Guest guest Posted April 28, 2009 Report Share Posted April 28, 2009 so i have been more anxious than usual lately with regard to my dissertation, which is in a very iffy state. yesterday i woke up anxious, irritated from having slept badly, and hungry. i ate a roll. i thought about the cookie dough in the freezer, thought, " i don't actually want any of that... but what the hell " . i hadn't had the slightest desire for cookie dough for a week. i can't explain why i ate it anyway, and plenty of it. then some oreos. probably about 12 cookies worth in all. so i thought, well, at least you're not hungry now, call it a meal and forget about it. but then part of me was whispering " and you won't need to eat the rest of the day.. so you shouldn't. and you should exercise " . i didn't but i ate little things the rest of the day until midnight, when i was suddenly outrageously hungry and went out for a fast food sandwich. this morning i woke up feeling not at all hungry and thought ok, i'm probably not going to need to eat a lot today. partly because i really wasn't very hungry and partly because i secretly felt i should make up for yesterday. i thought i should go to the gym also, so i went to an aerobics class -- on a lousy cup of yogurt -- and almost passed out. (like, literally, ears ringing, tunnel vision...) so i came home and ate a nice dinner until i was full and here i am, ok, but honestly a little dizzy. but what the hell? what is this resurgence of diet mentality? why am i suddenly doing this to myself? i was doing really well, eating when hungry, enjoying reasonable exercise, all of a sudden i'm a nutcase again? how do i get out of this? thea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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