Re: Feeling Inside and Outside Beauty with IE

[Guest guest]

You GO girl!! That makes me want to go out and buy some pretty skirts for

spring!

>

> Hello all!

>

> I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant

in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000

pound woman that every one is staring at.

>

> I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new

spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on

my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I

had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all

I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in.

>

> For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like

everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she

thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks!

Look how big! " ...

>

> But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if

they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical

appearance.

>

> I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E.

more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused

on weight loss.

>

> Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk

this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful,

inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going

through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say

" Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down

a bit " .

>

> I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago

when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while

legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt

AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually

didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some

important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my

weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of

my new found confidence.

>

> Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent

years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want

me to be.

>

> But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am

NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep

into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as

I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is!

>

> Okay, vent over. : )

>

> - K

>

[Guest guest]

I am afraid to feel beautiful as well. It's like, deep down I know I'm not as

big as what I see in the mirror, I KNOW that not every person I pass in the mall

is looking at me and thinking " wow, I'm so glad I'm not that fat " like I think

they are. I know I can wear cute clothes and look cute, but I'm afraid to let

myself. I finally gave in and with the reassurance of my fiance bought a really

cute skirt and a beautiful silk dress. They are both really spring/summery and

I love them. Is it weird that I felt pretty for buying a dress? Every girl

buys dresses, but I have strayed from them for years as I could never fathom

wearing something that showed a bit of leg. I just finally want to take care of

myself and treat myself well. I don't know why I have always said " when you

lose 10 pounds, THEN you can buy something pretty. " Besides, I remember reading

in the IE book that if you learn to love yourself how you are right now, IE is a

lot easier because you aren't putting all of the focus on weight loss.

>

> Hello all!

>

> I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant

in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000

pound woman that every one is staring at.

>

> I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new

spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on

my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I

had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all

I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in.

>

> For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like

everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she

thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks!

Look how big! " ...

>

> But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if

they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical

appearance.

>

> I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E.

more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused

on weight loss.

>

> Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk

this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful,

inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going

through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say

" Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down

a bit " .

>

> I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago

when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while

legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt

AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually

didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some

important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my

weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of

my new found confidence.

>

> Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent

years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want

me to be.

>

> But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am

NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep

into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as

I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is!

>

> Okay, vent over. : )

>

> - K

>

[Guest guest]

Awesome!

> But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am

NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep

into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as

I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is!

> Okay, vent over. : )

> - K

[Guest guest]

The way I manage to like what I see in the mirror is by 1) wearing colors that

flatter me & 2) styles that suit me. My body type is short and 'stout' and I

really really have to watch what makes me look more in normal proportions - I

have a longer torso and shorter legs. Also if my hair is freshly washed and done

up, clothes pressed etc. I feel 100% better than if I just pull on some jeans

and grab a tee shirt. I need to wear some makeup but I am over sensitive to some

so let that slide more often than I should.

Just pretend you are going on a date instead of being mommie ;-)

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Wow, I wish I was there. I pretty much just beat myself up all the time.

> 50 lbs overweight is a lot, I don't know how to get past that to liking what

> I see. I just DON'T.

>

> any tips? LOL

>

> MIkki

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! I think my " break out " momment came when I was like I am soooo tired of

WAITING till I am the " right size " .

What is the right size? And why does it matter? I see beautiful woman of ALL

sizes every day! Why can I look at woman who is larger than me and looks

beautiful and confident but I can't let myself feel/act that why? Totally OVER

it!

I bought like 5 dresses this weekend and its awesome. Dresses are amazing,

especially if you are curvy... I feel good at them. No more shame game! : )

- K

> >

> > Hello all!

> >

> > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant

in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000

pound woman that every one is staring at.

> >

> > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new

spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on

my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I

had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all

I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in.

> >

> > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like

everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she

thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks!

Look how big! " ...

> >

> > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if

they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical

appearance.

> >

> > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E.

more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused

on weight loss.

