Guest guest Posted March 18, 2001 Report Share Posted March 18, 2001 >From: kesha.shass@... >To: smitty0007@..., cat267277356@..., Cunnham@..., >selenia40@..., tribout@..., Isom5@..., >mlgardner@..., garywarrenb@..., terrykeck@..., >Ladsponies@..., bulldrake@..., foiltude@..., >parameta@..., royann@..., ss444@..., >mustngma65@... >Subject: Fwd: Fw: funny >Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2001 17:09:07 -0800 (PST) > > > Fwd: HILARIOUS!!! > > > > > > >>>Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 21:02:11 > > > > > > >>> > > > > > > >>> > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>IF THERE'S ONE JOKE > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > YOU HAVE TO READ, IT'S THIS ONE - IT IS > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > HILARIOUS!!! > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > A little old lady went into the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > Bank of Canada one day, carrying a > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > bag of money. She insisted that > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > she must speak with the president of >the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > bank to open a savings account > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > because, " It's a lot of money! " After >much > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > hemming and hawing, the bank > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > staff finally ushered her into the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > president's > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > office after > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > all...(the customer is always right)! >The > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> bank president > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > then > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > asked her how much money she > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > would like to deposit. She replied, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > $165,000! " and dumped the cash out of > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > her bag onto his desk. The > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > president was of course curious as to >how > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> she > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > came by all this cash, so > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > he asked her, " Ma'am, I'm surprised >you're > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > carrying so much cash around. > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > Where did you get this money? " The old > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > lady replied, " I make > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > bets. " The president then asked, " Bets? > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> What > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > kind of bets? " > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > The old woman said, " well, for example, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> I'll bet you > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > $25,000 > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > that your balls are square. " " Ha! " >laughed > > > > > > >>>>the > > > > > > >>>>president, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> " That's > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> >a > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > stupid > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > bet. You can never win that kind of > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> bet! " The old lady > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > challenged, " so, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > would you like to take my bet? " > " Sure, " > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> said the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > president, " I'll bet > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > $25,000 > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > that my balls are not square! " The > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > little old lady then said, " Okay, but > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > since there is a lot of money > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > involved, my I bring my lawyer with me > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > tomorrow > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > at 10:00AM as a > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > witness? " " Sure! " replied the confident > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> president. That > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > night, the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > president got very nervous about the >bet > > > > > > >>>>and spent a > > > > > > >>>>long > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>time > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > in > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > front of a mirror checking his balls, > > > > > > >>>>turning from > > > > > > >>>>side > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>to side, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > again > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > and > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > again. > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > He thoroughly checked them out until >he > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> was sure that > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > there was absolutely > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > no > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > way his balls were square and that he > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> would > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > win the bet. The next morning > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > at > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > precisely 10:00 AM the little > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > old lady appeared with her lawyer at >the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > president's office. She > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > introduced the lawyer to the president >and > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > repeated > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > the bet " $25,000 > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > says the president's balls are square! " > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> The president > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > agreed with > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > the bet again and the old lady asked >him > > > > > > >>>>to drop his > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>pants so > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > they could > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > all see. The president complied. The >old > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> lady peered > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > closely > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > at > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > his balls and then asked if she could > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> feel them. > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > Well, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > okay, " said the president, " $25,000 >is >a > > > > > > >>>>lot of > > > > > > >>>>money, > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>so I > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> >guess > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > you > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > should > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > be > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > absolutely sure. " Just then, he >noticed > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> that > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > the lawyer was quietly > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > banging > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > his head against the wall. The > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > president asked the old lady, " What > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > the hell's the matter with your > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > lawyer? " She replied, " Nothing, except >I > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > bet > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > him > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > $100,000 > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> Bank of Canada's > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > president's > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > balls in my hand. " > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > The origination of this letter is > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > unknown, but it brings > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > good luck to everyone who passes it >on. > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> The > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > one who breaks the chain will > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > have bad luck. Do not keep this >letter. > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > Do not send money. Just forward > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > it > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > to five of your > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > friends to whom you wish good luck. You > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> will see > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > > that something > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > good happens to you four days from now >if > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> the chain is not > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>>* > > > > > broken > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>> > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > >>>_________________________________________________________________ > > > > > > >>>> > >>>Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at > > > > > > >>>>http://explorer.msn.com > > > > > > >>>> > >>> > > > > > > >>>> > >>> > > > > > > >>>> > >> > > > > > > >>>> > >> > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > > > >>>> > > > > > > >>> > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > > > > > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com > > > > > > > > > > --0-457083164-981419690=:97244-- > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ============================================== > > > > The information contained in this E-mail message is privileged, > > > > confidential, and protected from disclosure. If you think that > > > > you have received this E-mail message in error, please forward > > > > this message to " Administrator@... " . > > > > ============================================== > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >_______________________________________________________ >Send a cool gift with your E-Card >http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/ > > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 25, 2001 Report Share Posted May 25, 2001 Someone sent this too me so I thought I would pass it along..... , I got this in my email from one of my bypass buddies... thought it was funny and since you are going to be going thru all this soon, think you might get a laff! EXCERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE 1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with his applicator. 2. Drink a quart of Sherwin- Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat. 3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose. 4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: " mild discomfort. " 5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle. 6. Remove all actual food from the house. 7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall. 8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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