Haven't posted in awhile.....checkn in, sayn hello

[Guest guest]

Hello to everyone, my fellow MSers . A quick update on those who don't know

me or have forgotten me...I'm Andi from Nebraska, I was dx w RRMS on April Fools

day 2006, being dx very quickly, having my first attack happen w/i 3 days out of

seemingly nowhere, to MRIs, spinal taps, steriod IVs, a dx w/i about 1 1/2

months. The majority of my symptoms are numbness/weakness right side, pretty

much head to toe. I exp. alot of fatigue, battle, and I mean battle!,

depression, and alot of other irritating, maddening symptoms. I'm still

married, with no kids, but we have gained another dog (Marley, an old fluffy

shiztu) and have managed to keep some pretty cool fish alive! We're really

proud of our fish,b/c we thought we were fish serial killers for awhile... And

we still have our dear ol' Miss Olivia, our kitty, who's going on 12 yrs now!

I haven't posted in...idk even know how long... but I try to keep up on posts

and I wanted to say hi to the new members, to n, Akiba, Sharon (where's

Challis? did I get her name right? I probably didnt, my memory is often on

" technical difficulties " mode...sorry) Val, Anne, Traci and those I know I've

forgotten their names, but not missed! I hope this reaches all of you in good

spirits!

This summer, my husband n I shut off our cable, internet, and I remembered what

summers are meant for. This past spring, I wouldsit in my backyard, feeling

sorry for myself, thinking that I was stuck. I had never weighed more in my

life, my family and friends seemed to be abandoning me, becoming spiteful to me,

my husband felt like a roommate, and I felt unhealthy, stressed beyond my sanity

point. So I pulled a few weeds by my chair. Soon, I got up and pulled a few

more. Everyday,even if it was only 15 min outside, I began to dig at those

weeds, not minding so much anymore the dirt and the bugs and I pulled a

weed...pulled a negative thought...out. After a few weeks, I found old brick by

my porchsteps still cutely laid in shape, the river rock around my house and

yard began to smile to me when I would walk by as if thanking me for making them

pretty again, and I would smile back, feeling pretty darn pretty myself! I

noticed I was losing weight and being inside became unbearable...I felt like I

had been a prisoner and was set free! My husband and I went fishing, spent

weekends at our family's cabin, and he even started walking with me in the

mornings.

This summer I have lost 25 lbs. I am losing my sister to

addiction/hard-headedness/anger. I have lost friends that may not have been

friends at all. I haved gained alot, but now, I am having doubts. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I have pushed myself too hard and will pay for it; the past 2

wks, I've had new symptoms, worsening symptoms that are coming n going but

slowly getting more pronounced. I'm afraid that if I slow down I will slip back

so easily into that rut that I worked so hard to climb myself out of. I'm

afraid for my sister, which is a novel of an issue for me, and our relationship.

Her daughter, my neice (and goddaughter) is affected and that hurts and streses

me.

I hate complaining, was taught no one wanted to hear it, to tough it up and

every time I attempt to post on here, I end up deleting it because I feel like a

wimp, or no one wants to hear what I have to say. I am the middle child, lol,

don't make any waves, the " haha " look what Andi did, to ease tension and has to

make everyone happy.

So thank you for allowing me my moment...this summer was so wonderful and these

past couple weeks are just so...(insert appropriate word of your

choice)...frustrating and I don't want to lose this round!

-Andi from the Cornhusker State (go big red lol)