some ups and downs + looking for a one-on-one buddy

April 3, 2009

Dear friends,

First of all I want to thank all the people who replied to my previous post,

" what if the holes can't be filled " ?

Everyones writing was thought provoking and encouraging.

I just had a great week and then a major downfall yesterday and today.

I'm feeling pretty lousy about it.

But I guess it's the typical 2 steps forward, one step back.

A break through I had was that I realized that I really don't want to be skinny.

I've been trying to abuse myself to impress everybody else but my something deep

inside of me doesn't appreciate that so I end up binging. I'm now working

towards a healthy sporty figure that should fit my body type and personality and

let me eat in a more healthful manner.(but it's not always so easy because the

part of me that strives to be skin and bones won't always stay quiet).

I always binge alone and nobody I know knows about it.

But I think I am having trouble fighting this alone.

Reading messages and posting on the listserve has been really helpful but I am

looking for a buddy to have closer contact with.

I envision a relationship with daily emails voicing struggles, progress, ideas,

encouragement, and venting to prevent a binge or post binge. They don't have to

be extensive emails, in fact brief messages could be ideal, but I'd just like to

have someone I know I am accountable to as a supporter and for support.

Is anybody interested in such a thing?

A little bit about myself: I am a 23 year old medical student (stressful). My

path to binging was basically: casual dieting --> obsessive about health -->

unhealthy lack of eating --> binging.

I binge most when I am stressed or overwhelmed or when I get very hungry.

I think a lot of it is stirred on by my loneliness and lack of meaning in life.

Yet, I know that I am constantly pushing people away as soon as I feel like

they're getting to close.

I'm working on the meaning factor but it's tough after growing up in religious

family and then rejecting that lifestyle.

I don't necessarily need a buddy who's the same age/shares the same

lifestyle...just wanted to tell you who you'd be talking to...

If anyone is interested please email me syl@....

Have a wonderful weekend!

Sylv

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