Re: Rules - deeper dive....

[Guest guest]

This is just my experience. When I was a child meal times were terrible.  Mom and dad didn't get along and I would get Knots in my stomach.  But being just a kid I would have to sit there, No power to stand up to them at that age, so I felt powerless and trapped as if in a nightmare.  They probably didn't even know any of this, nor did I know the source of their issues until long after I was grown up.  Then when I got married and had 3 kids in less than three years and they were old enough to eat at the table, the nightmare started all over again with my husband forcing them to " eat everything on their plate or sit there all night " . And when they spilled a cup of milk etc. it was an ugly scene.  We were all under a great amount of stress.  My solution was to feed them before he came home.  He didn't like it but for me and the kids it was the right thing to do.  Then after my divorce I couldn't bear to sit at the table alone and eat.  I would just cry and cry.  The kids were all grown by then. So I would eat in front of the TV.  At least that way I had company. I find that it is still very hard for me to have the TV off at any time.  I guess I still feel the loneliness.  I have a full life but live alone and mostly like it that way. When I was working and getting my Masters it was always rushing and eating on the run, in the car or grab a candy bar at the school snack machine.  I still find some of these old habits/feelings coming up.  Thanks for your post. It made me think more about what is going on for me. A nd putting it out there for someone else to read adds more power to my being able to change.  You know what Dr. Phil says " What you don't acknowledge you can't change " . Sandy

 

So I know I hate the sit down and eat with no distractions rule.  But why?  I decided to go back to Why Weight?  and push forward.  I'm going to try to answer the questions here - I think it makes me think harder and makes my thoughts more coherent to share them.

 

I can't/don't want to sit down while I eat, and I can't eat without distractions because......

 

It's too boring.

It's more relaxing to do something while eating.

I have a " free pass " to sit and relax while I'm eating.  I " shouldn't " be doing something else - like some chores.

" Just " eating is a waste of time.  I just want it to be over.

My family would hate it if I started making them sit at the table. 

    Sometimes it gets too tense when we sit at the table together.

    If I always sat at the table when I ate, I would be alone a lot.

My friends would think it was weird if we had to sit at the table to eat.

At work I would be wasting time if I went to the breakroom.  And it would " look bad " for me to be sitting up there. 

Thoughts: Am I really supposed to go sit at the table every time I want a snack?  That would suck!  It's just not worth it.  But if I don't eat, I feel crappy.  I HATE sitting at the table.  I feel so angry at the thought of this.  Very interesting.

 

 

[Guest guest]

I usually eat my lunch at work alone and without distraction and came to

the conclusion that I don't like it.

Why?

I seem to be unable to relax. I feel very tense while eating without

distraction. I don't know why that is. I will continue doing it for a

while longer, maybe I can find out the reason.

The " without distraction " doesn't work anyway because my mind starts to

wander around pretty soon.

Best wishes

s.

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about the mind wandering.  In the beginning I kept a notebook right next to me and wrote down everything I ate, but not like a diet journal.. I noted the color, aromas, textures, tastes, everything I could identify as I ate it.  I know this would also probably considered as a distraction, but it kept me focused on the food and when I was full. I tend to eat so fast too and this slowed me down a little.  It even kept me from thinking about what's for dessert.  I did that for a moth I think but after I stopped I am back with " monkey mind " , thinking about everything else but the food I am eating. And as for the TV I was shutting it off and sitting at the table every time but also have drifted away from that. I just " mute " the TV and can't wait to get back watching it.  Why I don't know. It's all junk.  I think I will try taking a few deep breaths when I find myself rushing or being distracted.  I am a very shallow breather as well so I would gain benefit from both. Now if I can just remember to DO these things and not just write about them. Sandy

 

I usually eat my lunch at work alone and without distraction and came to

the conclusion that I don't like it.

Why?

I seem to be unable to relax. I feel very tense while eating without

distraction. I don't know why that is. I will continue doing it for a

while longer, maybe I can find out the reason.

The " without distraction " doesn't work anyway because my mind starts to

wander around pretty soon.

Best wishes

s.

[Guest guest]

How interesting Alyce. I have the exact opposite reaction! In my childhood the

dinner table was were the family got together each day. Not only did we enjoy a

meal (even though mom was a limited cook), it was where we heard what happened

with everyone's day. My dad was a joke teller and would share any new joke he

heard at work which made dinner time fun too. The only part of dinner I didn't

like was doing the dishes after, which fell on us kids. I still hate jumping up

from the table and doing the dishes. Happily I now have a dishwasher to stash

them!

My how times have changed.

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> 5.. My family would hate it if I started making them sit at the table.

> 6.. Sometimes it gets too tense when we sit at the table together.

[Guest guest]

And I find that going out to eat alone is the worst, worse than eating home alone. I feel more lonely and sad, especially when I see others eating as couples, families, friends. I also have begun to notice how many older people eat out alone and I feel sorry for them. I think they  must be lonely and perhaps a spouse has died and they are now alone.  I am probably right but more than that I am probably projecting my feelings on them.  Others often are a good reflection of my own unacknowledged feelings. It has been really hard to sit at my table and shut the TV off while I eat. I am going back to writing down what I eat to notice it fully, color, texture, taste, etc.  If you ask me an hour after I've eaten, I usually can't even remember what it was unless I REALLY enjoyed it fully. Thanks everyone.  Today is mother's day and there is so much emotion involved both happy and sad. My Mom died a few years ago and my grown children have mostly moved away or basically have their own lives(empty nest syndrome). And I only get to see one of my many grandchildren/great grand children. I am spending it with one of my daughters and my grandson, so that will be joyful.  He always makes us laugh and play. To all of you who are Mother's day I wish you a good day. I am going to be kind to myself, feel all my feelings, and be joyful and grateful. And I'm going to eat without guilt.  Sandy

 

Wow

I'm going to save this thread for all eternity. Geneen Roth notes that all cultures associate eating with companionship. It really is a way to celebrate being together.

however, if one is in an alone state of her life, eating without distraction can make you feel, well, lonely. My mags are my companion.

If I didn't eat with distraction, I would...

notice how much I ate?

notice how little I like it?

notice how lonely I am?

hmm, anything else?

Foggy

>

> >

> >

> > So I know I hate the sit down and eat with no distractions rule. But why?

> > I decided to go back to Why Weight? and push forward. I'm going to try to

> > answer the questions here - I think it makes me think harder and makes my

> > thoughts more coherent to share them.

> >

> > *I can't/don't want to sit down while I eat, and I can't eat without

> > distractions because......*

> > **

> >

> > 1. It's too boring.

> > 2. It's more relaxing to do something while eating.

> > 3. I have a " free pass " to sit and relax while I'm eating. I

> > " shouldn't " be doing something else - like some chores.

> > 4. " Just " eating is a waste of time. I just want it to be over.

> > 5. *My family would* hate it if I started making them sit at the

> > table.

> > 6. Sometimes it gets too tense when we sit at the table together.

> > 7. If I always sat at the table when I ate, I would be alone a lot.

> > 8. *My friends would *think it was weird if we had to sit at the table

> > to eat.

> > 9. At work I would be wasting time if I went to the breakroom. And it

> > would " look bad " for me to be sitting up there.

> >

> > Thoughts: Am I really supposed to go sit at the table every time I want a

> > snack? That would suck! It's just not worth it. But if I don't eat, I

> > feel crappy. I HATE sitting at the table. I feel so angry at the thought

> > of this. Very interesting.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>