Re: Ugh, I'm hating myself again....

August 4, 2009

Wow, what an incredible post. I love it. I came from a different 12 step

program but when I also tried OA, it just didn't work for me. It just didn't

translate to food (which, technically, by the way, was not written to translate

to food. It was written for one purpose, and food is not it.) So anyway, in

OA, I had never thought about food more.

But your post moved me. I especially loved the quote from Tolle you put in that

tied in so perfectly with what you said. Thank you so much for taking the time

to post all of it!

Warrior (KT)

>

> I realize this process takes time. I was feeling so good last week. In 12

step program, this would be called - relapse. But today I know that there is

hope for me and that I'm not powerless.

>

> I/we humans were given the ability to instinctively know what my/our bodies

need and when they need it. If a bird can instinctively fly south and a bear

can instinctively hibernate, we humans must have a greater instinctual ability

that we can tap into. This is why Intuitive Eating works. It's not because

it's the best diet program on the market! It's because it taps into what is

real.

>

> So what got in the way of me tapping into my instincts these last few days? I

feel awful. I guess years of thinking a certain way will do this to someone.

>

> It is days like this when my dietician (who is teaching me to be an intuitive

eater) asks me questions that help remind me that there is another way of

thinking. Itsy bitsy tiny tidbits of progress happen and then I feel a little

better. I have a bad habit of being inpatient. I'm tired of waiting to be

thin. I'm tired of my knees hurting and not having any energy. I'm tired of my

sick dieting mind. I'm tired of others judging me. I'm tired of my clothes not

fitting right. No wonder the thought of a new diet brought a false hope so many

times when I was feeling this way.

>

> So now what to do????? I know there's no going back to the way I was. And

I'm sort of thankful for that. It helps just to write this. It helps knowing

that I have greater instincts than a bird that I can tap into. How do I tap

into this 'knowing?'

>

> A counselor once described this dilemma to me as the " human plane " versus the

" spiritual plane " and used the metaphor of the cross. The human plane is the

horizontal plane we all live on in our human egoic ways of thinking. The

spiritual plane is the vertical 'rise' of the cross - a total change in self.

>

> If I allow my ego to run my life, I remain on the human plane.

>

> Eckhart Tolle: When we go into a forest that has not been interfered with by

man, our THINKING MIND will see only disorder and chaos all around us. It wont

even be able to differentiate between life (good) and death (bad) anymore since

everywhere new life grows out of rotting and decaying matter. Only if we are

still enough inside and the noise of thinking subsides can we become aware that

there is a hidden harmony here, a sacredness, a higher order in which everything

has its perfect place and could not be other than what it is and the way it is.

The mind is more comfortable in a landscaped park because it has been PLANNED

THROUGH THOUGHT; it has not grown organically. There is an order here that the

mind can understand. In the forest, there is an incomprehensible order that to

the mind looks like chaos. It is beyond the mental categories of good and bad.

You cannot understand it through thought, but you can SENSE it when you let go

of thought, become still and alert, and dont try to understand or explain. Only

then can you be aware of the sacredness of the forest.

>

> I can apply this thought process to the process of Intuitive Eating. If I can

just quiet my mind and be still and know that the dieting and thin body

(landscaped park) which are " planned through thought " are not necessarily what

creates harmony, can I also see the beauty of the organic forest - what might

look like chaos?

>

> I just pray today that I can stay aware that the surface of things do not

always equal right and wrong. And that I am so much more than my surface.

Eventually, if I allow myself to be still and listen, my instincts will be all I

ever need.

>

> Deb

>

August 4, 2009

thanks, Warrior. I'm glad you understood what I was trying to get at. It's

hard because it's a different way of " being " - you cant even say it's a

different way of " thinking " because somehow thoughts are not necessary where

intuition is concerned.

But my problem remains the deep seated thoughts that override these new things

I'm learning.

So, patience and remembering it will take time and small amounts of progress -

sometimes REALLY small.

Deb

> >

> > I realize this process takes time. I was feeling so good last week. In 12

step program, this would be called - relapse. But today I know that there is

hope for me and that I'm not powerless.

> >

> > I/we humans were given the ability to instinctively know what my/our bodies

need and when they need it. If a bird can instinctively fly south and a bear

can instinctively hibernate, we humans must have a greater instinctual ability

that we can tap into. This is why Intuitive Eating works. It's not because

it's the best diet program on the market! It's because it taps into what is

real.

> >

> > So what got in the way of me tapping into my instincts these last few days?

I feel awful. I guess years of thinking a certain way will do this to someone.

> >

> > It is days like this when my dietician (who is teaching me to be an

intuitive eater) asks me questions that help remind me that there is another way

of thinking. Itsy bitsy tiny tidbits of progress happen and then I feel a

little better. I have a bad habit of being inpatient. I'm tired of waiting to

be thin. I'm tired of my knees hurting and not having any energy. I'm tired of

my sick dieting mind. I'm tired of others judging me. I'm tired of my clothes

not fitting right. No wonder the thought of a new diet brought a false hope so

many times when I was feeling this way.

> >

> > So now what to do????? I know there's no going back to the way I was. And

I'm sort of thankful for that. It helps just to write this. It helps knowing

that I have greater instincts than a bird that I can tap into. How do I tap

into this 'knowing?'

> >

> > A counselor once described this dilemma to me as the " human plane " versus

the " spiritual plane " and used the metaphor of the cross. The human plane is

the horizontal plane we all live on in our human egoic ways of thinking. The

spiritual plane is the vertical 'rise' of the cross - a total change in self.

> >

> > If I allow my ego to run my life, I remain on the human plane.

> >

> > Eckhart Tolle: When we go into a forest that has not been interfered with by