Dog's Letter

[Guest guest]

A DOG'S LETTER TO GOD

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell

one another?

Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the

same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the

mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a

dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice

ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler

Beagle'?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears

him, is he still in trouble?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand

signals,

whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy

fields, and Frisbee flight paths.. What do humans understand?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to

get in?

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to

apologize?

Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must

remember

to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it

up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like

the way they smell.

I will not munch on " leftovers " in the kitty litter box; although they

are tasty, they are not food.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator or dishwasher.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's

license and registration.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the

toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of

saying

'hello.'

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the

coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the

carpet.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when

company is over.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that

funny noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally my last question

Dear God, When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Thank you for listening, God - The Dog