Guest guest Posted May 17, 2009 Report Share Posted May 17, 2009 Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder... I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel " alive " . Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! Knobloch Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 Hello , I didn't respond to your first email because I don't feel qualified to counsel anyone about marital issues. However, I can relate to bingeing not for the taste but for the feeling you get afterwards--the fullness, sleepiness. From what I've learned in the books and here online, the fact you have identified your motivation is a good sign. You're making progress, even if you don't realize it. Gracie IE-ing since 4/2/09 > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Mon, 18 May 2009 00:31:58 +0000> Subject: I'm not sure..> > Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder...> > I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel "alive". Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! > Knobloch> Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular> > ------------------------------------> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2009 Report Share Posted May 29, 2009 Yes, of course it did, I've already read it. Diane. > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Mon, 18 May 2009 00:31:58 +0000> Subject: I'm not sure..> > Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder...> > I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel "alive". Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! > Knobloch> Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular> > ------------------------------------> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Hello gang, I’ve been a member for a few weeks but sitting quietly observing on the sidelines. Even without participating in the discussion, the thoughts you all share have been such a help to me. However, it was not until seeing this post form you, , that I was sure I’d joined the right group. I too have suffered with eating disorders- both anorexia and bulimia. I am a now 34 years old, married with three beautiful children and I was hospitalized six months ago because of the damage done to my body with eating disorders. In most aspects of my life I seem accomplished and intelligent as I’m even an athlete and certified personal trainer. Yet, I have not been able to fully recover from the psychological eating disorder. Still, I find that the feeling of hunger is one that tricks me into feeling powerful and in control. I still obsess about physical changes not because I think it makes me valuable but rather because it is a sign of something I do not exert complete control over. I internalize nearly everything and I am so embarrassed by the thoughts I have. Worse, in my quest to eat intuitively, I’ve given myself permission to eat desserts and some high calorie foods and of course gained weight. How am I supposed to resist taking control of this? I’m out there on the race course carrying an extra ten pounds and calling myself an athlete. Of course, I know that I am an athlete and an extra ten pounds will never change that. I’m tired of having these discussions with myself and then falling into a depressive state of hopelessness over it all just to wake up again and try like hell to get it right all over again. I say all of that to say that it makes me feel hopeful when I can see that my deepest issues are not mine alone. So how do we moderate that instinct to be in control. If I don’t get that I fear never being able to trust myself to eat intuitively. In need of help, Sala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 For myself, I found it so englightening when I finally realized that I struggle with anxiety. In my opinion, I think anxiety can be genetic... I have spent my entire life living with anxiety so it was normal to me. I never connected the dots. But then I realized that I sucked my thumb far into childhood, struggle with certain OCD compulsive behaviors and abuse food as a way to calm myself. I have kicked the thumb sucking habit (many years ago thankfully) but still have the food thing to work on. It is definitely a struggle. I use food to relax and destress. It has been the hardest to work on but IE has been a huge help. Goodluck! - K > > > > Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder... > > > > I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel " alive " . Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! > > Knobloch > > Sent from my BlackBerry� wireless device from U.S. Cellular > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 The book I'm reading says anxious people can wake in the night from dreams of anxiety. This makes sense to me, as I did the same thing nightly for years... Feed it! I saw a new psychiatrist today, and he DID diagnose me with an anxiety disorder. I told him about my book and he agreed whole heartedly. He said people do dream about what they think about during their days. Then I had to be weighed. The nurse said my bmi is 29, and I only have 3% to be in the normal weight category- which is 26! I started this journey with a bmi of 35... I'm getting there! He prescribed an anti anxiety med for me, and I hope it helps slow down my brain! I think and worry WAY too much!Thanks for listening! KnoblochSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. CellularFrom: "normaaaaaaaa" Date: Tue, 02 Jun 2009 21:53:10 -0000To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: I'm not sure.. For myself, I found it so englightening when I finally realized that I struggle with anxiety. In my opinion, I think anxiety can be genetic... I have spent my entire life living with anxiety so it was normal to me. I never connected the dots. But then I realized that I sucked my thumb far into childhood, struggle with certain OCD compulsive behaviors and abuse food as a way to calm myself. I have kicked the thumb sucking habit (many years ago thankfully) but still have the food thing to work on. It is definitely a struggle. I use food to relax and destress. It has been the hardest to work on but IE has been a huge help. Goodluck! - K > > > > Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder... > > > > I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel " alive " . Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! > > Knobloch > > Sent from my BlackBerry� wireless device from U.S. Cellular > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 It sounds like you have an inner critic NAGGING at you! Maybe the book I'm reading would help you too. Check out Shrink Yourself by Gould. 10 pounds is not that much.. Maybe you need to use a different standard to prove your athletic status? Speed, bmi, or endurance, perhaps?I've known for a long time that my anorexia was about feeling powerless and it was my way of finding power/control of my life. NO one could make me EAT, and I KNEW it bothered my hubby- so I just got thinner and thinner! Haahhh! I showed HIM during those years! Lol. His excess weight disgusted me and he wouldn't do anything about it.Finally I saw what I was doing to my body, and went the other way- using food as a tranquilizer, to numb myself when my inner critic exaggerated my shortcomings, faults, mistakes and failures. I am 43 and have spent the last 7 years with a bmi around 36. I gave up dieting for the most part 5 years ago, but only now that I'm getting my emotional eating under control, is the bingeing subsiding and the weight dropping off. Today I was measured at the psychiatrist's office and my bmi is out of the obese category and nearing NORMAL! My bmi is now 3% above normal! I think it's at 29 and normal is 26. (I have a terrible memory for numbers! Sorry!)Hope this helps. KnoblochSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. CellularFrom: "Sala Chrispin" Date: Tue, 2 Jun 2009 13:56:31 -0400To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: I'm not sure.. Hello gang, I’ve been a member for a few weeks but sitting quietly observing on the sidelines. Even without participating in the discussion, the thoughts you all share have been such a help to me. However, it was not until seeing this post form you, , that I was sure I’d joined the right group. I too have suffered with eating disorders- both anorexia and bulimia. I am a now 34 years old, married with three beautiful children and I was hospitalized six months ago because of the damage done to my body with eating disorders. In most aspects of my life I seem accomplished and intelligent as I’m even an athlete and certified personal trainer. Yet, I have not been able to fully recover from the psychological eating disorder. Still, I find that the feeling of hunger is one that tricks me into feeling powerful and in control. I still obsess about physical changes not because I think it makes me valuable but rather because it is a sign of something I do not exert complete control over. I internalize nearly everything and I am so embarrassed by the thoughts I have. Worse, in my quest to eat intuitively, I’ve given myself permission to eat desserts and some high calorie foods and of course gained weight. How am I supposed to resist taking control of this? I’m out there on the race course carrying an extra ten pounds and calling myself an athlete. Of course, I know that I am an athlete and an extra ten pounds will never change that. I’m tired of having these discussions with myself and then falling into a depressive state of hopelessness over it all just to wake up again and try like hell to get it right all over again. I say all of that to say that it makes me feel hopeful when I can see that my deepest issues are not mine alone. So how do we moderate that instinct to be in control. If I don’t get that I fear never being able to trust myself to eat intuitively. In need of help, Sala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Well, someone with more experience here will post too, but I can respond a bit. I know that from reading your post and relating to my own experience that you seem to be in a trap of needing to feel " mad " at yourself in a way. One phrase in particular stood out " 10 pounds overweight and calling yourself an atlete. " I am more than that and I AM an athlete. ;-) But there were many more instances that made it clear, it's almost like we're addicted to the fight, the uphill battle we create ourselves, the spiral of poor self esteem. Like I said, I am mostly in the process of indentifying. I can't recommmend enough the book Intuitive Eating. I am being transformed! Hang in there, Warrior > > Hello gang, > > > > I've been a member for a few weeks but sitting quietly observing on the > sidelines. Even without participating in the discussion, the thoughts you > all share have been such a help to me. However, it was not until seeing > this post form you, , that I was sure I'd joined the right group. I > too have suffered with eating disorders- both anorexia and bulimia. I am a > now 34 years old, married with three beautiful children and I was > hospitalized six months ago because of the damage done to my body with > eating disorders. In most aspects of my life I seem accomplished and > intelligent as I'm even an athlete and certified personal trainer. Yet, I > have not been able to fully recover from the psychological eating disorder. > Still, I find that the feeling of hunger is one that tricks me into feeling > powerful and in control. I still obsess about physical changes not because > I think it makes me valuable but rather because it is a sign of something I > do not exert complete control over. I internalize nearly everything and I > am so embarrassed by the thoughts I have. Worse, in my quest to eat > intuitively, I've given myself permission to eat desserts and some high > calorie foods and of course gained weight. How am I supposed to resist > taking control of this? I'm out there on the race course carrying an extra > ten pounds and calling myself an athlete. Of course, I know that I am an > athlete and an extra ten pounds will never change that. I'm tired of having > these discussions with myself and then falling into a depressive state of > hopelessness over it all just to wake up again and try like hell to get it > right all over again. > > I say all of that to say that it makes me