Re: Introduction :)

[Guest guest]

Margot welcome to the group and thank you for sharing your story with us even though we are all on different stages of our IE Journey we learn a lot from each other so please post as often as you need. Hugs Eva

Hello all, I'm Margot and I just joined this group. I am 27, I live in Delaware, and I have been breaking free since September. I'm experiencing a flurry of internal activity right now, and so I am also a member of a similar group on Yahoo (OOfriends), so that I don't overwhelm one group with comments! I grew up in a very emotionally abusive environment, constantly being told that I was unloveable if I was overweight. I was sent to weightloss camp from the age of 8 to 15, and then I worked at those camps when I was 17, 18, and 21. I have starved myself, gone on atkins, south beach, weight watchers (many times), and I always binged. I've ranged from doing insanely difficult workouts 8-12 times a week to doing an easy 20 minute stroll a few times a week. I actually had read Geneen Roth while I was still in high school, but I was unable to take the approach because I was still living at home in a situation where I would never be allowed to have an abundance of forbidden foods in the house. Now that I am living in my first home, with my husband (who is completely and utterly supportive and wonderful), I have felt safe enough to address this problem and take the IE approach all the way through.My progress has been very difficult but already very rewarding. I was crying a lot and upset very often about my body (hating it), and now I am very loving and accepting of my body. I actually think that I am very beautiful (although I still occassionally get caught up in thinking that I'd be even prettier if I was thinner--until I remember to ask WHY I think that and question it!). I also have completely disassociated "dieting" from "hope," which was a huge step for me. At the beginning of this month (Jan) I started to fill my house with the foods that I love and was never allowed to have, and I've been experiencing abundence for this entire month. I've been trying to eat when I'm hungry and not when I am full as often as I can, and when I decide to eat when I am not hungry or beyond comfortable fullness I try to use it as a learning experience. I am trying to find other things that comfort me besides food, and other things to entertain myself when I am bored besides food. But most of all I am trying to overcome this internal rebellion I feel when I realize that if I eat only when hungry and stop when I am full, I will lose weight. When I feel that I am desiring "lean" or "light" foods, I get frantic and uncomfortable. Today I really tried to figure out why I am afraid or uncomfortable with the idea of losing weight and I had a breakthrough about it. Now that I understand where it is coming from, I am struggling with how to incorporate that awareness into the actual moment when I want to self-sabotage (i.e. eat when my body doesn't want food). Once you use your binges as a learning experience, how do you use what you learned to overcome bingey desires in the moment?Thank you for letting me into the group and for the support I know this group can offer!Margot------------------------------------