Re: Messages about Weight Gain and Loss...

[Guest guest]

I totally agree and have been doing this myself, also!

When you are the one who has lost the weight, it is part of the "high" when others notice.

But when the compliments stop coming, or, usually in my case, the weight piles back on, it is totally devastating.

I am going to read that online pamphlet now... thanks for posting the link!

Kimberlie

IEing since 11/08

Subject: Messages about Weight Gain and Loss...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, April 19, 2009, 8:53 AM

Jo's post about a subconscious need to hold on to weight brought some stuff back up for me. During one of my visits home some years back, the first comment out of my father's mouth after not seeing me for like 1-2 years was that "it looked like I had put on some weight." What!?#@$%@ was the first thing that went through my mind. He couldn't just say "hello" or "how are you doing?" I'm this man's child, he's been incapable of supporting me through his physical presence, emotionally, or financially my whole life and yet somewhere in him, in part due to this culture/society, allowed the first comment toward me to be about my weight. I was speechless and just turned around and walked away from him!:)A month or so ago, I posted about a online pamphlet I found about body image and loving ourselves at all size. It's a quick read and has some great resources: http://www.feminist campus.org/ fmla/printable- materials/ bodyimagebrochur e.pdf One point that is highlighted in this brochure is encouraging people to resist the urge to make comments when someone gains or loses weight. I've committed to this point because, for me, comments about weight gain or loss do seem to reinforce the craziness around eating and dieting. I was tested soon after making this commitment. A friend of mine has been managing her portions and exercising everyday since November. I hadn't seen her in a while and we met up to hang out. She is noticeably smaller. The thought and old urge in me to make a comment to her about her weight loss surfaced. So, I noticed the thought, let the urge go, and my mouth did not open. During that internal dialogue, as I was looking at her, I realized that the loss of weight

didn't actually make her look beter (i.e., more vibrant) to me. So, I would have made what's considered a "complimentary" comment and yet as I looked deeper, I experienced something new. This was an important point because I now do truly think that we lose something by offering comments like "you look like you lost weight", which seems to be a conditioned/ automatic way to offer a compliment. In my experience, weight loss or gain is symbolic and an symptom/outcome of a set of actions or it could be a physiological issue or both. I plan to put effort into making sure that my compliments or expressions of care toward others reflect different areas besides the superficial level of highlighting that a person is larger or smaller. To my father or anyone else, my weight gain was a message. At that time, I was really struggling and in a bad place, which was reflected in my body.LatoyaPracticing IE since Jan

'08

[Guest guest]

Kimberlie wrote:

> When you are the one who has lost the weight, it is part of the " high "

> when others notice. But when the compliments stop coming, or, usually in

> my case, the weight piles back on, it is totally devastating.

I hate these " you lost weight comments " . They seem to imply that I'm

worth more and " a better person " now that I'm not as fat as I used to

be. I'm always embarrassed when someone says something about my weight.

It clearly didn't help looking at myself in the mirror some hours ago

while wearing shirt and shorts. Partly ruined my day. I was definitely

not as fat last summer and that is causing a very depressing feeling. (I

don't want to say " thinner " as I was still far from " thin " .)

I also don't want to weight myself. It's like I don't want to see " the

final truth " about weight gain.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

But what about your hair - lol!!   Do you hate it when someone compliments your hair, clothes and perhaps even your shoes?   Its all image and what this culture has been "trained" by, which is mostly media advertising their "wares" - since the time of clothes being easier and easier to be made in mass production.   If you are selling certain "styles" of clothes then of course you are going to need a particular image for the clothes to be advertised "on".   So, you pick that type of body.  Nowadays, we have clothes designed for larger figures - but - if you'll notice even the larger models are symmetrical.  Its my belief that our culture is "so" engulfed by a long time advertising campaign that has infiltrated societies at birth, that we no longer see it.   If we didn't care

about what our clothes looked like then most likely we wouldn't be so concerned about how the clothes look on our bodies and therefore, wouldn't care so much about the "shape" of our bodies.  We'd care more about the health instead. Lyn 

> When you are the one who has lost the weight, it is part of the "high"

> when others notice. But when the compliments stop coming, or, usually in

> my case, the weight piles back on, it is totally devastating.

I hate these "you lost weight comments". They seem to imply that I'm

worth more and "a better person" now that I'm not as fat as I used to

be. I'm always embarrassed when someone says something about my weight.

It clearly didn't help looking at myself in the mirror some hours ago

while wearing shirt and shorts. Partly ruined my day. I was definitely

not as fat last summer and that is causing a very depressing feeling. (I

don't want to say "thinner" as I was still far from "thin".)

I also don't want to weight myself. It's like I don't want to see "the

final truth" about weight gain.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

> I also don't want to weight myself. It's like I don't want to see " the

> final truth " about weight gain.

>

> Regards

> s.

>

i know we were talking about scales and weighing just recently. it dropped off

my radar because i was out of town for a few days, but now i'm back and usually

i would have made a special effort to weigh myself right away after not eating

for a certain number of hours, etc.

but I really don't want to and I haven't so far. I know it's not going to make

me happy.

but also I think I should reconcile myself with The Number as just a number.

because it is The Truth, after all.

thea

[Guest guest]

Great baby step Thea!

> > I also don't want to weight myself. It's like I don't want to see " the

> > final truth " about weight gain.

> >

> > Regards

> > s.

> >

>

> i know we were talking about scales and weighing just recently. it dropped

off my radar because i was out of town for a few days, but now i'm back and

usually i would have made a special effort to weigh myself right away after not

eating for a certain number of hours, etc.

>

> but I really don't want to and I haven't so far. I know it's not going to

make me happy.

>

> but also I think I should reconcile myself with The Number as just a number.

because it is The Truth, after all.

>

> thea

>