Re: How Long Does It Take?

[Guest guest]

I agree w/you I sometimes am hungery but I just roll over and go to

sleep! Sue:)

On Thu, 22 Jul 1999 18:24:40 EDT Feb98@... writes:

>From: Feb98@...

>

>In a message dated 7/21/99 7:44:47 PM Central Daylight Time,

>angehowe@... writes:

>

><< If you laid down in bed and realized you were still a

> little hungrier than you thought an hour ago and asked your hubby to

> make half a sandwich for you, you would probably expect him to do

>so,

> and not roll over to get more sleep... pulling the covers up to not

>hear

> future requests. You would hope he would be willing, happy even, to

> help you meet your changing needs. >>

>

>Well first off I don't know a husband who would get out of bed asleep

>to make

>a sandwitch for his wife just because she was hungry. I would think it

>would

>be rude of the wife to even ask such a thing. Why wouldn't she get up

>herself

>to get her own sandwitch?? But if I went to bed and relized I was

>hungry I

>would not go get a sandwitch I would go to sleep because I never eat

>before I

>go to bed and I sure don't get out of bed to eat.

>

>Amy

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/23/99 9:45:59 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

Feb98@... writes:

<< I understand that there is a majority of mothers using AP here but

keep in mind that is not the only way. In fact it is not even the main

stream

way. >>

In my circle it is the main stream way. I disagree, I think that a 7mos old

needs just as much reassurance as a 2 week old. JMHO.

Cristina

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/23/99 12:42:24 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Debstmomy@... writes:

<< In my circle it is the main stream way. I disagree, I think that a 7mos

old

needs just as much reassurance as a 2 week old. JMHO.

Cristina >>

Cristina,

It is the same way for me, almost all my friends practice AP, and I also

agree that at 7 months old, they still need to know their Mommy is there and

will comfort them when they need it.

In fact Lexi is 18months old, and she still needs that as well, and I GLADLY

oblige her by going in and nursing her back to sleep, and I will continue to

do so till she no longer needs it

But this is not for everyone, as has been stated, people need to do what is

best for THIER family, and I will do what is best for mine

Stacie

[Guest guest]

Amy,

If we are AP parents how are we supposed to answer a question like that if

we wouldn't do that ourselves. I didn't answer because I don't have an

answer. My 21 month old son still sleeps with me and nurses on demand and

I always go to him no matter what the time. I just didn't have an answer

to a question like that. I don't judge other people for their choices and

would never send mean mail. I just can't answer a question that I have no

experience with.

Wendi

Re: How Long Does It Take?

From: Feb98@...

Well I guess mean mail was the wrong word. It wasn't mean but in each

e-mail

on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all wanted

to

know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going to

her

in the middle of the night.

[Guest guest]

amy, thanks for defendong me and syanding your grounds! Sue:)

On Fri, 23 Jul 1999 12:24:41 EDT Feb98@... writes:

>From: Feb98@...

>

>In a message dated 7/22/99 10:41:48 PM Central Daylight Time,

>PhilsGal@... writes:

>

><< Is there a reason why you keep implying that " we " are going to

>sending

> " mean "

> mail to anyone who chooses to use the " Ferber " method? I'm just

>curious as I

> don't ever recall anyone sending anyone mean mail on this subject.

>>>

>

>Well I guess mean mail was the wrong word. It wasn't mean but in each

>e-mail

>on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all

>wanted to

>know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going

>to her

>in the middle of the night.

>

>I am not for letting a 2 month old baby cry herself to sleep but a

>baby who

>is 7 months old CAN wait until morning she will adjust her eating to

>get more

>during the day and sleep more at night and the family as a whole will

>benifit

>from it. I understand that there is a majority of mothers using AP

>here but

>keep in mind that is not the only way. In fact it is not even the main

>stream

>way. In some ways it may very well be the best way but in some I don't

>think

>it is. But that's the thing about America we can all do things

>differently.

>

>She asked a question on how long do you think it will take my daughter

>to go

>to sleep on her own. Not what should I do with my 7 month old who

>isn't

>sleeping through the night yet.