> >

> > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk

this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful,

inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going

through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say

" Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down

a bit " .

> >

> > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago

when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while

legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt

AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually

didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some

important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my

weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of

my new found confidence.

> >

> > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have

spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people

want me to be.

> >

> > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I

am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy

seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As

long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is!

> >

> > Okay, vent over. : )

> >

> > - K

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mikki:

I know this sounds kind of weird but I started looking at pictures online of

average - " plus " size women. Like fashion blogs where people post pictures of

themselves and their outfits. Sometimes I procrastinate a lot. : )

Anyway every once in a while I will see on these blogs or in person a " plus "

size woman who you can tell loves her body and oozes confidence.

This is just a little part of how I got to my current vent/frustration but I

think it definitely helped to see that non - rail thin women can wear all types

of clothes and still look beautiful.

- K

[Guest guest]

Yes, I definitely agree with Katcha...

I think knowing your body type (in a nice way) and finding clothes that fit/you

feel good in helps ALOT.

This is hard for me because I have a larger bust, hips and a small waist. But I

am a size 12 body with a size 14/16 bust. SO to find clothes that actually fit

me I have to go to a plus size store and have it fitted to my body. But I am too

lazy for that. Haha, after years of experimenting I have been able to find

stores/types of clothes that I like and I can get off the wrack.

Its definitely a matter of stop letting yourself be mean to yourself and finding

clothes you like...

- K

[Guest guest]

Ok, ladies. Where are we buying dresses and skirts? I've been looking on the

internet and haven't found anything I like. Since I have to shop in plus sizes,

my options are definately limited.

> > >

> > > Hello all!

> > >

> > > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink

elephant in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the

2,000 pound woman that every one is staring at.

> > >

> > > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new

spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on

my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I

had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all

I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in.

> > >

> > > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like

everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she

thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks!

Look how big! " ...

> > >

> > > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if

they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical

appearance.

> > >

> > > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E.

more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused

on weight loss.

> > >

> > > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk

this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful,

inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going

through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say

" Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down

a bit " .

> > >

> > > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago

when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while

legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt

AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually

didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some

important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my

weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of

my new found confidence.

> > >

> > > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have

spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people

want me to be.

> > >

> > > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I

am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy

seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As

long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is!

> > >

> > > Okay, vent over. : )

> > >

> > > - K

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Ok, me again.

Check out some of the size acceptance blogs. Fatshionista has a flikr community

where normal plus sized women post pictures of their outfits. There are plenty

of women who look just like you and me that dress to kill and look fabulous.

Joy Nash also has a great blog. Go to youtube and look for her Fat Rant videos.

She is GORGEOUS and funny as heck. Dawn French has a great series there, too.

I procrastinate a lot too.

>

> Mikki:

>

> I know this sounds kind of weird but I started looking at pictures online of

average - " plus " size women. Like fashion blogs where people post pictures of

themselves and their outfits. Sometimes I procrastinate a lot. : )

>

> Anyway every once in a while I will see on these blogs or in person a " plus "

size woman who you can tell loves her body and oozes confidence.

>

> This is just a little part of how I got to my current vent/frustration but I

think it definitely helped to see that non - rail thin women can wear all types

of clothes and still look beautiful.

>

> - K

>

[Guest guest]

Well I am in the Northeast and I went to Charlotte Russe (Which I was REALLY

surprised I found anything there at all, they usually have tween sizes), Ross

(discount store like Marshalls), and Macy's.

I was really surprised to see that Macy's had some really affordable stuff. I

love Ross they have great stuff for most sizes and its super affordable.

I was SHOCKED to find so much that fit me. I usually can never find anything.

I was at a major mall this weekend and I saw some really great stuff at plus

size stores. One was called (something) and then another Torrid. I know

they have stuff online too.

ALSO thank you all for your kind posts and support! : )

- K

[Guest guest]

Hey Liz, Don't I know you from Smartb.....? Same Liz? It's me, Corliss. Let

me know if you are one in the same.

Corliss

> >

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> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>