An EDS Christmas

[Guest guest]

Sometimes the Devil God of Verse gets his teeth into me and won't

let go. Tonight was one of those nights. So here is my Christmas

Greeting to you all.

AN EDS CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas, and I'd just taken my pills,

To ward the discomfort of my aches, pains and ills.

My knees were all braced and my shoulders were strapped;

I was ready for bed, like a mummy, all wrapped.

The children at last had all gone to bed,

The quiet providing relief for my head,

My migraine subsiding, just a lingering throb,

The Imitrex doing its typical job.

I picked up my cane, shuffled off down the hall,

Treading slowly with care, to avoid any fall.

But, as I sat on the bed and started to turn,

My right sciatic started to burn.

As I twisted around to lessen the pain,

T-5 through 7 subluxed again.

And only because they are ornery as hell,

Two of my ribs went out as well.

And just when I thought it was all I could take,

Both of my shoulders started to ache.

One of them froze and the other popped out.

I stifled a curse and tried not to shout.

My wife was sleeping, content in her dreams -

No need to wake her with my painful screams.

But, wake her I did, you betcha by golly,

When I started to tingle like being rolled in the holly.

Sharp, stabbing pains ran down clear to my hand.

It was driving me nuts; it was all I could stand.

So, wake her I did, made her get up and get dressed.

Me - I'm in pain - now she is depressed.

She'd been cooking all day, slaving with zeal,

Just to prepare our holiday meal.

But, one quick look at me, and it was clear as a bell.

Our day off just got shot all to hell.

So, bundle me up, load me into the car.

Oh, man, that speed bump sure does jar.

It cringes my teeth and crosses my eyes

And knocks out my breath with agonized sighs.

But, finally at last, we arrive at the door

Of that place where last time I said " No More! "

Yeah, you guessed it - Emergency Care,

Where they say on the plaque " We Treat You Fair. "

" We are courteous, kind and full of respect

and your concerns, we'll never neglect!

We know everything, we've seen it all.

You come in prone - you walk out tall. "

Pardon me while I pause to barf.

It's either that or take my scarf

And choke that intern over there.

Yes, the one with the vacant stare.

The one who when our last time here

Just couldn't listen, see or hear

A single thing we tried to say.

Just a little closer - make my day.

Oh, who's this I see, walking by?

A new M.D. who just might try

To understand our sorry plight?

And do some good, this very night?

No such luck, but it would sure be grand

If we could get them to understand.

If only they could see and feel

That's it's not in our heads - our pain is real.

But God Bless You All, wherever you are.

It's friends like you, near and far,

Who comfort,love, share and care

And help us all, our cross to bear.

May you all be blessed with a pain free holiday.