>

>Amy

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/23/99 6:00:20 PM !!!First Boot!!!, sueinnbpt@...

writes:

<< It wasn't mean but in each

>e-mail

>on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all

>wanted to

>know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going

>to her

>in the middle of the night. >>

I don't think I answered her post that way at all. And I don't think I gave

the impression that she was doing something wrong or bad. I did ask her why

she decided to let her learn to fall asleep on her own, I don't think that

was out of line, just a question regarding her original post. Hope you

didn't take it the wrong way Sue, it wasn't intended that way. Joan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/22/99 7:38:29 PM Central Daylight Time, Phawxsee@...

writes:

<< i do all the time!! but men ask women ALL the time " babe,get me some water "

or

` " baby, get me some chips " so why couldnt a woman do the same? >>

My husband NEVER asks me to get him things. I can't even imagen him doing it.

I don't think I would have a problem doing it if I was going to get myself

somthing and he asked e to grab him something that was in the same direction

but other then that I don't think so.

Amy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/23/99 1:19:33 PM Central Daylight Time,

naturebaby@... writes:

<< I just didn't have an answer

to a question like that. I don't judge other people for their choices and

would never send mean mail. I just can't answer a question that I have no

experience with.

>>

That is what I would hope and expect. If you don't have an answer to her

question then DON'T answer. She didnt' wanna hear that she should do this or

that insteed she wanted to know how long it would take that is all. So Wendi

I think you did the perfect thing

As always you are right on track full of information about alot of things but

don't speak up about things you don't know of. A good combation.

Amy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/21/99 1:53:10 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Feb98@... writes:

<< I thought I would respond

with somthign other then telling you what a bad mother you are for trying to

help your child sleep. >>

Amy,

Though you probably did not mean to offend anyone here, I found this

statement somewhat disconcerting. You are basically implying that we, as a

group, are going to try to make her feel guilty for trying this method to aid

her child in sleeping. I beg to differ with you. Though I don't agree with

the Ferber method, there probably aren't many of us, in a sleep deprived

state, that didn't try this at some point and time. I agree that a Mommy who

has no sleep is not a happy Mommy. There are other ways to get sleep though

(i.e. during the day when the baby naps, etc.) Many of us don't take

advantage of these times (I know I didn't very often). The other issue that

needs to be mentioned is that baby is in the trust vs. mistrust stage

(according to son a developmental theorist). This means that the

baby needs his/her caregiver to take care of ALL of his/her basic needs to

develop during this time and move to the next stage. I am not suggesting

that allowing a child to cry to get to sleep for a few nights will ruin this,

please don't take it that way at all. I am merely saying that we all have to

do what works for our children, but this may not work for this child. An

hour is a long time for a child to cry...any child. Perhaps she would fall

asleep more quickly in your bed next to you? I don't know what your specific

situation is, but I do hope you find something that works for YOU and YOUR

baby!

Much love,

[Guest guest]

> Well I guess mean mail was the wrong word. It wasn't mean but in each e-mail

> on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all wanted to

> know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going to her

> in the middle of the night.

Gosh, Amy, some things just can't be answered!!

I tried sleep training with my first child, and my answer would have to

be " around the first birthday " based on that experience! However, I

don't think that a 7 month old should be asked to perform and behave in

a

manner that they really aren't capable of doing. Someone's going to be

sorely disappointed with the results... either the baby or the parents.

If crying is something that should be ignored, babies would have some

other mechanism for warning us that something is wrong with them.

Parenting happens 24 hours a day, not just those hours we are awake.

My post was one that didn't answer " how long " and asked " why " instead...

it wasn't done in a judgemental way, or in a way to ignore the issue

that Sue was seeking collective experiences, or even to point out that

there might be another way. It was written quickly, while my mother was

visiting me, and was sincere in wondering why. If Sue was doing one

method of sleep training, Ferber, it recommends gradually increasing the

time to return to the baby's room. The Ezzo's style is more like what

you are describing, and ignoring the child's pleas for his parent in

order to " recalibrate " the child's internal clock to the parents. If

Sue's need to sleep-train Marissa comes as a result of needing another

hour of sleep at nightm, I bet that we could find suggestions for other

ways to accomplish that that would keep all parties happy. Regardless

of the reason, it was still a valid question to ask!

- who has always been a night owl, despite my own parents' sleep

training methods!!

[Guest guest]

> Well I guess mean mail was the wrong word. It wasn't mean but in each e-mail

> on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all wanted to

> know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going to her

> in the middle of the night.

Gosh, Amy, some things just can't be answered!!

