Re: Some Epiphanies

[Guest guest]

First of all HUGS to you , you have so MUCH on your 'plate'! I am gong to

interlace my response to your post below the section replied to -

Katcha

>

> I had some epiphanies last night (and now I'm trying to figure out how to

> move forward with them.) I have been in this strangely apathetic place

> about my weight. I was a size 4 last summer, and now I'm a size 8, and it

> is just tearing me up because I know *how* to do this and I have been a

> success at IE for so long,

are you measuring 'success' by a size #?

but I can't seem to bring myself to do what it is

> I need to do - like I don't care. Usually, if I felt any difference of my

> weight of just a few pounds, it would be enough to make me take a look and

> fix whatever it was I was doing (pay more attention, etc.) and I would focus

> on it more intensely.

I don't want to sound harsh, but the impression I am getting is that if you

'stray' from 'the true path of IE' you feel you must then buckle down and work

harder? Such 'driven' reactions tend to back fire on me, could this be happening

to you too?

I just couldn't figure out how I could be relaxed

> about my weight for so long (it had become a non-issue really), and then

> suddenly feel like I have some issues to deal with again, and then be

> apathetic or unfocused about it. It has been frustrating to say the least.

>

> I realized last night as I journaled, that I have some things that have

> either shown up in my life that are hard to cope with or situations I

> haven't come to grips with that are taking my attention and energies away

> from being able to focus truly on IE and my weight. Without boring you too

> much, I can explain some of them in a nutshell only because I need to figure

> out how to now cope with some of this.

>

> My mom was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago. It was a devastating

> diagnosis and at the time was considered inoperable.

I can really feel for you on this. My mother was diagnosed with cancer and gone

within a year. Not only was this a shock as she was only 54 (I was 31 at this

time), but in hind sight her last year was so MISERABLE - surgery &

chemotherapy. This was over 25 years ago and it is still a painful and sad

memory for me.

It has been a long two

> years of surgeries and fighting this thing as a family and now her cancer is

> back - she has multiple nodules in her pleural lining. It doesn't look good

> and I'm just so sad. We find out a course of treatment this week. At the

> same time, I just found out my sister who recently had a baby, was just

> rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery to stop uncontrolled bleeding.

> I had no idea this happened to her, and she still hasn't called me back

> because she is recovering (but I know she is now ok), but it was the thing

> that tipped the whole thing for me stress-wise. On top of this, my husband

> and I have been in a valley that I think we are just coming out of now,

> which is good, but it has been difficult. Then add to that that someone

> stole my account information at my bank (it was a hacking job so I wasn't

> the only victim), but I have some cleaning up to do which takes time and

> energy.

Yes, this is not only an immediate injury (potential theft from you), it 'robs'

you in other ways too. Economic times are going to be MORE challenging, not less

- sigh.

And for the minor stuff, I have had multiple major ant attacks

OK, this is tad off topic, but hopefully it will help you as it has me. Ants

follow a SCENT trail. When you wash your cabinets, try some vinegar in the

water. Another 'trick' that has worked for me is to sprinkle cinnamon over areas

that appear to be the ant trails and entry points. Cinnamon is not only pleasant

smelling, it seems to mask/overrule their own scent markings. I would even go so

far as to walk around the OUTside of your house and see if you can find ant

activity there and dose that with cinnamon too. GOOD LUCK!!

in

> my kitchen this week, so all the dishes had to be removed from the cabinets

> and I had to basically wash *all *my dishes and wash out cabinets this week

> (not in my gameplan) TWICE because the darn ants kept returning. These were

> the things that rocked the boat.

>

> On top of that, I have had some clutter issues that I just haven't had the

> energy or time to conquer. I also live far away from town (our choice)

> because we thought living in the country would be a wonderful thing.

Totally agree! I'm 6 miles 'out' of town too :)

In

> many ways it is, but I also have all my friends and activities in town, so

> with the commute, I find I have even less time. On top of that, we made a

> change to send 1 son to private school this year, so I work 3 mornings a

> week to pay for that, so I have even less time, as really those 15 hours add

> up to more than that with the commute. On top of that, we are planning on

> switching our other son to another school in town because all the California

> budget cuts have decimated our current school's ability to give a top notch

> education, so I know I will have more driving. And on top of that, I have

> been trying to get a handle on some health issues for myself (fatigue

> related) and some financial goals as well.

>

> My epiphany - I realized how can I possibly focus on weight with all that

> going on?

I remember reading about how 'set backs' are quite possible and even 'normal'

for those who have been doing non-dieting for a length of time. If you want, I

highly suggest reading When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies as it has lots more

insight and information about this in it than I could ever condense and post

here.

My attention is so divided. I don't really know how to move

> forward with this and some of these things are going to be on-going and

> difficult. Thanks for letting me get that out there. I know this is a

> place where people understand the valleys. What I really want is to be able

> to be 'free' to focus on my weight, but I can't see the light at the end of

> the tunnel yet. Thanks for listening.

>

>

BEST WISHES and ehugs too, Katcha

IEing since March 2007