Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 You GO girl!! That makes me want to go out and buy some pretty skirts for spring! > > Hello all! > > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000 pound woman that every one is staring at. > > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in. > > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks! Look how big! " ... > > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical appearance. > > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E. more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused on weight loss. > > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful, inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say " Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down a bit " . > > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of my new found confidence. > > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want me to be. > > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is! > > Okay, vent over. : ) > > - K > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 I am afraid to feel beautiful as well. It's like, deep down I know I'm not as big as what I see in the mirror, I KNOW that not every person I pass in the mall is looking at me and thinking " wow, I'm so glad I'm not that fat " like I think they are. I know I can wear cute clothes and look cute, but I'm afraid to let myself. I finally gave in and with the reassurance of my fiance bought a really cute skirt and a beautiful silk dress. They are both really spring/summery and I love them. Is it weird that I felt pretty for buying a dress? Every girl buys dresses, but I have strayed from them for years as I could never fathom wearing something that showed a bit of leg. I just finally want to take care of myself and treat myself well. I don't know why I have always said " when you lose 10 pounds, THEN you can buy something pretty. " Besides, I remember reading in the IE book that if you learn to love yourself how you are right now, IE is a lot easier because you aren't putting all of the focus on weight loss. > > Hello all! > > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000 pound woman that every one is staring at. > > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in. > > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks! Look how big! " ... > > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical appearance. > > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E. more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused on weight loss. > > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful, inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say " Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down a bit " . > > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of my new found confidence. > > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want me to be. > > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is! > > Okay, vent over. : ) > > - K > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Awesome! > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is! > Okay, vent over. : ) > - K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 The way I manage to like what I see in the mirror is by 1) wearing colors that flatter me & 2) styles that suit me. My body type is short and 'stout' and I really really have to watch what makes me look more in normal proportions - I have a longer torso and shorter legs. Also if my hair is freshly washed and done up, clothes pressed etc. I feel 100% better than if I just pull on some jeans and grab a tee shirt. I need to wear some makeup but I am over sensitive to some so let that slide more often than I should. Just pretend you are going on a date instead of being mommie ;-) ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > Wow, I wish I was there. I pretty much just beat myself up all the time. > 50 lbs overweight is a lot, I don't know how to get past that to liking what > I see. I just DON'T. > > any tips? LOL > > MIkki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes! I think my " break out " momment came when I was like I am soooo tired of WAITING till I am the " right size " . What is the right size? And why does it matter? I see beautiful woman of ALL sizes every day! Why can I look at woman who is larger than me and looks beautiful and confident but I can't let myself feel/act that why? Totally OVER it! I bought like 5 dresses this weekend and its awesome. Dresses are amazing, especially if you are curvy... I feel good at them. No more shame game! : ) - K > > > > Hello all! > > > > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000 pound woman that every one is staring at. > > > > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in. > > > > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks! Look how big! " ... > > > > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical appearance. > > > > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E. more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused on weight loss. > > > > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful, inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say " Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down a bit " . > > > > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of my new found confidence. > > > > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want me to be. > > > > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is! > > > > Okay, vent over. : ) > > > > - K > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Mikki: I know this sounds kind of weird but I started looking at pictures online of average - " plus " size women. Like fashion blogs where people post pictures of themselves and their outfits. Sometimes I procrastinate a lot. : ) Anyway every once in a while I will see on these blogs or in person a " plus " size woman who you can tell loves