feel hopeful when I can see that > my deepest issues are not mine alone. So how do we moderate that instinct > to be in control. If I don't get that I fear never being able to trust > myself to eat intuitively. > > > > In need of help, > > Sala > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Thank you for opening up like this. It helped me a lot. I struggle with anxiety as well and am looking for a good solution too. Warrior > > > > > > Did this message get posted before? I didn't get any replies, so I started to wonder... > > > > > > I'm learning that my binging is triggered by anxiety, and I've always been aware that if I didn't have to eat for energy, I could just give up food altogether. However, I just realized this: I eat because of how the food makes me feel after I eat it. The sugar highs, allergic reactions to milk, yeast, and corn make me feel " alive " . Maybe it sparks some discomfort, replaces my problematic anxiety somehow? What do you think? I am also allergic to mushrooms and am currently high on them from eating morells for supper tonight. I have been anorexic- I believe what I had done back then was to perceive the feeling of hunger as a signal of success; as a sign that I was in control. My husband was very controlling back then, and I rebelled! > > > Knobloch > > > Sent from my BlackBerry� wireless device from U.S. Cellular > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Hi Sala, Welcome to the group! For me, " control " is about not wanting to fall apart and to stop feelings of chaos. I've had to learn that sometimes falling apart and chaos is ok. We are constantly navigating a balance of being in control and being out of control. Somethings are governed by larger forces than our own will. I like that Tribole & Resch write that IE is not about willpower because willpower alone is not sustainable consistently. I think that " control " has a place in this process. I exercised a degree of control by reading about IE and committing to practice it in my life. I " control " what I buy for myself to eat. I make a point to buy the foods that I really love/like and to buy a variety of foods. I " control " what I continue to eat. For example, if, I eat something and I don't like it I have permission to stop eating it or to throw it away. I have a certain amount of " control " over my thoughts...to redirect my thoughts and energy to ideas that support and motivate me. I exert a degree of control when I monitor my hunger and fullness...when I choose to move regularly. We have some choice about whether we pick up and read through magazines articles that reinforce diet mentality or if we read articles that affirm our process of eating intuitively and listening to our bodies. We control/influence our process in major and minor ways constantly. Maybe recognizing more intentionally and mindfully the ways you do have " control " will help. And, there are alot of other experiences in life besides having " control " ...so control needs to be more flexible and make room for other experiences...it's only fair! Even though some of wish we had control over everything, we are shown quite clearly the things that we really don't have control over! I've relaxed " control " to thinking in terms of where I have constructive " influence " in my life and with my body. Softening to " influence " has greatly reduced the resistance that I've had to my thinking/controlling self in the past. Latoya > I say all of that to say that it makes me feel hopeful when I can see that my deepest issues are not mine alone. So how do we moderate that instinct to be in control. If I don't get that I fear never being able to trust myself to eat intuitively. > In need of help, > Sala Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Sala-- If I could give you a big hug, I would. I am a recovering anorexic myself so I relate to so much of what you wrote. I personally sometimes feel a void where the anorexia used to be and it feels sad and empty at times. I am learning to live with that " hole " and just letting it be, but it can be a rough go. My best to you, > > Hello gang, > > > > I've been a member for a few weeks but sitting quietly observing on the > sidelines. Even without participating in the discussion, the thoughts you > all share have been such a help to me. However, it was not until seeing > this post form you, , that I was sure I'd joined the right group. I > too have suffered with eating disorders- both anorexia and bulimia. I am a > now 34 years old, married with three beautiful children and I was > hospitalized six months ago because of the damage done to my body with > eating disorders. In most aspects of my life I seem accomplished and > intelligent as I'm even an athlete and certified personal trainer. Yet, I > have not been able to fully recover from the psychological eating disorder. > Still, I find that the feeling of hunger is one that tricks me into feeling > powerful and in control. I still obsess about physical changes not because > I think it makes me valuable but rather because it is a sign of something I > do not exert complete control over. I internalize nearly everything and I > am so embarrassed by the thoughts I have. Worse, in my quest to eat > intuitively, I've given myself permission to eat desserts and some high > calorie foods and of course gained weight. How am I supposed to resist > taking control of this? I'm out there on the race course carrying an extra > ten pounds and calling myself an athlete. Of course, I know that I am an > athlete and an extra ten pounds will never change that. I'm tired of having > these discussions with myself and then falling into a depressive state of > hopelessness over it all just to wake up again and try like hell to get it > right all over again. > > I say all of that to say that it makes me feel hopeful when I can see that > my deepest issues are not mine alone. So how do we moderate that instinct > to be in control. If I don't get that I fear never being able to trust > myself to eat intuitively. > > > > In need of help, > > Sala > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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