Re: /Re: Dealing with Toddlers

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/12/99 1:13:21 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

angehowe@... writes:

<< Either and were simply too strong-willed for

this to work, or I didn't know how to do it with them. An example... this

past week, was insistent on playing with the canned goods in my

pantry. He wanted to pull them all out onto the floor, stack them, kick

them around, roll them, whatever. I wanted to cook WITHOUT stepping on

cans... so I started putting the cans back while he was busy with other

ones. When he realized that I was telling him that he couldn't play with

them, you could see the tantrum starting in his eyes. At that moment, I

found a little box of raisins (they do come in handy!) and asked him if he

wanted a raisin, put the box in his hand and one in his mouth... He walked

out of my kitchen happily munching on raisins. Tantrum averted. (Till

next time!)

>>

,

Thanks for the ideas on the books, I will have to go check them out!

And this example you gave, Lexi has done that in fact with my cans as well,

but, if *I* had tried that with Lexi, she would have THROWN the box of

raisins out of her hand, across the room, and then went on to have a temper

tantrum. She has done this SEVERAL times when I try to tell her, " No, you

can't play with that, But How about THIS " .....It just makes her even

madder.....LOL!!

So I have now just put a child-latch on my pantry, just to keep her out, so I

don't have to fight her over it. I have found that is the best way to deal

with it right now, since redirecting her does not work, I try to AVOID the

situation from even arising.

And if it does arise, and she throws a tantrum, I have started putting her in

a 2 minute time out in the bedroom, and that seems to be working.

She is getting the point that screaming, and kicking, throwing herself on the

floor, will ONLY get her a time out, and she does not like that.

So most of the time, I just have to say " do you want a time out? " And she

will stop....

But I think I will check out those books, I would love to learn some

different ways to deal with her.

Thanks again

Stacie

[Guest guest]

>tantrum. She has done this SEVERAL times when I try to tell her, " No, you

>can't play with that, But How about THIS " .....It just makes her even

>madder.....LOL!!

[snipped]

>with it right now, since redirecting her does not work, I try to AVOID the

>situation from even arising.

But the biggest difference is that I rarely say no. Instead of telling him

what he can't do, I just tell him what he can do. Like with biting me....

Instead of telling him " No biting " I ceremoniously dump him on the floor,

stand up (lap disappears then!) and go get a piece of fruit that he CAN

bite, and say " teeth -- here. " If he wants to bite, I will give him

something he CAN bite, but remove what he can't without inciting the anger

associated with NO.

I didn't do it this way with my other two.

It also bugs me knowing that I never *tell* my child " no " but by my

actions, it is very clear that I am teaching him what is and isn't

appropriate, without lowering his self-esteem. It's sort of like how you

shouldn't tell your children what bad children they are for spilling milk.

Your child isn't bad, just had a bad moment... and not even that, it was

just milk. Life will go on. How you deal with it is what matters... not

the carpet.

[Guest guest]

>And if it does arise, and she throws a tantrum, I have started putting her

in

>a 2 minute time out in the bedroom, and that seems to be working.

>She is getting the point that screaming, and kicking, throwing herself on

the

>floor, will ONLY get her a time out, and she does not like that.

>So most of the time, I just have to say " do you want a time out? " And she

>will stop....

For me, time outs involve too much of my attention, and I certainly don't

want to spend my time paying attention to an uncooperative child. I would

rather spend time with a child who can cooperate. Even for a child, they

can weigh out things they want... they don't have to be of equal value. My

oldest child thinks he can't survive a day without Kool-Aid. So since he

is 6 and having trouble distinguishing between fact and fallacy (he's lying

alot!) I have told him that when he tells a lie, he can not have any

Kool-Aid for the remainder of the day. I have also given him an " out " --

he's only a child ya know! -- and that if he can correct his lie as soon as

he realizes that he did lie, he will not get in trouble. That is really

hard to be consistent on, but we have been. When it appears that he is

getting set to lie, both Duane and I ask him to stop and think before he

answers. He's getting good at it. We're going through lots of

Kool-Aid.

My daughter has tested all my limits. I cannot get my almost 4 year old

child to pee consistently in the toilet. She was doing great before I had

. Then we moved right after he was born. Double whammy. Now she

wears pull-ups at night and wets her pants about 2-3 times *every* day. I

am at the point where I am starting to suspect something physical that is

causing this, rather than her not being interested. But so far, there is

nothing that outweighs, for her at least, going potty in her pants. No

shiny sticker, Barbie, lap time... nothing.

[Guest guest]

~

Great idea on the biting issue. Through all of my child devleopment courses

I learned that punishment is an ineffective way to modify behavior and am

trying to convince Dbf as well is the in-laws that I don't believe in

punishment---rather finding appropriate alternatives. They (in laws) are

" old school " and believe that nothing is as effective as a good swat on the

hiney. I'm always looking for example situations, and the one that you

provided was great.

Thanks ;-)

~