Newbie

[Guest guest]

Hi my name is Robin and I am new to this group and this concept of eating for

hunger. Sounds weird hah? I used to be very overweight and 10 years ago I lost

195lbs and have kept it off with the exception of 20lbs which I keep yo-yo-ing

back and forth with. Which is telling you that even though most of the weight

has gone away the compulsive eating and bingeing hasn't. I have just been

hanging on by my teeth and my jaw is killing me. The only way I manage to

keep most of weight off is by fasting or very restrictive dieting between

binges. The binges and overeating is almost always healthy food but it doesn't

matter. It's all abusive.

I just finished reading Geneen Roth's book " Women, Food and God " and it really

hit home for me. I have been practicing intuitive eating for a week now and it

is harder then any " diet " . To eat with awareness, to not stuff down or starve

away feeling is a foreign feeling to me. For the first time today I allowed

myself to have 2 homemade chocolate chips cookies my daughter made yesterday. I

ate them without distraction, I was hungry, but I still feel guilty (this is a

food I have deemed evil and not allowed) and want to binge. I am not though,

instead I am writing to the group. I am up my customary 20lbs and normally I

would be fasting right now to make sure I lost the weight before my sister

visits next month. She is a personal trainer and very fit, and although I love

her to death and she would not judge me, I still feel I inadequate for not being

thin enough. So instead of fasting to get this weight off before she gets here I

am eating cookies and trying to be kind to myself. Seems like a retarded concept

but I get it now.

Robin