I tried sleep training with my first child, and my answer would have to

be " around the first birthday " based on that experience! However, I

don't think that a 7 month old should be asked to perform and behave in

a

manner that they really aren't capable of doing. Someone's going to be

sorely disappointed with the results... either the baby or the parents.

If crying is something that should be ignored, babies would have some

other mechanism for warning us that something is wrong with them.

Parenting happens 24 hours a day, not just those hours we are awake.

My post was one that didn't answer " how long " and asked " why " instead...

it wasn't done in a judgemental way, or in a way to ignore the issue

that Sue was seeking collective experiences, or even to point out that

there might be another way. It was written quickly, while my mother was

visiting me, and was sincere in wondering why. If Sue was doing one

method of sleep training, Ferber, it recommends gradually increasing the

time to return to the baby's room. The Ezzo's style is more like what

you are describing, and ignoring the child's pleas for his parent in

order to " recalibrate " the child's internal clock to the parents. If

Sue's need to sleep-train Marissa comes as a result of needing another

hour of sleep at nightm, I bet that we could find suggestions for other

ways to accomplish that that would keep all parties happy. Regardless

of the reason, it was still a valid question to ask!

- who has always been a night owl, despite my own parents' sleep

training methods!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/22/99 3:26:54 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Feb98@... writes:

<< Well first off I don't know a husband who would get out of bed asleep to

make

a sandwitch for his wife just because she was hungry. I would think it would

be rude of the wife to even ask such a thing. Why wouldn't she get up

herself

to get her own sandwitch?? But if I went to bed and relized I was hungry I

would not go get a sandwitch I would go to sleep because I never eat before

I

go to bed and I sure don't get out of bed to eat.

Amy >>

I don't think the main point here was wether or not a husband would go make a

sandwich for his wife if she were hungry. I think her point was that if you

or any person was so hungry that your body would not allow you to sleep,

would someone who cared for you allow you to just lie there and be hungry?

It seems to make sense that you, as an adult, would not eat before bed. A

child under one year of age (or thereabouts) is a completely different story.

If what you tried with the sleeping thing worked for you...happy days! We

are here to give different ideas and suggestions though.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/23/99 9:46:03 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

Feb98@... writes:

<<

She asked a question on how long do you think it will take my daughter to go

to sleep on her own >>

Then I guess the answer should have been that it differs for each child. I

think most of us would agree with that! If this was the case, why did you

offer all of your .02?

[Guest guest]

You know I do go in and tell her I love her and rub her back after a

little while I agree everyone has a right to their opinon but I really

feel like you are telling me that I am a bad mother. AND I AM NOT! I AM

A GREAT MOTHER! We all just have different opinions and ways of doing

things! I love Marissa and thanks to the one hour of one night she is

now sleeping through the night! I also want to thank amy for sticking up

for me THANKS AMY! Sue mom to Marissa 12-07-98

On Fri, 23 Jul 1999 15:53:46 EDT MamaToLexi@... writes:

>From: MamaToLexi@...

>

>In a message dated 7/23/99 12:42:24 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

>Debstmomy@... writes:

>

><< In my circle it is the main stream way. I disagree, I think that a

>7mos

>old

> needs just as much reassurance as a 2 week old. JMHO.

>

> Cristina >>

>Cristina,

>It is the same way for me, almost all my friends practice AP, and I

>also

>agree that at 7 months old, they still need to know their Mommy is

>there and

>will comfort them when they need it.

>In fact Lexi is 18months old, and she still needs that as well, and I

>GLADLY

>oblige her by going in and nursing her back to sleep, and I will

>continue to

>do so till she no longer needs it

>But this is not for everyone, as has been stated, people need to do

>what is

>best for THIER family, and I will do what is best for mine

>Stacie

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

> Well I guess mean mail was the wrong word. It wasn't mean but in each e-mail

> on the subject not one person answered the question asked. They all wanted to

> know why on earth she would be letting her child CRY insteed of going to her

> in the middle of the night.

Gosh, Amy, some things just can't be answereddespite the experience

level!!

I tried sleep training with my first child, and my answer would have to

be " around the first birthday " based on that experience! However, I

don't think that a 7 month old should be asked to perform and behave in

a manner that they really aren't capable of doing. Someone's going to

be

sorely disappointed with the results... either the baby or the parents.

If crying is something that should be ignored, babies would have some

other mechanism for warning us that something is wrong with them.

Parenting happens 24 hours a day, not just those hours we are awake.

