icky nada email creepies

[Guest guest]

Hi WTOs,

I am not sure why, but for some reason the email block feature I have for nada

stopped working a couple of weeks ago, and she has been showing up in my junk

mail. I have been NC (without explicitly declaring so) for over two years now.

I've been in a much-needed recovery period, where I re-raise and re-wire myself,

for that entire time, and in order to do that properly, I have not read nadas

emails for at least a year and a half, and lately I've been pretty successful at

blocking them all from coming.

For some reason the feature changed--I have to check out the program. And I see

nada has been showing up in my inbox. Just very, very cautiously, I read the

email she sent a few days ago, and I glanced at another today. It is nuts.

Nada has been emailing me, one-sided, all this time, as if nothing is any

different. Trying to use me in the way she needs and deny her reality in the

way she needs. For those of you new ones on the list, nada's 'needs' from me

include a terrible verbal form of sexual black-sheeping, where she casts me as

some overweight, 'dirty', undesirable, unfeminine creature--it is projection and

it is really quite torturous, emotionally. She also tries to pretend that she

is a 'good' and cute little girl who 'loves' me, and she tries to merge with me

in a very intimate, invasive way--in between black sheep insults and abuses.

Her creepy email contained all of those elements. Sharply. I confirmed this

morning that even glancing at nada's emails is still not a possibility for me.

No, I don't drop dead on the spot--but I experience a severe, spine-prickling,

icky CREEPINESS that is so intense it seems any human should not have to endure

it, even the worst offenders. And it sticks on me--it does NOT just pass

through me and go away when I've closed out the message. Oh, God!! It makes me

shudder. It is the worst 'emotional' experience I can imagine, so bad that it

crosses into the physical. HOW did I ever live with regular contact with nada,

and even seeing her in person? How is she so nuts that she had not even

*noticed* that I have not had an email exchange or any other two way

communication with her for three years?? But then, those abusers who have a

sexual element in the abuse are the ones who usually need to deny their nature

the most severely. In my experience.

God. I have work to do this weekend. It is terrible to be stuck, trapped,

trying to purge this experience instead. All of those of you who are also

regretfully NC, I stand with you this weekend!!!

--Charlie