Re: I really need some encouragement!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

> because people just tell me things like, how you were not very far a

> long imagine how people who were farther along would feel, or maybe

> God was protecting you from having a deformed baby, or why were you

> trying to get pregnant if you knew you could have problems, or you

argggggggh I HATE people who talk like that!!!!!!!

It's all SO MUCH BULLSHIT!!! I'm sorry, it just makes me sooooo mad, those

are the worst things you can say to a woman who has just lost a baby (or

babies!).

Here is the plain truth:

You lost a baby. You had hopes, and dreams, you felt the spark of life

within you, your body changed in a MASSIVE way - and it was all ripped away

from you.

GRIEVE.

You've earned it.

I've lost EIGHT babies before 9 weeks, and by God not one of them was a

" mistake " or " would have been a freak " or WHATEVER. They were my BABIES.

So there

Here's some more truth: it's danged hard to implant an egg properly on a

septate uterus, so tell your family to go pee up a rope! you're not weak or

" not trying hard enough " or " don't want it enough " ... you have a medical

condition that is being treated, which makes it difficult to carry babies.

Period.

I'm sure those same people would never DREAM of telling your husband he

was just being a wimp for not being able to run a marathon!!! eh?

I am so sorry for your personal losses as well as the other family

tragedies, as a psychologist you KNOW how hard that is ... give yourself

time... I have been through the " I'm not a real woman if I can't have a

baby " phase and I understand COMPLETELY... and I did go through some grief

counseling, and really didn't move forward emotionally until I recognized my

babies as " real babies " that I had lost and not simply " mistakes "

(especially because one of my babies had no heartbeat but was still growing

until I had a D & C, I felt like enstein's mother..) ... no one " got it "

esp. not my husband ... all I can say is you've found the right group...

don't give up hope and don't listen to the clueless mean-spirited people

out there!

OK I'll stop ranting now, I must be hormonal today! But the last 15 years

of my life flashed before my eyes when I read your post...

BIG HUGS

MIkki

[Guest guest]

> because people just tell me things like, how you were not very far a

> long imagine how people who were farther along would feel, or maybe

> God was protecting you from having a deformed baby, or why were you

> trying to get pregnant if you knew you could have problems, or you

argggggggh I HATE people who talk like that!!!!!!!

It's all SO MUCH BULLSHIT!!! I'm sorry, it just makes me sooooo mad, those

are the worst things you can say to a woman who has just lost a baby (or

babies!).

Here is the plain truth:

You lost a baby. You had hopes, and dreams, you felt the spark of life

within you, your body changed in a MASSIVE way - and it was all ripped away

from you.

GRIEVE.

You've earned it.

I've lost EIGHT babies before 9 weeks, and by God not one of them was a

" mistake " or " would have been a freak " or WHATEVER. They were my BABIES.

So there

Here's some more truth: it's danged hard to implant an egg properly on a

septate uterus, so tell your family to go pee up a rope! you're not weak or

" not trying hard enough " or " don't want it enough " ... you have a medical

condition that is being treated, which makes it difficult to carry babies.

Period.

I'm sure those same people would never DREAM of telling your husband he

was just being a wimp for not being able to run a marathon!!! eh?

I am so sorry for your personal losses as well as the other family

tragedies, as a psychologist you KNOW how hard that is ... give yourself

time... I have been through the " I'm not a real woman if I can't have a

baby " phase and I understand COMPLETELY... and I did go through some grief

counseling, and really didn't move forward emotionally until I recognized my

babies as " real babies " that I had lost and not simply " mistakes "

(especially because one of my babies had no heartbeat but was still growing

until I had a D & C, I felt like enstein's mother..) ... no one " got it "

esp. not my husband ... all I can say is you've found the right group...

don't give up hope and don't listen to the clueless mean-spirited people

out there!

OK I'll stop ranting now, I must be hormonal today! But the last 15 years

of my life flashed before my eyes when I read your post...

BIG HUGS

MIkki

[Guest guest]

Hey, it's Mikki again, I just realized that in all my ranting, I forgot to

mention that I've got 2 beautiful kids and twins in the way, it has taken 13

years and 10 pregnancies but IT CAN BE DONE

Don't give up :)

MIkki

[Guest guest]

I too am so sorry for what you have had to go through, and for the

lack of support from your family and lack of information from your

doctor. Insist on getting those records from your doctor's office!

I echo what everyone else has said - you sound incredibly strong to

me, and we are here for whatever 'virtual' support you need. Try to

find someone to talk to in person - you so need to take care of

yourself right now, and grieve publicly as well as privately. You

have every right to.

I'll be rooting for you and wishing you all the best.

Take care,

a

SU, unresected

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry for all of the pain you're feeling. Grief is an emotion

that can't be explained logically and I've learned that you just have

to allow yourself to ride the wave of emotions you're feeling. This

can be extremely hard if you're surrounded by people who don't think

you should be grieving. It can almost make you feel as if you're

losing your mind or you're living in some other state of reality.

Please know that all of the feelings you've described are normal and

I'd be more worried if a person had suffered miscarriages-at any

stage-and not felt sadness.