My post was one that didn't answer " how long " and asked " why " instead...

it wasn't done in a judgemental way, or in a way to ignore the issue

that Sue was seeking collective experiences, or even to point out that

there might be another way. It was written quickly, while my mother was

visiting me, and was sincere in wondering why. If Sue was doing one

method of sleep training, Ferber, it recommends gradually increasing the

time to return to the baby's room. The Ezzo's style is more like what

you are describing, and ignoring the child's pleas for his parent in

order to " recalibrate " the child's internal clock to the parents. If

Sue's need to sleep-train Marissa comes as a result of needing another

hour of sleep at night, I bet that we could find suggestions for other

ways to accomplish that that would keep all parties happy. Since Sue

said that her pediatrician told her to do it, I would have lots of

questions for *my* pediatrician wondering why he thought this must be

done. Regardless

of the reason, it was still a valid question.

- who has always been a night owl, despite my own parents' sleep

training methods!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 1:18:29 AM Central Daylight Time,

Mparker90@... writes:

<< If this was the case, why did you

offer all of your .02? >>

Cause in my reply I said what I had experenced with " sleep training " that is

what she asked about. I have tried it so I thought I would comment.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Sue,

I let cry herself to sleep...well, not as harsh as it sounds cause

i was constantly in the room with her while she was doing this to put the

pacifier back in her mouth...but anyway, last week (after having been

doing this for about 2 weeks) she finally got to the point where she

didn't cry! It was the most wonderful thing to NOT hear crying in the

house! I rocked katie every night and intended on rocking as well,

but she didn't seem to enjoy it. I tried the crying it out method with

and she did NOT like it and would have nothing to do with it but

seems to not mind it. And thats fine with me...i didn't realize

how much *more* stuff had to be done once you have 2 kids! Now, i don't

feel that this makes me a bad parent either...i didn't choose this method

of going to sleep, almost insisted on it. I know that sounds weird

but i am just doing what i feel *she* wants to have done...i tried to

rock her to sleep (which is my preferred method) but she would fuss and

stay awake for another hour! UGH It would be 11:30 PM before i got to

bed! Now she is in bed asleep by 9 PM and sleeps until 6AM and she is

JUST 7 weeks old! Hows *that* for fabulous??? :-)

---Debbie

___________________________________________________________________

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Free software, free e-mail, and free Internet access for a month!

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 9:11:32 PM !!!First Boot!!!, mdmoore4@...

writes:

<< I know that sounds weird

but i am just doing what i feel *she* wants to have done... >>

My daughter Kellee was like this also, she would never nurse to sleep, rock

to sleep, go to sleep in our bed......but lay her down and let her cry for 5

min and she was out like a light. Funny thing, until she was around 9 years

old, she would " high pitch talk " herself to sleep. Go figure. The important

thing is to do what you feel they need, not what you need. I personally

would have preferred to nurse her to sleep, but that wasn't what she wanted.

Joan

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 2:43:15 PM !!!First Boot!!!, sueinnbpt@...

writes:

<< I really

feel like you are telling me that I am a bad mother. >>

Why do you keep feeling like people are telling you that you are a bad mother?

Many times an original thread ends up breaking off into discussion of more

specific topics where they might not be directly aimed at you. Try not to

take it so personally, I don't believe any comments were intended to make you

feel like a bad mom. Joan

[Guest guest]

That's great Debbie and thanks for the encouragement and saying that I am

not a bad mom. Alot of these women though trying to be helpful have made

me feel like i am a terrible mom! I know its not true because I have a

healthy strong and very beautiful little girl and a great husband for a

father! Sue;)

On Sat, 24 Jul 1999 17:11:00 EDT Debbie L

writes:

>

>

>Sue, I let cry herself to sleep...well, not as harsh as it

>sounds cause i was constantly in the room with her while she was doing

>this to put the pacifier back in her mouth...but anyway, last week

>(after having been doing this for about 2 weeks) she finally got to

>the point where she didn't cry! It was the most wonderful thing to

>NOT hear crying in the house! I rocked katie every night and intended

>on rocking as well, but she didn't seem to enjoy it. I tried

>the crying it out method with and she did NOT like it and would

>have nothing to do with it but seems to not mind it. And thats

>fine with me...i didn't realize how much *more* stuff had to be done

>once you have 2 kids! Now, i don't feel that this makes me a bad

>parent either...i didn't choose this method of going to sleep,

>almost insisted on it. I know that sounds weird but i am just doing

>what i feel *she* wants to have done...i tried to rock her to sleep

>(which is my preferred method) but she would fuss and stay awake for

>another hour! UGH It would be 11:30 PM before i got to

>bed! Now she is in bed asleep by 9 PM and sleeps until 6AM and she

>is

>JUST 7 weeks old! Hows *that* for fabulous??? :-) ---Debbie

>___________________________________________________________________

>Get the Internet just the way you want it. Free software, free e-mail,

>and free Internet access for a month! Try Juno Web:

