seriously bad day

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry if this is not the place to vent, but I am feeling very sad and isolated right now and don't know where to turn, or if I want to turn *anywhere* except inside myself to cry

 

I've been feeling out of sorts all week, like my hormones are out of whack or something ... heartburn all week, feeling overwhelmed by work and school ... when I get like this my thoughts get scattered and I tend to start forgetting to finish tasks ... earlier this week my husband hollered at me because I'd forgotten to put the bathroom trash can back in the corner after I cleaned water up off the floor and he stubbed his toe on it in the dark ... then the next day he had a whole list of things that I hadn't done, or hadn't done right ... then just as I was starting to feel better about things, he got really mad at me this morning for leaving for work without putting away a couple of things in the kitchen (grease can into the freezer, didn't wash the onion peels down the drain, didn't wipe down the stovetop good enough for him etc) and when I apologized for being out of sorts and forgetting things, he just said " that's the wrong excuse.  You just chose not to take pride in your kitchen " . 

 

 

I'm not sure why, but I am just flattened by the anger and (what I feel is) hostility coming from him.  I've been working full time and raising 4 kids while going to school for the past 3 years, trying to balance keeping a 3700 sq ft house clean and neat and doing 14 loads of laundry a week and get my studies done and (gasp!  dare I say it??) relax every so often.  I guess I've failed though.  Recently, every day is a new criticism about what *I* haven't gotten done (although I've never seen HIM in the shower with a spray bottle, and he never manages to put his own laundry away, etc etc etc).  I don't know if *I* am really disintegrating and not doing anything right, or if *he* is just being a nasty SOB this week, it's been a long time since he picked at me like this.

 

At any rate, I feel like quitting school so I can focus on being a good little housewife (martyr alert!), but on the way home I want to stop for a giant slice of gooey pizza.  Or 4.  Put myself in a carb/fat coma so I don't go driving off a bridge because it just doesn't seem worth it to try so hard and never be good enough. 

 

I just don't know which way is up right now, or how to get my center back

 

Mikki