suggestions are great. It sounds like you had a very difficult realization. You lost the idea and dream that your husband can be the man you want and need. I have found losing the dream of something is one of the hardest parts of really seeing what is going on in my life. I hope you are taking the time to be gentle to yourself and give yourself the healing time/room you need. I think it is great that you have a therapist to rely on! I do not want to suggest any particular action for you because I don't truely know your situation. But I can say that my grandfather is very likely to be a narcissitic personality. So, in a small way, I can relate to what it must be like to live with a narcissist. It is incredibly difficult. This may not be universally true but, within my own situation, I have found there is always a strong individual partnered with a narcissist. But this individual usually copes with the situation by sacrificing themselves to survive daily with their partners endless needs (i.e. narcissism), they ignore their own self - care needs. Goodluck, Kaylin > > > > Subject: A new discovery Last > > night I woke up at 3 a.m. again. This time I laid in bed > > and discovered that I was not hungry. I checked with my > > tummy and rechecked incessantly! After I was done > > > checking, and my tummy won the argument, I started thinking > > about my marriage. After 17 years and 7 counselors I am > > suspecting that my husband has a narcissistic personality, > > which means that the hope I have held for many years that he > > > will make changes, is soon to be lost. I am sooo torn up > > over this, and I want badly for it not true because a > > narcissist will never recognize his condition or be able to > > make changes. It is simply who he is, and I will need to > > > leave him or learn to live with him. (tears) So anyway, > > after only 5 minutes of tormenting myself, I started feel > > HUNGRY! I thought it through and came to realize that I > > was NOT hungry, I just needed to be comforted! (more very > > > sad tears). & nbsp; I feel so very alone and have no one > > to talk to. I will soon be looking for a Narcissist Yahoo > > Group. SO I MADE THE CHOICE to eat three protein bars > > anyway. BUT at least I have made a HUGE step in realizing > > > what was happening to me! Now, I am waiting for our > > marriage counselor to call me back so I can run it past > > her. In the meantime, should I keep comforting myself with > > food, or do you have any other ideas? OMG, I haven't > > > grieved this badly in years. > > Knobloch > > Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. > > Cellular > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ------ > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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