Guest guest Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 For a few weeks (months too) I've been struggling with letting go of thinking about dieting and trying to eat when I'm hungry. It hasn't really been working because I've just been eating. The more I flounder back and forth with returning to the point-counting system, the more I eat. Then someone at work decided we should have a party and there was a tremendous amount of food brought into work. Let's just say I ate way more than I wanted to eat. I wasn't hungry. I was just eating because 1) The food was there. 2) I was socializing. 3) It was a distraction. 4) I was obsessed with the pan of brownies and pizza that kept calling my name for two days. So, I've spent the past three days feeling like a stuffed sausage. I didn't like how I felt, but I kept eating anyway. Then last night, I was out in the garden with my dogs and I sat down to watch them run around and play. Suddenly the tears started to flow and I began to feel emotions that have been bottled up for a long time. I flashed back to when I was a kid and how when I was upset, we'd go for ice cream or candy to make it better. I realized this is what I've done my whole life and none of it filled the empty hole inside me or made me feel better. I started to think about how I would eat around the kitchen when I felt lonely or sad - cookies, crackers, ice cream, chocolate, cake, anything I could get, but none of it ever made me feel better. In fact, it just numbed the emotions momentarily or calmed me down briefly, only to for me to feel horrible afterwards. No matter what I ate, I always felt empty and was always looking for something else to eat to make it go away. I didn't understand why. Now I'm starting to get it. It is all starting to make sense to me. I also am beginning to understand the " diet " thing. I have always thought that when I lose weight, life will be so much different, but when I did lose weight, it wasn't any different. I was still the same person and I had the same problems, I was just smaller. The key to this for me is that I have never been thin or at a healthy weight. I have been overweight my whole life. It really has been an outward expression of what is going on inside me. I'm not a weak person with no self-control or will-power who can't follow a diet, I've just been using food to fill a void in my life that it will never fill. A drug of choice, so to speak. It's the emotional hunger I have been feeding, not the physical hunger. It's time to start feeling the feelings I've been afraid to feel. It's also time to start eating only when I actually feel hungry. Today will be the first day in my life that I do this. I have no idea what it feels like to be physically hungry, but today I'll learn. Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 BULLY for you Abby! That is a brave and excellent step. Looking forward to hearing your progress and don't forget you can vent if you need to too. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > For a few weeks (months too) I've been struggling with letting go of thinking about dieting and trying to eat when I'm hungry. It hasn't really been working because I've just been eating. The more I flounder back and forth with returning to the point-counting system, the more I eat. Then someone at work decided we should have a party and there was a tremendous amount of food brought into work. Let's just say I ate way more than I wanted to eat. I wasn't hungry. I was just eating because 1) The food was there. 2) I was socializing. 3) It was a distraction. 4) I was obsessed with the pan of brownies and pizza that kept calling my name for two days. > > So, I've spent the past three days feeling like a stuffed sausage. I didn't like how I felt, but I kept eating anyway. Then last night, I was out in the garden with my dogs and I sat down to watch them run around and play. Suddenly the tears started to flow and I began to feel emotions that have been bottled up for a long time. I flashed back to when I was a kid and how when I was upset, we'd go for ice cream or candy to make it better. I realized this is what I've done my whole life and none of it filled the empty hole inside me or made me feel better. I started to think about how I would eat around the kitchen when I felt lonely or sad - cookies, crackers, ice cream, chocolate, cake, anything I could get, but none of it ever made me feel better. In fact, it just numbed the emotions momentarily or calmed me down briefly, only to for me to feel horrible afterwards. No matter what I ate, I always felt empty and was always looking for something else to eat to make it go away. I didn't understand why. Now I'm starting to get it. It is all starting to make sense to me. > > I also am beginning to understand the " diet " thing. I have always thought that when I lose weight, life will be so much different, but when I did lose weight, it wasn't any different. I was still the same person and I had the same problems, I was just smaller. > > The key to this for me is that I have never been thin or at a healthy weight. I have been overweight my whole life. It really has been an outward expression of what is going on inside me. I'm not a weak person with no self-control or will-power who can't follow a diet, I've just been using food to fill a void in my life that it will never fill. A drug of choice, so to speak. It's the emotional hunger I have been feeding, not the physical hunger. It's time to start feeling the feelings I've been afraid to feel. It's also time to start eating only when I actually feel hungry. Today will be the first day in my life that I do this. I have no idea what it feels like to be physically hungry, but today I'll learn. > > Abby > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Wow, I absolutely loved reading your post. You have inspired me for the day. I think if you have not already read the Intuitive Eating book, you will love it. You're a poster child for it!! Thanks so much for posting. Warrior > > For a few weeks (months too) I've been struggling with letting go of thinking about dieting and trying to eat when I'm hungry. It hasn't really been working because I've just been eating. The more I flounder back and forth with returning to the point-counting system, the more I eat. Then someone at work decided we should have a party and there was a tremendous amount of food brought into work. Let's just say I ate way more than I wanted to eat. I wasn't hungry. I was just eating because 1) The food was there. 2) I was socializing. 3) It was a distraction. 4) I was obsessed with the pan of brownies and pizza that kept calling my name for two days. > > So, I've spent the past three days feeling like a stuffed sausage. I didn't like how I felt, but I kept eating anyway. Then last night, I was out in the garden with my dogs and I sat down to watch them run around and play. Suddenly the tears started to flow and I began to feel emotions that have been bottled up for a long time. I flashed back to when I was a kid and how when I was upset, we'd go for ice cream or candy to make it better. I realized this is what I've done my whole life and none of it filled the empty hole inside me or made me feel better. I started to think about how I would eat around the kitchen when I felt lonely or sad - cookies, crackers, ice cream, chocolate, cake, anything I could get, but none of it ever made me feel better. In fact, it just numbed the emotions momentarily or calmed me down briefly, only to for me to feel horrible afterwards. No matter what I ate, I always felt empty and was always looking for something else to eat to make it go away. I didn't understand why. Now I'm starting to get it. It is all starting to make sense to me. > > I also am beginning to understand the " diet " thing. I have always thought that when I lose weight, life will be so much different, but when I did lose weight, it wasn't any different. I was still the same person and I had the same problems, I was just smaller. > > The key to this for me is that I have never been thin or at a healthy weight. I have been overweight my whole life. It really has been an outward expression of what is going on inside me. I'm not a weak person with no self-control or will-power who can't follow a diet, I've just been using food to fill a void in my life that it will never fill. A drug of choice, so to speak. It's the emotional hunger I have been feeding, not the physical hunger. It's time to start feeling the feelings I've been afraid to feel. It's also time to start eating only when I actually feel hungry. Today will be the first day in my life that I do this. I have no idea what it feels like to be physically hungry, but today I'll learn. > > Abby > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 That's a HUGE eureka moment! You can have a whole new experience of your life now. Please know that you're not alone and that you're supported here. Learning how to stand on my own without food is one of my major life tasks. In addition to the Intuitive Eating book, When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies by Hirschmann and Munter has been extraordinarily helpful to me in my process. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey and process. Latoya:) It's the emotional hunger I have been feeding, not the physical hunger. It's time to start feeling the feelings I've been afraid to feel. It's also time to start eating only when I actually feel hungry. Today will be the first day in my life that I do this. I have no idea what it feels like to be physically hungry, but today I'll learn. > > Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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