Re: Spanking

December 28, 2002

>Alec gets very manic and these are the time he gets a good pop on

the butt. He will not settle for anything and this spanking seems to

usually bring him back to reality. It is awful but it works. He does

understand spankings. He is 5 yrs at this point. He will be told to

stop doing something or he will get a spanking and he will stop.

(Alec will continue to confuse me, he doesnt understand much but he

understands that!) Spanking does work for us. But we reserve it for

serious problems and manic situations. Of course when Alec gets manic

his safety and others safety is always an issue. Ok, now I have said

it. I am done. This is not a judgment on anyone. We each do what

works for our kids.

>

I don't understand it either. But it has often worked for when

he's in a manic state. I don't believe 's bipolar (though I

could be wrong) He goes for testing in late March. *sigh* I was

hoping to get him in this January. Any way...as gets older and

his comprehesion improves, he's gotten fewer swats on the bottom. But

with , spanking doesn't work as discipline as much as it works

for attention getting. It's like the physical contact (albiet a

slightly painful one) helps him to refocus and redirect.

Anything more than one swat is ineffective and if the spanking is

purely for punishment, it's ineffective. It doesn't make him stop and

think " Oh, I shouldn't do this, I'm going to get a spanking. " He's

not capable of thinking through consequences...not yet. He is

improving though.

Tina

December 28, 2002

> OK.

> I'll chime in here.

> I'm on the other end of this issue.

>

> I do not spank.

> I have never spanked either one of my children.

> Ever.

>

> I was spanked as a child, spanked for not doing anything wrong, for

not " understanding " . I think the person who was spanking me actually

enjoyed it.

>

No judgement here, Penny. I understand completely. I was spanked as a

child also but for me the physical pain was far easier to ignore than

the words that went along with it. Because of that, I have been very

careful about what I say to my kids and the tone of voice I use to

say it.

I think that we all have our childhood memories that we would prefer

to forget. Unfortunately, when I forget, I find myself repeating the

mistakes my parents made.

Spanking ceratinly isn't for every parent, nor for every child. It

would have been totally useless for .

Tina

December 30, 2002

Hmmmmm.... When I tell Greggory he will get a spanking if he doesnt stop and

then say " is that what you want? " and he says yess then I spank him. I tell him

that he said yes and he should think before he speaks. But of course this cannot

be the case with Alec. But I do always follow through with what I say. I am

narotic that way. I never just threaten. As for saying we are going home. I

would only say that if " I " wanted to go home and he wanted to stay. Never the

other way around for bad behaviour. But then there are time when I ask honestly

if he wants to go home and he does and so we do. Why continue with an activity

noone wants if there is no reason. I am a strange mother.

Jacquie H

Re: Re: Spanking

> " Andy if you don't stop x, y, z... you will get a smack " .

But at this moment in time it has no meaning for him. <

sometimes i will actually threaten kailey with a spank and it ALWAYS

backfires. actually, most punishments backfire with her. i'll say " kailey, if

you don't stop, you'll get a spanking, do you want that? " and she inevitably

will say yes. i can't imagine she REALLY wants to be spanked, but maybe she

knows if she agrees with the punishment, i won't do it? hmmm

then again, she does it when we're out too, i'll say " if you don't knock it

off, we're going home, do you want that? " and very often she'll say yes and i

know that she really DOES want to go home. ugh, i totally don't get it :-/

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

December 30, 2002

Kids even in the same family react so differently to the same punishment. Thats

why noone here can say that one method is the method that will work for all of

our kids.

Jacquie H

Re: Spanking

Matt wants to spank Boone, because he thinks it works. It doesn't work. It

might distract Boone from doing something momentarily, long enough to beat

the crap out of something nearby (usually me), but it doesn't stop whatever

behavior he's been spanked for doing.

Hasn't worked even once. Not ever.

Spanking worked for Dillon for a while but is pretty ineffective now. Not

that he had that many spankings. He used to be a really good kid.

I can probably count on one hand the number of times Amber has been spanked.

Just the suggestion of a spanking was good enough for her.

Sissi

December 30, 2002

Yes. For Alec this is how it works best. Although he is starting to understand

that he doesnt want a swat so he will reconsider doing some things at times.

Although in a manic state it doesnt matter at all and thats where the pop comes

in to stop it all.