Re: Messages about Weight Gain and Loss...

[Guest guest]

How about brainstorming/replying with real compliments to have ready to say to

people? Here's a few off the top of my head -

I so enjoy being with you!

Being with you is a pleasure

How wonderful that we can share our experiences.

You are a person I like chatting/visiting with.

etc.?

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Jo's post about a subconsious need to hold on to weight brought some stuff

back up for me.

>

> During one of my visits home some years back, the first comment out of my

father's mouth after not seeing me for like 1-2 years was that " it looked like I

had put on some weight. " What!?#@$%@ was the first thing that went through my

mind. He couldn't just say " hello " or " how are you doing? " I'm this man's child,

he's been incapable of supporting me through his physical presence, emotionally,

or financially my whole life and yet somewhere in him, in part due to this

culture/society, allowed the first comment toward me to be about my weight. I

was speechless and just turned around and walked away from him!

>

> A month or so ago, I posted about a online pamphlet I found about body image

and loving ourselves at all size. It's a quick read and has some great

resources:

http://www.feministcampus.org/fmla/printable-materials/bodyimagebrochure.pdf

> One point that is highlighted in this brochure is encouraging people to resist

the urge to make comments when someone gains or loses weight. I've committed to

this point because, for me, comments about weight gain or loss do seem to

reinforce the craziness around eating and dieting.

>

> I was tested soon after making this commitment. A friend of mine has been

managing her portions and exercising everyday since November. I hadn't seen her

in a while and we met up to hang out. She is noticeably smaller. The thought and

old urge in me to make a comment to her about her weight loss surfaced. So, I

noticed the thought, let the urge go, and my mouth did not open. During that

internal dialogue, as I was looking at her, I realized that the loss of weight

didn't actually make her look beter (i.e., more vibrant) to me. So, I would have

made what's considered a " complimentary " comment and yet as I looked deeper, I

experienced something new. This was an important point because I now do truly

think that we lose something by offering comments like " you look like you lost

weight " , which seems to be a conditioned/automatic way to offer a compliment.

>

> In my experience, weight loss or gain is symbolic and an symptom/outcome of a

set of actions or it could be a physiological issue or both. I plan to put

effort into making sure that my compliments or expressions of care toward others

reflect different areas besides the superficial level of highlighting that a

person is larger or smaller. To my father or anyone else, my weight gain was a

message. At that time, I was really struggling and in a bad place, which was

reflected in my body.

>

> Latoya

> Practicing IE since Jan '08

>