>http://dl.www.juno.com/dynoget/tagj. ---------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 7:43:13 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

sueinnbpt@... writes:

<<

You know I do go in and tell her I love her and rub her back after a

little while I agree everyone has a right to their opinon but I really

feel like you are telling me that I am a bad mother. AND I AM NOT! I AM

A GREAT MOTHER! We all just have different opinions and ways of doing

things! I love Marissa and thanks to the one hour of one night she is

now sleeping through the night! I also want to thank amy for sticking up

for me THANKS AMY! Sue mom to Marissa 12-07-98 >>

Gee Sue, I am sorry that you feel that you need people to " stick up for you "

over this situation. I know we do all have our own ways of doing things and

I think we all try to respect that. Obviously, Marissa has a loving, caring

Mom who would post a question on this only out of love and concern. I just

thought that we were all here to give DIFFERENT kinds of feedback to posts

like yours. If you didn't want to get these diverse points of view, perhaps

you should have indicated so in your original post.

Love,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 1:00:18 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Feb98@... writes:

<<

Cause in my reply I said what I had experenced with " sleep training " that is

what she asked about. I have tried it so I thought I would comment.

Amy >>

I guess I just thought that you were trying to explain your way of sleep

training while assuming that many of the other posts would be " mean " or

otherwise offensive. I, too, tried sleep training with my first child. I

tried other things with my second (family bed, allowing HIM to decide how,

when and where he should sleep, etc.) I guess that is the point many of us

are trying to make. Different things work for different kids/families. But,

as said, the child's needs should come first and crying is their way

of telling us there is something going on.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/24/99 8:23:18 PM Pacific Daylight Time, MJplus5@...

writes:

<< Many times an original thread ends up breaking off into discussion of more

specific topics where they might not be directly aimed at you. Try not to

take it so personally, I don't believe any comments were intended to make

you

feel like a bad mom. Joan >>

Well put Joan. I couldn't agree more!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/25/99 11:36:37 AM Central Daylight Time,

Mparker90@... writes:

<< I just

thought that we were all here to give DIFFERENT kinds of feedback to posts

like yours. If you didn't want to get these diverse points of view, perhaps

you should have indicated so in your original post. >>

Nothing like beating a dead hourse or anything but in her original message

she wasn't asking for ways she could get her child to sleep through the night

she was just wondering how long on avrage it took for them to start doing it

once you started to let them cry it out.

Amy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/25/99 11:43:45 AM Central Daylight Time,

Mparker90@... writes:

<< But,

as said, the child's needs should come first and crying is their way

of telling us there is something going on. >>

Of course a childs needs will always come first. But I do honestly think that

we bring ALOT of our childrens sleep problems on ourselves. In my opinion

children just wake up at night because that is what they have always done

SURE they may be hungry but only because that is the time they have always

eaten. Doesn't mean if they were to wait a while longer they would starve to

death or even be any worse for it. They will make up for it with increased

day time feedings. I think it is VERY important to be able to put yourself

BACK to sleep on your own. As an adult it is VERY hard for me to fall asleep

and when I wake up in the middle of the night it is even harder to get back

to sleep it has ALWAYS been like that. As a child I never learned how to put

myself back to sleep and it has carried over to be a MAJOR problem for me

now. I used to sleep in a crib right next to my moms bed so when I would wake

up she would pat my back until I feel back asleep. Then once I was out of my

crib and in my own room. I couldn't sleep without my moms help so I would go

sleep on the floor next to her bed. I think by not teaching our children how

to comfort themselves we are doing them a disservice. Grantedt they are tiny

only once and for such a short amount of time but it is ALOT eaier to teach a

1 year old how to put themselves to sleep them a 24 year old. Believe me

I have tried.

Amy