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[Guest guest]

I had a conversation with my dad a few days ago. Nada and I have been NC for

almost 2 years now. At the urging of some family members, I gave her a call

last month. Everyone said that she had CHANGED and would do ANYTHING to

establish contact. I didn't believe it, but called, mostly to get family

members off my back. Of course, nada didn't change, and was up to her same

old tricks.

Apparently nada is bragging to everyone that we are talking again. My dad

and she have been divorced for 15 years, and are not friendly, but dad knew

before I told him that nada and I had spoken. I explained to him that it was

the same old thing, and I wasn't interested in allowing that stress back

into my life, or my kids lives.

His excuse for nada is that she 'sees life through an emotional lens'. I

guess that is one way to describe BPD, if you don't know, or choose to

believe that nada is mentally ill. He understands why I don't want the

stress right now, but still says that I will regret it if I never fix this

between us. I didn't feel like getting into it yet again, so I changed the

subject.

I will regret that things couldn't be different. I do regret it. I wish she

was normal, that all of this had never happened, that we could have a

relationship. I think those around me that see NC maybe think that I did

this blithely, out of the blue, with no forethought. They can't see the

years of suffering and attempts at boundries before NC was established,

because we were so emeshed then, we played her games, hid the problems for

her. That was what I was raised to do. Don't rock the boat. So to them,

(with nada whispering in their ear), it looks like this was an out of the

blue temper tantrum by me, and that I just need to get over it and

'forgive'.

I do regret this. But I would regret more if I wasted more of my life

playing her games. And I would regret it most if I let her have access to my

children to continue the cycle.