Aspergers? - completely OT

September 21, 2004

Hi - I need some advice. I think my friend's son may have HFA or

perhaps Aspergers, and she and her husband are in complete denial.

This is what's going on with the five year old little guy: he is

sick all the time and constantly on antibiotics. His parents took

him to the head of Immunology at CHOP, and he told them their son

has a weakened immune system. As a result, the doctor said none of

the vaccines were successful. His recommendation was to reimmunize

the child which they did. The little guy has erratic behavior. At my

son's b-day party, he screamed and cried everytime a balloon popped,

not because of the noise, but because the balloons were all gone. He

has some perseverative language, is awkward socially, overly

attached to his parents, and aggressive toward them. I know I should

follow my instincts and talk to my friend, but how do I broach the

subject. No one had to break the news to us about our son's autism.

We figured it out before he was even diagnosed. I am just not sure

how to talk to someone who is in denial. Has anyone ever been in

this situation? Any advice?

TIA - Louisa, mom to Spencer, 5, autism, SCD almost 1 yr. and seeing

great stuff

September 21, 2004

That’s exactly like MY Aspie son! When he was 2 he loved tractors, and we

lived in the country, and when he would see one he would be elated, but as

soon as it was out of sight he would scream endlessly! Same for other

similar situations. I tried for 7 years to get ID’d as having a

medical problem, but because he is so high functioning I got told it was

testosterone, poor parenting, grief (we lost my husband when was 5) .

.. . even when I found a doctor who treats the autistic spectrum (not a DAN

doc), he would only tell me was not normal but refused to “label” the

child. And forget our pediatrician – he won’t label, either!! How in the

world is someone supposed to get help without the label??? The label was a

good thing for me. I finally diagnosed myself after months on the

Internet, made an appointment with a DAN doc and asked him point-blank: Am

I right??? Does he have Asperger’s???? (He confirmed it and observed

oppositional defiance, too – I’d heard of that but doesn’t quite fit

the complete profile for that – it’s like a little icing on the cake for us.

Oh boy.)

My point in all that is that the parents may be desperate for an answer to

their child’s behavior and may gladly welcome the possibility that he is

sick and not just a brat! Certainly they cannot enjoy their child’s

behavior and would welcome anything that doesn’t blame his behavior on their

parenting. They may never have heard of ASD – I had not until February. We

went to the first doctor because I knew he treated children with behavior

problems, but it never occurred to me that was on the spectrum until

I came home from the first appointment and started researching.

Since I don’t know the relationship you have with the mother I can’t offer

how to approach her, but certainly suggesting that you know of some

information that might “help ny be happier” is a benign way to start the

conversation.

I would have welcomed the information; I wish I’d had it 5 years ago. :-(

Alice

Mama to , Aspie, SCD 3 ½ weeks

---------------------------------------------------------------

he screamed and cried everytime a balloon popped,

not because of the noise, but because the balloons were all gone.

September 22, 2004

its urgent that he doesn't get any more vaccines

the parents ought to listen

you have to remember that things can get much worse, the parents be

loaded with life time care of a bed ridden medically ill child on

spectrum

i would start on the vaccine thing give them some web links of the

very good sites on vaccine damage, check out the vaccine damage links

half way down this page

http://members.tripod.com/mueller_ranges/\

links/links.html

uh oh i just read that the child was revaccinated

really message boards and diet and supplementation are thier only

hope, doctors and diagnosis just make it worse

i don't have a lot of sympathy for some of these parents, they get

aggressive towards whats told to them that is helpful and sycophantic

to the white coated medical murders who in sane world would be in

prison for assult or manslaughter

but hey its ok these days to ruin kids lives

> Hi - I need some advice. I think my friend's son may have HFA or

> perhaps Aspergers, and she and her husband are in complete denial.

> This is what's going on with the five year old little guy: he is

> sick all the time and constantly on antibiotics. His parents took

> him to the head of Immunology at CHOP, and he told them their son

> has a weakened immune system. As a result, the doctor said none of

> the vaccines were successful. His recommendation was to reimmunize

> the child which they did. The little guy has erratic behavior. At

my

> son's b-day party, he screamed and cried everytime a balloon

popped,

> not because of the noise, but because the balloons were all gone.

He

> has some perseverative language, is awkward socially, overly

> attached to his parents, and aggressive toward them. I know I

should

> follow my instincts and talk to my friend, but how do I broach the

> subject. No one had to break the news to us about our son's autism.

> We figured it out before he was even diagnosed. I am just not sure

> how to talk to someone who is in denial. Has anyone ever been in

> this situation? Any advice?

>

> TIA - Louisa, mom to Spencer, 5, autism, SCD almost 1 yr. and

seeing

> great stuff

September 22, 2004

I don't know if this could be helpful or not but I am in the process

of writing Luke's " story " (basically how we got from there to

here...) and he is 5 with Asperger's. It's not completed yet but

some of what you mention is for sure similar. I don't know how to

tell you to broach the subject, maybe it will come up in a casual

way, who knows... but here's the link if it's helpful. I don't know

what I plan to do with this story when it's done, mainly it's for my

own benefit to work through it and also some family is enjoying the

chance to look back on how this all has progressed with him. You

could also email me at ecmmbm@..., I'm not here on the

board very often unfortunately and don't receive posts to my email

any longer, just can't keep up.

http://pages.ivillage.com/michelles2and1/quiteajourney/

w/ Luke, SCD since 1/04, almost 6, Aspie

also 4, 2

September 22, 2004

This is a really tough quandry, because you stand to loose your

friendship with your friend (happened to me when I was the " mom with

the child " ). A few well meaning friends tried to gently suggest

there might be something askew with my boy, but I couldn't see it. I

just saw , who was a " spirited child " (curse that book for

suggesting to me he was normal and a quiet house would help!).

I have a friend who came to pick up her boy at preschool years ago

and one of the other parents chatted with her for a while before

asking, " so, what do you do for your son? His autism, I mean? " She

said it hit her like a ton of bricks but she could no longer deny

something was different. That's not a suggestion for you, but it

saved her a lot of time many of us wish we could have had.

Helen, mom to (9, ASD, SCD 4/04)