I posted here just a few weeks ago when I was feeling so down that I

just didn't know what to do with myself. I've gotten encouragement

and some wonderful information that is helping me. I hope that you

posting here is the first step in your journey towards allowing

yourself to grieve and heal. Remember, though, that when a person

receives a great wound they will always have a scar. I will always

remember and love my first baby as I'm sure you will always love and

remember your first two babies.

I don't know what to say about the stupid things people will tell you

once you've suffered a loss, except that we've all heard them and can

roll our eyes and cry and rage with you. I'm sorry people are so

ignorant and in a sense I'm glad they are because that means they've

never suffered the horrible pain a miscarriage brings to a person's

life.

I did a search and found a website that has information about

miscarriage support in Wisconsin.

http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/map/index.html

It looks like there is a lot of information that might be helpful. I

attend a group that has women who have had early first trimester

losses all the way through women who've had losses at a few weeks

living. They combine the groups because it's acknowledged that an

early loss is a real loss of a baby and a person who you put your

energy, love, heart and soul into creating. I hope that you can find

a group here that will help you.

I can also recommend the book, " Miscarriage, Women Sharing from the

Heart " for some testimony of women who suffered loss. The book

really focuses on the fact that miscarriage is a real event that is

perfectly normal to cause a person to mourn. It has really helped me

cry and acknowledge my pain instead of just curling into a ball and

not feeling.

I can't give you any first hand accounts of carrying a baby to term

because I just found out recently that I have an MA during my first

pregnancy. I had a silent miscarriage at 17 weeks on Feb. 12 and I'm

still healing. I've finally gotten enough information, thanks to

this group, to work towards finding a specialist so that I can have a

clear diagnosis of BU or SU and possibly have a resection. Who

knows, maybe we'll be here successfully pregnant together one day

soon. Sorry to be so long, but I just wanted to reach out to you

and hope that you know you're normal and have every right to grieve.

Jasmine

> I am not even sure where to start with my questions and

> frustrations. I have written to this group a few times. I was

> diagnosed several years ago with a septate uterus (it was an

> incidental find during a laproscopy and histroscopy). At the time

I

> was not married and not trying to have children so the dr. said do

> not worry about it until you want to get pregnant. To make a long

> story shorter. I am married now and we were told to try and get

> pregnant and if I had a miscarriage the Dr. would recommend

> surgery. The Dr. said our insurance would not cover a surgery

right

> away and even with a septate uterus I had a good chance for having

a

> normal pregnancy (oh and I am told my Dr. is one of the best in

> southern WI supposedly only one of two in the state who do the

> resection surgery). I had my first miscarriage in the very end of

> Oct. Then I was told my insurance would not cover the surgery

until

> we had at least one more miscarriage. So we got pregnant again and

> I had my second miscarriage a month and a half ago I had a

> resection. We had a huge fight with the insurance and Dr.

Insurance

> was still not going to cover the surgery and said they never would

> (get this the Dr. office had been sending in the wrong code for the

> pre authorization so now it is covered and it would have been

> covered even before the first miscarriage if it had been coded

> correctly). The surgery went good I developed a mild infection but

> the dr. has already given us the ok to try again. I asked the Dr.

> for information about how big the septum was etc. He won't tell me

> he just says oh it is all fine and walks away.

>

> Now I am just going to whine a little, Mother's day was very hard I

> want a baby so badly. I have chosen not to talk about my feelings

> to anyone (I am a Psychologist I know how un healthy that is)

> because people just tell me things like, how you were not very far

a

> long imagine how people who were farther along would feel, or maybe

> God was protecting you from having a deformed baby, or why were you

> trying to get pregnant if you knew you could have problems, or you

> can not focus on the past just the future, or maybe this is a sign

> that you and your husband are not ready for children. To top it

off

> everyone else in my family has had an easy time having children and

> think that I am just not very strong. I have never said anything

to

> anyone about my feelings just the facts of what has happened and

> these are the comments I get (I can only imagine what people would

> say if they knew how sad I felt on Mother's day or how Sad I feel

> that my first due date is coming up in 3 weeks. In the midst of

all

> of this, my husband (35 years old) has been diagnosed with coronary

> heart disease, my mother with cancer; my aunt (who was like a

> mother) died suddenly in her sleep (she was 60) and my husband's

> grandfather is in the hospital dying. I asked the nurse in my Dr.

> office is she could suggest a group or something for me to talk to

> someone else who had gone through miscarriages and she looked

> stunned and said well I don't know I guess I can try to find you

> something but if this has you upset you must have a lot more going

> on in your life. I was only 8 and 9 weeks along when I miscarried

> and I crazy to feel that loss and sad when I see pregnant women. I

> was going to switch Dr. but mine is the best in the area and the

> only specialist that my insurance will cover.

>

> I just want to know that I am not loosing my mind. I have actually

> started to think that maybe I am really not meant to be a parent.

> Maybe the person who told me that since I had two miscarriages so

> close together God was trying to tell me I was not ready to be a

> parent.

>

> Forgive my rambling. I probably do sound like a mad man. I am

> normally not, but sometimes I just get scared that I never will

have

> a child.