[Fwd: Fw: FW: Actual Craig's List Ad]

[Guest guest]

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a. m. E. S. T

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I

hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,

threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfrien d's purse and

earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather

important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you

to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my

jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for

a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45

ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for

it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating

weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from

with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking

bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet

with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to

come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or " Momma " as you had her listed in your

cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and

filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas

station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took

150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along

with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink " pimp mobile " that was parked

at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed

the entire driver's side of the car. Later, I called a bunch of phone

sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line,

although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's

going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone

calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President

Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess

while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel

this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your

threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of

these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have

the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path

you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so

lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours,

P. S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil

society!

I probably don't have to ask you to forward this one.

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