Good afternoon from a newbie.

[Guest guest]

I'd like to introduce myself and share my story. First the basics...

I am Tiff, married 18 years and have 4 children ages 15,10,6 and 4. I

have been homeschooling my kids for 6 years now. I live in Houston

Texas with my great DH and wonderful (most of the time lol) Kids.

Ok so the reason I am here...

I did not suffer a weight issue until after I had my first child.

After that I literally ballooned up. I did yoyo dieting (we all know

that one huh!) and yoyo weight gain and loss. I got a handle on my

eating with weight watchers but every time I got to goal, I got

pregnant! We took care of that possibility now

Weight watchers is a wonderful program and it worked for me BUT...

but... I become OCD over it and it ends up driving me crazy and

turning me into a mean person. I obsess over the points and no amt of

weight loss makes that OK. I did belong to a normal eating group but

they have changed servers and I don't want to pay to post.

Ok so fastforward to today. I had lost and maintained my weight since

my last child was born.. so, 4 years. Last summer I repaired several

areas of the house and we refinanced. In the refi, we got better

terms and enough cash for me to repair my body that was damaged by

having children and significant weight loss. I had lost roughly

80lbs.

In November I had a breast lift (no implants), I had a blood loss

issue and once they finished they had to stop. I was supposed to have

a tummy tuck at the same time but I had lost too much blood. A month

later, not even fully recovered, I was in surgery again for an

extended tummy tuck and muscle repair. I also had a mons pubus lift

and lipo which was thrown in for free.

I am still recovering. I lost 6 dress sizes, 22lbs and 1 bra size

from this sugery which is not typical. Usually 3-5lbs of skin and fat

is removed from the abdomen.. He cut of 20lbs, I had so much excess

skin.

I now notice I am throwing caution to the wind regarding my food

consumption and I am started to get that OH SO familiar nag in the

back of my mind that tells me... " don't eat that, you will get fat... "

then eat it anyway out of rebellion. I eat a meal and already

counting out 3-4 hours for the next meal and before I am even DONE, I

am stressing myself out about what I will eat later. I do much

better if I eat small amts all day long but, It also keeps me from

getting hungry which in turn means my signals are not being

registered by my brain. I am SO used to portion control, I can not

tell if I am satiated either. All I know and think is when I will eat

again.

So that is my story. If I don't get a handle on this I will gain

weight and that is stressing me out horribly. My family is starting

to ask what is wrong with me and why I am being mean. I know it's the

stress over this. I don't want to diet, I hate diets and I don't want

to do WW either as I get so caught up in the rituals of it all. I

just want to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am not but I long

LONG ago forgot how to tell what that is! I want to eat normal foods

and not agonize over labels, fat, calories..

Sorry this is sooooo long, I tend to be long winded. Thank you for

having me.

Tiff