Afraid of being hungry. Also, having a great day so far!!

March 16, 2009

Something I realized is that I am truly afraid of having to wait until I'm

hungry in order to eat. I notice that I don't get very hungry often, or at

least I'm not very good at noticing when I am until I'm ravenous and then I

usually overeat. But I am afraid of buying things I like from the grocery store

because then I feel like I will want to eat it all and I don't want to wait

until I'm hungry! So I typically put myself on a schedule and say " breakfast at

this time, lunch isn't until this time " and I get so nervous watching the clock

and am never truly satisfied because I never actually get hungry and never

really feel full. I refrain from buying what I want or like because I am so

scared that when I finally do feel hungry I will want to eat it all because I

can't decide. At the same time, I notice that when I actually wait until I'm

hungry to eat it is a lot easier to decide what I want. It's when I'm not

hungry and I eat I tend to " want it all " which is probably what causes my fears

of not being able to control myself. Almost like " well if I eat this much when

I'm NOT hungry, imagine how much I'd eat if I were! "

On a brighter note, this morning I ate my breakfast WHEN I was hungry, which was

fairly easy to wait for because I had to feed my daughter and clean the kitchen

first so I had some time to figure out what I wanted to eat when the time came.

I ate exactly what I wanted and it was so yummy. I snacked on some fruit

throughout the day (finally got around to cutting that watermelon!!) and when my

fiance came home from work he made himself something to eat which gave me the

notion that I SHOULD eat as well. Nothing appealed to me and I realized it was

because I really wasn't hungry yet. We went to Target, and I got a chai latte

from Starbucks (previously forbidden). I only got a tall and didn't even finish

it because I had had enough (which made me glad I didn't waste the money on a

grande like I almost did!) When I got home I felt my tummy growling and almost

made myself eat an easy mac as it would be less calories than the sandwich I

really wanted, but I talked myself into letting myself eat the sandwich because

I knew it would be a bit more filling than the little bowl of macaroni and

cheese and I have a long night of work ahead of me tonight. So I ate the

sandwich and had about 3 bites left when I started to feel a bit full and though

I felt like I should leave some behind (there I go, putting " rules " on IE), I

knew those last 3 bites would be the perfect amount to leave me feeling like I

ate a great lunch without me fishing for more food in 5 minutes.

I'm nervous because I go in to work in an hour and I'm there until 11 or later,

so I don't know when I'm going to get my break. Also, we're doing inventory so

I don't know if there are going to be a million inventory people in the way and

if the microwave is going to be available so I really don't know what I should

bring. I will figure it out though, I suppose!

March 16, 2009

I could have written these exact words a few months ago.

In the beginning it is a struggle to let yourself

eat what you want because we have all not trusted

our bodies or ourselves for long periods of time

so the idea that we should trust and listen now

is not received that well and it takes time to

get used to the idea of trusting yourself and your body

and giving up punishing and depriving yourself of what you

want because keeping foods forbiden or having a list of

rules for when and where etc you can eat just makes you want

to rebell or binge - it is hard to break that cycyle.

restrict - binge - " be good " - binge, etc

Hope I made some sense...not totally sure I did

to anyone else.

in AZ

>

> Something I realized is that I am truly afraid of having to wait until I'm