Re: Subconsciously hanging onto the weight (fear?)

[Guest guest]

Of course the only thing most people can do is to speak from their own experiences, however, I found that whenever I get some sort of anxiety about what you've mentioned (I have similar anxieties, but also, uncertainties) I find that its a "trust" issue.  Not a trust about other people, a trust in my own decisions about others.  My ability to choose certain types of men is incredibly redundant - something I can actually do without.   So, the first thing for me is to be able to look to see if I'm willing to slow down, get to know someone pretty well first, and then see about something further.   As far as people who are attracted to you, but you not to them, no matter who they are, I suppose learning how to hold your ground and know what you are worth and deserve without feeling guilty of the other person's "feelings", or whether

they are going to approve of you or not, is something to work on.   I'm guessing there.   Besides, who needs to be approved by someone you don't want to have sexual relations with? Lyn

Could this be true? It seems every time I start feeling a difference in my clothes loosening up and people making comments on "you look like you're losing weight." I notice I get anxious and start eating when not hungry and overeating; then I seem to relax a bit. When I was lighter I would get lots of attention but not the nice kind of attention - I mean crossing the line attention, I even had a family member go too far once and I think that must have been deep rooted just because of the timing with my parents divorce within a couple of weeks of that. Any thoughts from anyone? I don't know that this issue warrants a therapist and I've not had good experiences with therapists in the past except to figure out I have separation anxiety - that explained a lot!!

Thanks,

Jo.

[Guest guest]

It sucks - but unfortunately, it seems in the Western type of culture, this is an "image" game of some sort we play with each other.   Must have something to do with making money .   Lyni really, truly and deeply wish people did not feel entitled to comment on other people's bodies. it does so much damage.

thea

>

> Could this be true? It seems every time I start feeling a difference in my clothes loosening up and people making comments on "you look like you're losing weight." I notice I get anxious and start eating when not hungry and overeating; then I seem to relax a bit. When I was lighter I would get lots of attention but not the nice kind of attention - I mean crossing the line attention, I even had a family member go too far once and I think that must have been deep rooted just because of the timing with my parents divorce within a couple of weeks of that. Any thoughts from anyone? I don't know that this issue warrants a therapist and I've not had good experiences with therapists in the past except to figure out I have separation anxiety - that explained a lot!!

>

> Thanks,

> Jo.

>

[Guest guest]

Jo,

I've had similar experiences with other people comments, specifically about what

I'm eating, influencing me to want to eat more. Also, I've found some resistance

in myself to losing weight. My weight has been a soure of protection, comfort,

and a big middle finger to the world in some ways. The great news is that with

your realization, you can begin to respond to yourself and take care of your

self even better!

I've actually had conversations with myself about it being ok for me to let go

of the weight that I'm holding. Before, I started to understand the dynamics of

how my fear and other people's comments and media messages affected my eating

and refusal to " exercise " at times, the only response that I had was to eat when

I wasn't hunger out of pain, hurt, spite, and anger that my personal boundaries

were being violated or trampled on and to respond by having resistance to

exercise as my forms of protest.

Tribole & Resch's book addresses this point in their chapter with the Food

Police. How we can begin to communicate to others when their comments aren't

helpful instead of feeling compelled to respond through a subconscious need to

eat and hang on to weight. I still have a long way on this journey. However, I

see things so much more clearly now. Since starting IE and working with this

issue, people comments and commercials just don't affect me in that wacked out

way that they used to shape my eating and desire to move. In fact, I've realized

that I don't really " want to lose weight " and the thought of losing weight is

not helpful to me. What I mean is that even the thought " I'm losing weight " ,

like you've noticed with times when your clothes get looser, isn't where I want

my attention to be. I want a more joyful focus that comes from practicing

IE...like oh I'm responding to my hunger, I'm responding to my non-hunger needs

more and more without using food, I'm moving regularly and enjoying my body,

etc. These are all ways that I'm caring for myself better. So, when the

unhelpful thoughts about weight come up through other peoples comments, the

media, or my own conditioned internal dialogues, I can go back/re-center my mind

on what's real and supportive...the different ways I enjoy and want to continue

taking care of myself instead of getting lost and caught up in the old paradigm

of obsession and compulsion around food, body image, and weight loss.

If you find that after a while, working with your self on this issue still feels

stuck, you may want spend some time working with a therapist or coach in this

area. I went through 2 years of a masters program to become a therapist before

deciding not to get licensed. So, if you can find a good one and want additional

support, a therapist or coach can provide an outlet to talk and process through

this tension. Another person can provide additional insight and help us navigate

through difficult areas in our life. I've found that working with myself is an

intuitive process and I tend to do most of my processing own my own. I've worked

with myself for so long that I've become my own therapist. Please keep us

posted on how everything is going in this area.

Latoya

Any thoughts from anyone? I don't know that this issue warrants a therapist and

I've not had good experiences with therapists in the past except to figure out I

have separation anxiety - that explained a lot!!

>

> Thanks,

> Jo.