her body and oozes confidence. This is just a little part of how I got to my current vent/frustration but I think it definitely helped to see that non - rail thin women can wear all types of clothes and still look beautiful. - K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes, I definitely agree with Katcha... I think knowing your body type (in a nice way) and finding clothes that fit/you feel good in helps ALOT. This is hard for me because I have a larger bust, hips and a small waist. But I am a size 12 body with a size 14/16 bust. SO to find clothes that actually fit me I have to go to a plus size store and have it fitted to my body. But I am too lazy for that. Haha, after years of experimenting I have been able to find stores/types of clothes that I like and I can get off the wrack. Its definitely a matter of stop letting yourself be mean to yourself and finding clothes you like... - K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Ok, ladies. Where are we buying dresses and skirts? I've been looking on the internet and haven't found anything I like. Since I have to shop in plus sizes, my options are definately limited. > > > > > > Hello all! > > > > > > I am SO fed up with constantly feeling like I am the giant hot pink elephant in the room. I wake up and go through every day feeling as if I am the 2,000 pound woman that every one is staring at. > > > > > > I started thinking about this this past week. I went shopping for some new spring clothes. I got some really cute shirts and dresses that looked awesome on my body. I remembered how long it had been since I felt that way. I realized I had been wearing sweatshirts and grungy clothes because I felt like that is all I deserved, that there was nothing I would look or feel good in. > > > > > > For so long I have felt horrible about my physical appearance. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking " How could she wear that? What is she thinking wearing that while being so big? Holy crap, look how awful she looks! Look how big! " ... > > > > > > But the thing is people are not staring or thinking of me this way. And if they are they can bugger off! My mental brain is so distorted from my physical appearance. > > > > > > I think that has been my latest " hurtle " in I.E. I can't seem to make I.E. more habitual when I still think of myself this way. It makes I.E. too focused on weight loss. > > > > > > Lately I have been thinking what would it feel like to not let myself talk this way... And fear comes up. I am afraid that if I let myself feel beautiful, inside and out, that someone will come along and knock me down. I will be going through life feeling great about how I look and someone will come along and say " Hey, Missy you aren't that great looking. You better tone your confidence down a bit " . > > > > > > I have this fear because this has happened to me before. Several years ago when I was (unintentionally) practicing I.E. I gained a lot of weight while legalizing taboo foods and also recovering from disordered eating. I felt AMAZING, inside and out. I was gaining weight but I had no idea. I actually didn't even give it a thought, I just felt so good. But then I had some important people in my life take me aside and say they were concerned about my weight gain. They meant well but it hurt so much. I felt betrayed and robbed of my new found confidence. > > > > > > Since then my " recovery " has been side - tracked. Since that time I have spent years on diets trying to lose weight, trying to be the weight these people want me to be. > > > > > > But I just can't do this anymore. I look good! I am hot! We are all hot! I am NOT going to let other people, whoever they are, let their negative energy seep into me. I can't give other people power to dictate how I live mine. As long as I am happy and healthy with my life who cares what my weight is! > > > > > > Okay, vent over. : ) > > > > > > - K > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Ok, me again. Check out some of the size acceptance blogs. Fatshionista has a flikr community where normal plus sized women post pictures of their outfits. There are plenty of women who look just like you and me that dress to kill and look fabulous. Joy Nash also has a great blog. Go to youtube and look for her Fat Rant videos. She is GORGEOUS and funny as heck. Dawn French has a great series there, too. I procrastinate a lot too. > > Mikki: > > I know this sounds kind of weird but I started looking at pictures online of average - " plus " size women. Like fashion blogs where people post pictures of themselves and their outfits. Sometimes I procrastinate a lot. : ) > > Anyway every once in a while I will see on these blogs or in person a " plus " size woman who you can tell loves her body and oozes confidence. > > This is just a little part of how I got to my current vent/frustration but I think it definitely helped to see that non - rail thin women can wear all types of clothes and still look beautiful. > > - K > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Well I am in the Northeast and I went to Charlotte Russe (Which I was REALLY surprised I found anything there at all, they usually have tween sizes), Ross (discount store like Marshalls), and Macy's. I was really surprised to see that Macy's had some really affordable stuff. I love Ross they have great stuff for most sizes and its super affordable. I was SHOCKED to find so much that fit me. I usually can never find anything. I was at a major mall this weekend and I saw some really great stuff at plus size stores. One was called (something) and then another Torrid. I know they have stuff online too. ALSO thank you all for your kind posts and support! : ) - K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Hey Liz, Don't I know you from Smartb.....? Same Liz? It's me, Corliss. Let me know if you are one in the same. Corliss > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.