>

[Guest guest]

Latoya, your post was so good and I totally feel the same way about how a person

(you, me) will come to a calm understanding and appreciation of THEIR needs and

meeting them from the inside out, not the other way around. Thanks for sharing

that - ehugs, Katcha

> Any thoughts from anyone? I don't know that this issue warrants a therapist

and I've not had good experiences with therapists in the past except to figure

out I have separation anxiety - that explained a lot!!

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Jo.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

klic1234 wrote:

> Could this be true?

Just with all other things I don't believe it's true in 100% of the

cases. There are many reasons people have trouble losing weight.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

latoyajw wrote:

> I've actually had conversations with myself about it being ok for me to

> let go of the weight that I'm holding.

I did that, too, and I think I should do it more often (though I found

it very tiring to repeat the same thoughts over and over again).

I can't help but feeling some rebellion when losing weight. It's like

" giving in " to all the pressure to be thin. It's interesting that I was

able to lose SOME weight but that I'm stuck now and even gained a bit

back during exam preparation.

I don't know if I gained more after that but my clothes still fit, so it

can't be too much though I find myself fearing weighing myself

because... yeah... why? Because I could see that I gained a TON? Well,

that's not possible since my clothes haven't exploded so far.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

Styxia,

I get frustrated with repeating thoughts too. I've never been good at sticking

to any type of mantra regularly:) What I've found is that I have to go beyond

just the " thought " or the words. I truly had to develop a " feeling " on a deeper

level inside of myself that it is ok to let go of any distorted need to hold on

to weight. Because the truth is that I hold onto weight out of a desire for

protection and comfort...as a boundary/cushion against difficult experiences in

life. So the questions that have come up for me have been around how can I feel

safe and comforted in my body.

With a felt sense in my body that it is truly ok for me to let go of the weight

I'm holding, I don't have to keep repeating that to my self because I know that

truth. Does that make sense? For me, part of my work has been to feel confident

that I have the skills and to tools to respond to myself and others without

having to punish myself through food. So, at least at this point with IE, I

don't feel the need to use food as punishment or out of spite. However, I do

still need to work with the reality that I use food for comfort and as a

stimulant or calming agent when I'm feeling overwhelmed sometimes.

Developing the feeling inside of myself that it's ok to let go of the weight

that I've been holding onto doesn't mean that I'm trying to lose weight, or that

I will ever lose weight, or that I'm trying to gain weight...only that I don't

have to hold onto weight because I need protection or want to rebel/protest

through eating. What's so key is that I've found that one of the best ways for

me to release my rebellion against losing weight is to focus my attention on

what's important to me. For me, IE has revealed what sanity is...responding to

my hunger, responding to my non-hunger needs in more creative ways, moving my

body, etc. So, I don't have to feel like I'm " giving in " to the thinness

obsession. Instead, I'm honoring what I really want. IE is a long-term

commitment and journey for me and I hope to experience more and more of the

balance that I want in my life.

Latoya

I've actually had conversations with myself about it being ok for me to let go

of the weight that I'm holding.

I did that, too, and I think I should do it more often (though I found it very

tiring to repeat the same thoughts over and over again).

I can't help but feeling some rebellion when losing weight. It's like " giving

in " to all the pressure to be thin.

[Guest guest]

My eating has been more chaotic lately too. I'm moving to a new city this

Saturday. And, the process of moving again usually brings up alot of emotions

around grief, loss, and anxiety related to starting over again.

I also continue to work with that question about what is enough food to eat

mostly during evening meals or when I'm feeling dissatisfied. I have been taking

foods into work to eat when I get hungry in the morning and in the afternoon.

I've noticed something that's difficult to explain in words. When I eat my first

meal in the morning, I eat intuitively and I don't even have to think about

what's enough. Also when I'm satisified, peaceful, or joyful in my life in

general, it seems that I don't have to think about what's enough to eat

either...I just eat.

When I'm generally at peace in my body, I don't seem to have an accompanying

urge to use food to make me feel better/satisified. I understand now while

writing this message the different types of satisfaction that I experience.

There's a natural calm satisifaction that comes from the simple act of

responding to my hunger and there's also this other craving/urge for a more

illusive intense feeling of comfort that I've been seeking to know when to stop

eating. So, I end up eating until I feel that intense sensation of my stomach

being full. I think it may be more difficult for me to experience the natural

calm satisfaction of responding to my hunger when I'm not feeling relaxed in my

body. When I come home from work, I feel so tired and hyper that I may be eating

more because that state is preventing me from feeling the more subtle

satisfaction of responding to my hunger. In fact, it's been difficult for me to

even wait for my true hunger during the evenings because I want to use food to

shift me out of the discomfort I'm feeling. I really do need to practice

regulary transitioning into a more peaceful state after work to be able to

respond to my hunger signals intuitively.

Latoya

Somehow this doesn't make sense - but inside me there is a chaos lately when it

comes to eating.

>

> Regards

> s.

[Guest guest]

Wow Latoya, what great insights into your feelings and reactions Peace within

your body vs. peace felt outside (aka comfort?) your body. I know I need to pay

attention most, and its hardest to do too, when I find 'something is eating AT

me' (and I'm consequently EATing it too ;-).

Hope you are joyfully settled in your new place soon ehugs, Katcha

> Somehow this doesn't make sense - but inside me there is a chaos lately when

it comes to eating.

> >

> > Regards

> > s.

>